I Am Tired Of Feeling Used

HeartSupport Support
1

Hey guys!

A lot of you may know me as someone who helps others. Who spends a lot of my time in and on the forum, on twitter, in discord and on my own stream talking to everyone about what is going on in their lives.

Recently, I have been feeling a lot of comparative feelings.

My community size on twitch is shrink like a grape in the sun, chats are getting slower and slower and people are caring less and less about what my community specifically does.

There is always a new thread on twitter every week about how to talk about mental health right, about how it is dangerous to do it at all on twitch, about how someone is going to get hurt.

I think I am just tired of fighting. I am tired of fighting the good fight.

I wanted to be the person who was always there for others. Who helped them the way I WISH I was helped when I was 16 and struggling.

But I didnt realize I was siphoning parts of myself with every forum response. With every viewer who only pops in to vent their issues before vanishing for months at a time. With every DM asking for advice.

I never knew how much of my soul I had to give up to do this.

And now I am bitter. I feel the world has passed me by no matter how noble or good my cause was.

I feel like life is regressing all around me.

Ill admit, I have missed the mark in some of my attempted initiatives on Twitch to help with Mental Health.

Had I known that it would result in mass abandonment…I would’ve reeled back I suppose.

Hindsight is 2020

It is World Mental Health Day, and honestly - I cannot help. Not today.

I gave the HS text line to my community for usage, and nobody used it.

It is becoming so easy to feel that I am done with this.

The biggest issue with it all is that Mental Health conversation for me hits so close to home that rejection of my initiatives feels like rejection of me, who I am and what I stand for.

Or perhaps stood for.

I am so tired.

This post probably sounds a bit privileged. It definitely is.

But between the suicidal thoughts, I dont feel like I am helping anymore.

I am putting in so much more effort than I think I am getting back and while that isn’t fair to expect of the world - I think I have to pull my effort back before I am expended entirely.

Hold Fast Everyone

5 Likes
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Hey @DyllonKG,

I love your mission statement and find what you do inspiring. I frequently chill on your Twitch streams but can’t talk much because I’m usually at work while you’re streaming. I’m sure you’ve heard all of this before because you’ve been through counseling as well, but make sure to make time for YOU. You can only give so much before you need to recharge. There’s no harm in needing to pull back for a bit. Take care of yourself, rest up, and hold fast. Rock on dude.

-Eric

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From: hexambrosius

Thanks for sharing this Dyllon. It’s ok to take time for yourself, to recharge. Giving is noble, but it can also be exhausting. There’s no guilt in making sure you’re not giving more than you can afford to. Hold fast friend, and take time to know what is right for you.

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From: lorumerth

Hey bud, you matter to me. Proud of you for opening up. Thank you for being you

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Heya @DyllonKG

Wanted to give you some encouragement.

Don’t give up. You are loved.

There is people who want you still.

Whatever you are going through don’t give up.

Don’t be one of the 2,200 people that commit suicide each day.

Everyone has tough days especially us streamers.

Don’t be ashamed. Take a break

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From: weirdnewz

Put on your own life preserver first. It’s ok to take care of yourself. <3

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From: cookie_central

Dyllon, its hard constantly giving of yourself and getting nothing back. its hard to pour out if you havent been filled. It may feel like you are screaming into the void but you arent. We’re here and hear you. Allow us to uplift you. You are an amazing good hearted person and dont ever discount your efforts. The world needs more people like you. You are making a difference.

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From: septic_ang

Hello Dyllon I just want to say I love you so much and it may not sound like it means much but I love you so much and you have helped me so much! But please take care of yourself if needed.

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From: ade494

It’s certainly okay to feel like you haven’t accomplished what you set out for. But don’t lose sight of how far you’ve come. You’ve helped so many people and I hope you will continue to do things that bring you joy in life.

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From: levenn

You are more than what you perceive. It takes more than one person to fix the issues of so many, take the time for YOU, find your peace again <3

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From: darthjaegr

Even if you feel like your followers and chat are dwindling, you are still helping those that are there. Look at it as maybe those that used to be there are now out spreading the love/help you gave to others.

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From: tromboness

Thank you for being a part of this community. Basing your value on the results of your work can make it even harder to continue. Results for this work is dependent on other people. What you do does matter. Remember that you don’t have to give more than you are able. And even if you don’t see results, know that you gave them resources they can turn to for when they do need it. Take care!

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Dyllon, your post doesn’t sound “privileged”. I understand completely where you’re coming from. I’m just someone who streams for fun, mostly in my free time, and I love supporting HeartSupport, but man I also feel this way when nobody used my text code. No matter how big or small of an impact we have here on the platform, the fact that you care enough to even try shows the quality of your heart, and regardless of how you’re feeling right now you’re appreciated. You’ve responded to one of my topics in the past, reminding me that this wasn’t the end for me. I hope now that my response encourages you. Love you man, and thank you. Hold fast.

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From: weirdnewz

You sound like a caring person. You make the world better just by being in it. :slight_smile: <3

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Dyllon you wonderful human being you,

You’re time on Twitch is far from done. Its not even close. There are times where we question why we do the things we do and though it may seem like your stream isnt what it used to be, use this moment as a time to reflect on not only what works best for the stream but also what works best for you. I dont catch the stream much cause im either working on stuff for HS or my own stream but i keep my notifications on for when you go live, and I keep my notifications on when you post in your discord, and everytime i see someone on is passionate about making this work and wants to have a thriving community. JasonParadise told me a long time ago in his stream is that it doesnt matter if you have no viewers or a billion viewers, talk to the camera as if you have a billion viewers and just have fun because if you are having fun then not only will your community have fun, but others will see you having fun and will want to join the community.

So here is my little piece of advice. Do what makes you happy. Dont look at those numbers as numbers, look at the numbers as people who enjoy spending their time with you and love you for you. Ive noticed that over the months you have tried to have a schedule that works and tried to rebrand and figure out things you can do on stream that will “work”. Instead of all that, stick to a schedule that works for YOU and do what YOU want to do on stream. The people will come to you.

Love you dude, you are a champ and a half.
-Yummerz

1 Like
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Hey Dyllon,

Giving to help others especially with mental health is draining, and even more so when you are so heavily fighting it ourselves. It wears us out a lot more than we realize till it hits us. Those are the times where we step back and rest, recharge. If You give yourself a week and it’s not enough don’t be upset that you’re not ready. Being Known on the internet and being influential hurts that need for recharge cause if we leave cause we will be less On topic with that in popular. If you need to stand back then stand back, stream for less in a day, or fewer days. Find what makes you comfortable.

When it comes to Social media and their mindset is that it can inspire you but you can also get so hurt trying to keep up. You’re trying to make yourself known and do something good, you will get people who will hate you for that, you know that first hand. You cannot please everyone, twitter, instagram, streaming all have different interests and you cannot keep them all happy. You keep your social media and stream happy with what YOU want and not others. There are so many people you have helped and so many more who need to hear your mindset and be able to see the world in different eyes.

Celebrate your stream, your viewers, your goals! They are full of so much good! You are worth all the people who watch. The numbers of your stream if what you love doing and the numbers are effecting how much you get for money but you need to step back and focus on getting that side job. Removing that worry of “Can I even live in my house next month.” Then focus on your community as a people not as a number. You have all those follows, they care for you and love what you’re doing, you helped them. YOU did that, There is no other Dyllon who nerds about Link as much as you, no other Dyllon who acts like that hard love older brother like you do. If you want to help others cause you don’t want people to be where you were at 16, then do that. Do what YOU want to do. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you fail. Embrace the failure and take it as a lesson, grow from it and before your realize you will have more people following your goal than you realize.

Love you, Hold Fast
You got this.

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From: kitboga

you’ve got this bro, we love you

1 Like
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From: sneekybish

We LOVE YOU DYLLON KEEP FLIGHTING! :slight_smile:

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From: holdxsteel

We love you my dude!!!

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From: berrycrepe

we really love you!! <3 we love you! we love you!! <3