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I am trying, but I am failing

I am kind of a weird person. I honestly believe I am one of the truly good people. My brother graduated today, and on the way into the theatre I was picking up trash, I held doors open for people, I helped someone find their mom. I am an Eagle Scout that has done tons of community service, and I live and breathe that others come first.

But at the end of the day, I am suicidal, I struggle to get through my last breakup over a year ago. My family is in complete shambles. I am the only one that gets along with everyone, maybe because I am the last one that cares, or just wants to feel like I belong. My job is terrible, people are always putting me down and I push myself harder to prove them wrong, but when I do no one notices, and the ones that do say that it won’t matter.

I am trying to get better. I have been trying to read and do more of the things that I really enjoy doing, but I am slowly giving up and destroying myself again, worse each time. I want to be here. I have made that decision. But dear christ it is hard when you scream in a crowd of people and no one stops what they are doing to truly listen to you. I just want to be heard, for someone to beg to me that it isn’t worthless. This is my first post, and I’m pouring myself out because I haven’t recognized that I need more and more help because of how much I am struggling. I just need to know that it will be ok

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@MossBro333 hey man. If others are telling you that it won’t matter if you try harder its not because they believe it, but because they don’t want you to make them look bad. Keep up your efforts. Set your goals to the ends of the universe and never give up on yourself. Others have a way of trying to put other people down to make themselves feel Superior in what ever it is they or you are doing. Your efforts are not a waste, keep being an awesome person, never let up. YOU ARE AWESOME!!! And please hold fast friend. We have your back here.

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It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, I never noticed the notification, but I wanted to share that you really made a difference with me. I came back on to post a new topic and read your comment,

I want you to know you made a difference, you struck a strong chord, and I screen shot it to remember it