I am very alone

I don’t really know why I’m here, because I don’t know what anyone could say or do to help. I don’t know what I’m looking for by being here.

A little about myself, I’m 20. I don’t have a job. I have severe anxiety that makes it hard to leave the house, but I’ve been managing. Recently, I just lost my only real-life friend. They said I wasn’t doing enough for them. Which makes sense, since my mental illnesses have been pretty consuming lately, so I’m sure I really wasn’t doing enough.

Lately I’ve been getting waves of overwhelming sadness and loneliness. I genuinely don’t have any friends. I have a few acquaintances I’ve met through watching small streamers on Twitch, but those aren’t really friends.

Like I said, I don’t really know why I’m here. Maybe just to be heard, since I don’t have anyone else to talk to. Maybe I just want some encouraging words. I just feel like I’m reaching rock bottom. I’m so lonely feeling. I know I’m not really alone, I have my mom. But I don’t have friends or a partner like everyone else I know and that hurts a lot. I wake up sad and lonely feeling, I spend all day sad and lonely feeling, and I go to bed sad and lonely feeling. I have no one but my mom to talk to and it’s weighing on me.

Anyway, thanks for reading my rambling.

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Hi my name is Josiah

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Hello and welcome. I’m so sorry that you’re sitting with these feelings and seemingly dealing alone with them, that’s never easy.
I’m also really sorry about your friend. Sometimes if people don’t have a full understanding of mental health struggles, they don’t really grasp what it’s like and how it affects us. I can totally relate to not being able to reach out to people and engage with them when you’re struggling.

It’s hard to find a community to be a part of, sometimes it almost easy to find them online, but then there’s always the case that it’s also hard if you’re wanting that physical quality time with them. They do bring a lot of joy though.
I don’t know if you have discord at all, but the heart support discord is there. They have a few groups to join in and the people are so wonderful and have so much love to give and share.
https://discord.gg/heartsupport Is the link if you’re ever interested, but no pressure of course!

Have you been talking to your mum about how you’re feeling lately, and perhaps with your dr? Do you see a regular dr? I’m not saying you have to, sometimes it’s good for someone in the professional field to keep track of our mental health as they often see and understand things we may not.

I hope you’re doing okay

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Thank you, your response really meant a lot to me. Just being reached out to like that made me feel good. Thank you for making me feel heard :green_heart:

After a little bit of scrolling on here, after i made my post, my heart genuinely felt so full. There’s people like you on here, that go out of their way to comment and let people know they are heard! So… I will absolutely be joining the discord, thank you for telling me about it!

As for your question about my mom and doctor, both of the answers are… kind of? But basically no. My mom knows that I struggle, but I feel like she can’t quite understand what the struggle is like. I love her for trying, but she always ends up confused and a little frustrated when I try to talk to her about it. My doctor technically knows I struggle, as she’s the one that prescribed me for my medication, but sadly, I’ve never been fortunate enough to have a doctor that really cared. I’ve been slightly overweight my whole life, and the doctor I’ve had since childhood can’t seem to suggest anything other than “maybe you’ll feel better after losing 20 pounds.” It’s hard to work on your body when you don’t know how to work on your mind though! (Just to add on, I’m unfortunately not able to afford changing doctors, nor can I afford therapy.)

Anyway, I appreciate you greatly. You made my night. :green_heart:

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Hi Josiah! I don’t want to share my real name on here, but Rose is my nickname! Nice to meet you :green_heart:

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It’s really hard when people don’t know the extent of the feelings and how it affects you not just emotionally, but physically. Like you said, it’s hard to be able to look after your body when your mind needs to be looked after as well. I hate that throw away blanket cover of “just do…”. It’s not always the answer and not always that easy.
You definitely are safe here and among like-minded beings, so hopefully others can also share insight and ideas on how they’ve found different coping styles.

I know for me finding actual decent friends and being a part of this community has really helped me learn how to express myself. Holding in things because you know the people around you don’t really understand is in itself a big burden and weight.
I do hope you always feel safe and feel heard here. You matter incredibly!

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From: twixremix

hi weathergirl,

welcome to the heartsupport community! mega thankful that you’re here and feel comfortable to be vulnerable here. you aren’t alone in feeling this way, my friend. solitude and loneliness is so suffocating - i’ve been there and it sucks! in college, i took huge scary steps and joined clubs that have to do with my interests and hobbies and found similar-thinking people!

bumble BFF and patook are also apps that are friend finding services. you can start by communicating through text similar to how you get to know people on twitch! if you really vibe with them, you can start meeting irl and have that connection. i hope this suggestion helps and i wish you all the best in your journey ahead. you deserve love, especially when it is returned in the same amount you give out. you are valued, you are loved, and you are heard. please know that this heartsupport community has your back and will listen to and support you through anything. thank you again for being here.

love,
twix

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From: Who.is

hey, I want to just say that you’re definitely not alone and that experiencing anxiety and loneliness isn’t something you have to do alone (I get the irony).
I think you’ll find people who share your concerns and who want to support you and know how to be there for you. I hope you also find people who share other interests you enjoy. Maybe you join a book club or idk what you like, maybe you’re like a crazy good rock climber or artist! I know it can be hard when you’re feeling a bit shy and anxious. Sorry for this messy ramble, but I just wanted to try share some encouragement for you!

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From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)

Hi weathergirl. Welcome to heartsupport. I am sorry your friend left you. I completely understand that feeling of loneliness. Its ok to share your struggles here, we will not judge and listen. I think one way to find friends is through common interest. It can be anything from sports, books, DnD, TV shows. Really anything. Finding a group of people that like similar things as you do is a great start. If you like streams HS has their own streams too where people hang out and talk about stuff. You might find some new friends there. I hope you will find someone to be your friend soon so you wount have to feel like this for long. Hang in there :slightly_smiling_face:

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Welcome to HeartSupport, weathergirl! I’m glad you found the community and felt comfortable posting here.

I know how hard it is to find friends and especially lasting ones that can understand mental health struggles and that we feel like we can confide in. But those people are out there and I think that you can find them. I know you said your anxiety makes it hard to leave the house and I want you to know that online friendships can be just as powerful as irl ones. You say that the people you interact with on Twitch aren’t real friends but if you want to have you thought about trying to develop those friendships. Some people I’ve met on Twitch have become very good and real friends. And sometimes you can find friends online that can become real friends. There are some “dating” apps that are specifically for making platonic connections with people. Patook is one I used a while back.

I hope that you can find some people to talk to and interact with. And I want you to know that not all friendships are meant to last forever and that is fine as well. Even short friendships can be so powerful and helpful and can make positive changes in us that can last forever.

Good luck, friend, and I hope to see you around the community more :hrtlegolove:

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I almost felt like I wrote this topic. I just dont feel anything anymore also

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I am sorry you feel this way. You could start your own topic if you feel like sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. There is no judgement so you dont have to be afraid ok :slightly_smiling_face:

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From: I Am Reclaimer

Hey Friend, I’m really happy you came to post on the Support Wall. I know how it feels to been locked inside and feel like you’ve got no one to go to or speak to. The feelings can be overwhelming and compound into something that seems insurmountable. Start small though… what has helped me overcome situations like this is to start with going for a walk outside. It can give you much needed free headspace and increase your endourphans and help you feel better. Then, maybe go do something with your mom! Our parents/family are there for the rest of our lives and are the best friends we can possibly ask for. If your sadness and loniliness continues, even though this will be hard, reach out to a professional for help. I’ve done this and they provide really good action steps to help you get out of the funk. I also just want to say that you’re not alone in this struggle. Stay strong and keep going!

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