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I broke. I'm sorry

I’m sorry. I’m a failure. I had made it to 42 days clean but I broke. I hurt myself. I’m a failure. I’m worthless. I’m a burden. My family hates me. I only hurt them. My friends hate me. I’ve only been a burden to them. I’ve only a worthless piece of shit. I’m sorry that I broke. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m such a failure. I’m such a piece of shit. I don’t deserve the help I’ve gotten. I’m sorry I’m not better despite going to therapy every day for over two months. I feel so useless and like I’m nothing. I’m so sorry that I broke. I’m such a useless worthless piece of shit.

I did it again. Why can’t I stop. I’m such an idiot. I’m nothing. I’m a worthless thing that only hurts others. I’m a failure of a human being.

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If they hate you, they are not your friends at all. Listen. I am your friend, and I love you. I give all that I can to protect you. You have never hurt me, you are not a burden to me! I choose to love you, and these so-called friends choose to hate you. It’s not your fault, it just people’s choices. It’s all on them for hating you.

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Thank you. I have calmed down a little bit from when I posted and I have managed to get back to an hour.

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Hey @Paladin,

Listen - we will never ever give up on you. Here is the response from the HeartSupport Houston team.

Hold fast friend - you’ve got this.

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Hey @Paladin,

There is absolutely nothing to be sorry for. The fact that you broke your clean streak doesn’t make you a failure. 42 days is a lot and probably a lot more than what you envisioned before you actually got there! First it’s a couple of hours, then a couple of days, and then you learn to extend that circle over and over. A relapse don’t make you a failure. It makes you someone who tries and dares to do what’s needed to heal. That’s how beautiful and strong you are. That’s all the credit you deserve to give yourself for your intense efforts.

We’re all proud of you for fighting for your health and well-being. Today there’s a bump on the road and you fell. Then you’ll learn to get back on your feet and make the best of the situation: more strength, more resilience, more perseverance, and always, always a huge amount of love for you right here. You are not alone on this journey. Keep reaching out, and keep doing it with people who truly support you (safe family members, or friends, and/or doctors). People who truly care about you and your well-being will never be disappointed by you for gathering so much energy in order to get better. They will only want the best for you, without any condition or requirement, just like right here.

We believe in you. You can overcome this difficult time. :hrtlegolove:

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