I found out he went on dating apps. Actually downloaded one and used it but felt guilty and deleted it… he did this because he was ‘curious’ which I’m not buying. Only now has our relationship started to go pear shape and he started with the dating apps, changing his social media display picture to one of my favourite pictures of him. He followed women who dressed provocatively. I asked him why now? Why not all this time we’ve been together? He had no answer. I am getting the blame, ‘you’re throwing this away because of all this’ he also said something along the lines of ‘you should’ve done something’… he’s his own person with his own brain who cannot control his lust and whatever he did with the dating apps is a form of cheating and I was cheated on. He cannot come to terms with it and tells me it’s not cheating. He said he’ll fight for me even though I said I don’t want him. He also owes me money but is saying he cannot get that to me right now until June/July. This means we’ll be in contact for a few months? I don’t want this. I have blocked him on everything but my friend said to keep him on what’s app incase he runs away with the money he owes me. This hurts, because he’s not generally a bad person. He’s very giving, kind, was there for me emotionally and protected me like no other man has. So this is really hurting. Sometimes I think should I wait? But I can’t wait for a man to change I’ll be waiting forever. I really do love him. But this whole situation isn’t small for me. He was planning to engage/marry me in a few months. If he can cheat now he can cheat in marriage too? I thought he loved me. He did nearly everything right. Why ruin it?
I’m so sorry this has been so hard, you set out boundaries and by the sounds of it wasn’t respected. I do hope that you can lean on your friends and this community for support during this time. It’s so hard when money comes into play. I do hope that if he is a very kind and caring person he can be open to doing the right thing. Including not pressuring you into reopening the relationship.
Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, I am so very sorry that your relationship has come to this, I have to say I agree with what you have said, I don’t think your ex is a bad guy however you are clearly now both looking for different things, perhaps the polygamy thing is stronger in him than you both thought which isnt bad but its not what you want and the trust has been broken. I just hope he is good enough for you to return your money to you. If he doesnt then you may have to put it down to a learning curve and move on. Please come here as often as you need whilst you are finding your way through this. we are all here for you. Much Love Lisa. x
You definitely deserve to be treated better by someone who claims to want to spend the rest of their life with you. Hopefully you find a resolution for the money situation! Don’t forget to follow your gut.