I can never tell (cw/the talk of si)

When ever my brother gets mad or gets a attitude I always wanna cry so badly I feel like everything is my fault he thinks I shouldn’t seek disability but what else am I supposed to do I can’t work it’s not normal for someone to dream and hallucinate of suicide while working any job I don’t know what the fuck to do do I just give up and die ? Like I can’t be a normal functioning member of society


Ugh I hate how this emotional rollercoaster has just thrownnme for a loop and has completely derailed my ability to focus on anything


Can you see it as an emotional storm that will subside? You can’t take responsibility for other people’s emotions. We each have to manage our own. Therefore, nothing is your fault. He’s also not qualified to determine whether you need disability. I hope you’re taking steps towards getting it. In some states, it’s necessary to apply more than once, so save copies of the application paperwork. Your disability application and related decisions are none of his business. You may not be able to stop him from fussing about it, but you don’t have to listen.


Hey Derpplup, nice name! I’m glad you shared.

When ever my brother gets mad or gets a attitude I always wanna cry so badly I feel like everything is my fault

I can relate to this part in particular a lot, so I really want you to know that you’re not alone in this and that you have nothing to be ashamed of here. Our brains and bodies respond to stressors in odd ways that are practically always informed by past experiences. I tend to take on the negative feelings of the people around me as a response to traumas that I’ve been safe from for years – the scars remain and they feel just as real, but I’ve been learning to separate myself from them and in that way I’ve been healing. Does this idea resonate with you, and can you think of why you might feel this way when your brother’s angry?

Wings is right, it’s not your job to manage the emotions of other people. That would be a terrible thing to ask of you, and it’s an impossible role to fulfill. At its base though, the worst part about it to me is the implication that your feelings are less important than your brother’s. That’s simply not true. You really matter, your feelings are valid and you’re also the only person who has to live with yourself and all of your choices. I like to think of our lives like little gardens, and with respect, your brother should butt out and focus on growing his own! It’s up to you what you do with yours.

Ugh I hate how this emotional rollercoaster has just thrownnme for a loop and has completely derailed my ability to focus on anything

When I read this I think that maybe you’re blaming yourself not only for being bullied and invalidated, but also for how you responded to those things. I wish I could convey how unworthy you are of that blame. It’s so clear from your post that you’re dealing with a lot and that it’s serious, and what you truly deserve is support and care. What you’re going through is real and it matters, it’s not trivial at all, and it’s not your fault. You’re already taking steps to help yourself and I think that’s a really, really good thing. I hope you’ll keep that going! We’ll be here to cheer you on throughout that journey.

Giving up wouldn’t be worth it, I promise you that we can get out of this rut. I think you’re already on the right track just by sharing this and applying for support. Maybe there’s more that could help. Do you have someone in person that you speak to about this, either formally or not? Getting all of this out verbally does wonders for me, I hope it could help you too. I think some long-term therapy sessions might be able to really help you prise apart what’s going on and learn how to make it worth with you instead of against you. There are resources we could link you too if you don’t have anything nearby you’d prefer.

Either way I hope you’ll keep sharing. You’re not alone and we’ve got your back! Much love


Im ok now I talked with my partner and some friends I just have had a really bad upbringing and the American medical system failed me so Im not left to pick and fix 22 yrs worth of trauma,repression and stunted growth In a manner that lets me function and not rely on toxic family for support


That’s really good to hear! Well, half of it. I’m glad you’ve been supported by your family and friends. I’m really sorry that you’ve been failed by all these people and institutions whose roles were to elevate and protect you.

You’re right that it’s on you to deal with the repercussions of these things, but you don’t have to do it alone. It sounds like you’ve got some good people to help you through, and we’ll always be here as well. I’m not sure if you’re in therapy, but as someone who found every possible excuse to avoid getting help early – the mental health profession exists to help people just like you, and now is the absolute best time to start if you haven’t already. You’ll only be 22 once, it’s 100% worth it.

I’m happy you’re doing better! All the best!


Yeah but it’s hard when he attacks such vulnerable parts of me

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You know the truth. What he has to say about it deserves no more emotional response than you would to wind noise. It is sad when someone invades your space with ignorance. It’s sad because they’re ignorant, hence are stuck facing the world with barriers to full cognition. Being around such people can be really tedious. For your part, remain confident in your truth, and you’ll feel far less vulnerable.

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