I can’t break out in tears now

I can’t hold those tears back any longer.

I’m away on a weekend with friends as their kids nanny. The two couples have two beautiful little girls and they are so much fun.
But today I was with them the first afternoon while my friends had a meeting and it was too much.
Not that the kids were too much, they are actually pretty easy and I’m handling them okay I guess, but I was emotionally so overwhelmed.

While the 6 month old was napping and I was playing with the 2 year old, I had to force myself not to break down in tears because of everything that was going on inside of me.
I wanted them to have a good time, my friends to have a good time and a time where don’t have to worry about their girls, I wanted to prove to myself that I can handle it, and all the emotional junk that was I side of me wanted to get out.

Now I’m sitting on the balcony, both girls in bed, asleep (after one took so long to fall asleep) waiting for my friends to come back.
I’m close to tears. They are on their way.
I don’t want to cry when they are back; I don’t want them to think I can’t handle it, because it’s not the girls, it’s just my emotional trash.

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You’re overwhelmed with things other than this trip, if I recall correctly - it must be extra difficult to process through that while being responsible for two humans aside from yourself. Are your friends open to talking to you? I’m sure they don’t see you as having emotional trash. Your feelings are valid and worthy of acknowledgement. Maybe there’s someone you can call and talk to? I hope the rest of the trip goes well. Much love to you.

  • momma
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Its bummer to have take care of kids while dealing with emitional issues. You doing really awesome thou, I know it not fun to cry. However it good that were able to handle the situation and you did a great of taking care of the kids. Its show you have alot of character and that you think for other people.

If you need cry, it okay, once the kids are in bed you can go to private if you can and have a little crying session. Your emitions are not your fault, it happen to the best of us.

You are doing awesome, dont stress about it.

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Thanks…
I could talk to them, but they are having important business meeting , the reason why I’m here to watch the girls, and I don’t want to burden them with my stuff too.
When they got back last night they said how awesome it was that they didn’t have to think about the kids because they knew I can handle it all well… I don’t want them to be distracted during the meetings.