I can’t do this today

It feels like I’m falling apart, like all I am is crumbling down and I am doomed to watch it happen.

Panic attack after another, I try not to give in to the thoughts of self-destruction.

Nights are really tough and I don’t know how to make it through it. As soon as I’m alone on a room, I start to cry and I don’t know how to get over it.

It’s all too much.

I just want to never wake up again.
Good night.

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I get my worst at night alone too. Are the panic attacks new? A few things help me, look around and name things and colors in the room you are in until you ground and something super fast is to squeeze ice cubes in your hand as hard as possible. I know how crappy that all can feel

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I can relate to so much of this right now. A lot of hard nights and not always easy to distract from it. You are not alone.

I hope you get feeling better.

:heart:

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Thanks for your response.
No, panic attacks aren’t new, I’ve been having them for years. However, they were gone for about 6 months and around Christmas they came back and are increasing every week.

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Thanks.
I appreciate it.

I wish nights were easier for us…

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Did something trigger it then? If you dont want to share, i understand. If you do, im here

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Like @Elasticheart said, I think how to improve depends on the cause. You are welcome to share :slight_smile:

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@Yona @Elasticheart
I’m not sure what triggered it.
I only know that it gets worse and worse, and none of my methods to get out of it seem to work at the moment. I just end up crying and on the verge of passing out until I eventually fall asleep.
I feel so helpless and incredible broken.

This panic always triggers suicidal thoughts, and it’s getting too much.

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@fiji Hmm…I have similar symptoms but I know exactly what caused it. So I don’t know much about your case…

Maybe work on finding out why?

I used to not know why I was that way. Then I kept digging, and one day I finally realized it was caused by untreated childhood traumas. After that things have been much better. It hurts and it is difficult to heal, but at least there is something I can work on.

Or if there is really no reason…

I find working out is generally the most efficient way. Even when I don’t feel like it. Or call a trusted friend just say you need support.

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I’m sorry you’re still struggling at night @fiji. I can relate so much, as our friends here.

Night is just so special. There’s this calming, sometimes very inspiring/deep atmosphere. But sometimes it’s also very stressful and overwhelming, suddenly. I tend to feel very nostalgic and sad at night. On the verge of collapsing. It reminds me how alone I am, how I miss some people in my life, how I miss what my life could have been without the obstacles I’ve been through, etc. So it makes me cry until I just fall asleep. Don’t know if it’s always the best way to cope, but at least crying remains healthy. It’s just okay to cry, to feel. It’s not necessarily bad. And as @Yona said, it can be a sign of something deeper that has to be acknowledged. There’s some discomfort in feeling that way, but what if those tears were actually something positive that could help you to find some growth and peace in your heart?

For what it’s worth, here are some things that helps me especially at night:

  • Writing - without trying to make it well written, just how it comes to my mind and heart.
  • Listening to some soothing music. It doesn’t necessarily prevent me to cry, but at least, it helps to calm down the anxiety, to reduce my heartbeats if I’m a little bit in a panic mode.
  • Looking at the stars/moon - May sound weird or silly, but we don’t do that enough. And the feeling you can have from it is very powerful.
  • Re-reading kind messages - Just to feel connected to the people I love, in a positive way.
  • Holding a stuffed plushie and wrapping myself in a blanket - Just because it feels great.
  • Trying to keep a regular sleeping schedule - Not always easy to push ourselves to do that, but it really helps. Just to be able to wake up in the morning and to preserve our biological clock as much as possible.

I’m glad you’re here. And still grateful to you for pushing through.
I’d prefer it to be in better circumstances for you, of course, but know that seeing your name here and on Discord warms my heart.

I wish you a wonderful day.
Take care friend.

:heart:

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