I can’t handle anything anymore

So like I’ve said before I’ve been having panic attacks. I’ve been so scared about what’s going to happen and whether or not something is going to be alright. I can’t talk to anyone and I feel so weak and helpless. I told my boyfriend that I self harm and now I’m scared of what his reactions going to be. I go back to a school tomorrow and I see my boyfriend tommrow bad I don’t know what’s he gonna say or if he’s gonna say anything at all or if he’ll talk to me again. I’m really scared and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been apologizing a lot when I really didn’t do anything wrong I just feel bad. I just need someone to talk to, to get this off my mind. And I haven’t found that person I can talk to.

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Hey Vanessa,

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. We hope to support you through this and be a community you can trust and rely on. It is so hard to carry something like that on your own. So known that although you are afraid of how your boyfriend will react, I think it was very brave of you to tell him about it. That truly does take a lot of courage and talking about it is something that I feel is an important part of healing. Regardless of how he reacts, we love you very much and hope you know how valued you are.

Hold Fast,

Hannah Rhodes

Let me just say, good job letting your boyfreind know cause you telling him means you trust him . i know what the panic attacks feel like i deal with them and ive dealt with self harm. you are so not alone. what sticks out to me is you havent found someone you trust but, your boyfriend is someone you should trust, your family, your schools administration you can trust . it may be scary and hard but you can do it you can be open it just takes time. also , back my freshman year with relapse i couldnt find anyone i trust so i went to a teacher and took me to guidance, im now able to be more open with people but not where i should be.

It sucks to struggle and not know who to turn to for help,and it’s easy to bottle it up and just try to get through it by yourself. Telling your boyfriend is a huge step, posting about it is another huge step. I remember struggling with self harm and the worst part about it was the divide it put between me and my friends and the rest of humanity. I never wanted to see anyone out of fear they would see my scars, but being honest with people helps so much. Otherwise you just go in the circle of solving every problem with self harm when it actually doesn’t solve any of them. The good news is that we’re here for you, we love you and we’re here to help you. You’re loved, hold fast.

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The thing that stands out to me here is the apologising for no reason. I apologise for EVERYTHING… I must apologise to the 2 people who care about me most something like 10 times a day, and every time it’s just… “stop apologising you did nothing wrong” … it’s basically just me apologising for even being alive and existing. I’m literally saying “Hey, I’m sorry that I’m alive” < accepting that we deserve to live is going to be the first step to start getting over that constant need to apologise. I’m 22, and I can’t make decisions for myself. EVERY decision I make has to be “permitted” by someone. If I do something, straight away its… “Dan, I did this, DID I DO GOOD?” or if I can’t actually make the decision, it’s “Casey, WHAT DO I DO” < if I don’t get replies for those things, I go into MAJOR panic mode because I’m so scared of letting people down, or making the wrong choice.

It takes a while, but you’ll find someone, I promise.

Hold Fast

Hi Vanessa!

I had a bad response. Ooooh boy. It was really hard. I love my mom, but she said really horrible things. But what got me through it was when I opened to one of my best friends and I told her what my mom told me she looked me in the eye and was so horrified. She told me she loved me and that she’s always be there for me. My friend’s reaction showed me that someone cared and that I was still loved. Later on my mom apologized, but when you first open up you might get the negative. But you will also get the positive. Their reactions are secondary. What is important is that you realize you are worthy of help.I never sought help for my self harm. I was caught and I didn’t want to stop. It took time and therapy to want to stop. The thing is some people won’t understand. But some people will. And the funny this is that people will surprise you. But no matter what you are worthy and loved. I have generalized anxiety and I worry too much all the time. And it can cause problems in my life. I used to get so anxious before classes I would hide in the bathroom and I’d never actually go into the classroom. I once went to a tutoring session and I cried because I actually understood something. I had become so anxious I believed I was just stupid and couldn’t do anything. I realized it wasn’t healthy and it took time for me to realize it wasn’t healthy. So reaching out and letting others know what is going on is important because your loved ones can tell you when your stress is disrupting your life or when it might be too much

First all, it good that you post about you panic attacks becuase, it better to let it out than keep inside and know wht you are going through. I dealing with issue like Anxiety and depresssion having those moment are not pleasent state mind. I also self harm my self such as Punching my head a thousand time, beause I was so anger at myself that I felt I need to puninshed mysefl. I also had told that girl that I was in love with, that hurt myself becuase of her and felt like terrble. The hard things about self harm is an additions, it working process to over come it. But there are way to get that dark emotion out in a healthy and less Detructive way of fighting these moments. There are different way for everybody. Also there are move than ones to cople with these issue. Its could be like drawing, writing music, Playing Basket ball, watching tv or simply as going for a walk or even cleaning. The best to do is distracts your mind, it will calm you mind down. Also, anxiety attack are very scarely, but remeber that they do not last for ever, you tell your just having anxiety, just you were having a headache, do not fight you feelings, but let mind feel was it going to feel. Also try sit down and breath. Let you thoughs be thoughts and just be in the moment. In addition, you should to your boyfriends about your issues, I know it may seem stressful, but in relationship you need to honest and be their for each other. The best thing to do is tell him about what you going through, because there are open mind people that want to help you and their people are going through this, trust me you not alone. Its hard battle to fight and it seem hopeless, but think of it this way you are important and you value. You are part of this universe and like the starts, planets, and alll matter, you are something specfics. Please Dont be Afraid to talk about you axniety, it best to let in healthly way. Becuase I know you hear this alot , but self harm does not meke the pain go away, that does not mean to not feel your emotions, it letting be emotions. Such as, if you have to cry, then cry becuase that the body way dealing with all the mess things inside and you want get a punching bag or hit a pillow, as long you not hurting yourself or others. Please stay healthly and find peace.