I can’t handle my situation

I was playing right with family and my friend. My mom check trying to tell to how play the game. But I got irritated and walk out during own nothing. While playing I kept think of much of a dumbass that did not know how to play. Kept remind that I was to much dumb ass for college, high school and life in general. I felt like dick cause my friend wanted to play cards and I was acting like a downer. It’s suck I became a drag to hang out with.

Earlier I had anxiety episode while driving with him, we in Maine , however we from mass and have not self isolate for 14 days. It been getting me on edge and felt I was going snap at any minute. I turn into a self center person and it hard for me to have friendship and to be family with me. I just can’t help but think for myself sometimes. I just hate myself and feel I’m never a good person.

I feel back on medication, it suck don’t have the best health insurance. I just hating on myself right now. Again I’m glad don’t have a girlfriend, cause I make for a shitty boyfriend.

Overall, it hard for to have close relationships with people because I’m end being a shitty person to them.

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Damn, I had same “tides” as a teenager. Thank God I’m not one any more. As I see it: at young age we lack experience of any sort. You never lived this life before, of course you have no idea what’s right or wrong.

You think that you are playing the game wrongly? Fine, great. Seriously, continue, and wait till your friends correct you. They don’t do that, don’t look irritated or confused? Probably because everything is going well, and they are just enjoying time with you. If they give suggestions, it means only one thing - now you know what to do. You never lose in such situations.

“I became a drag to hang out with, I’m never a good person”… Next time try to literally cancel such thoughts. Look very carefully to others. Do they look disgusted and bored? Or calm, interested and attentive?

About your mother. Think about following: does she really wish you bad and want to distract you or is it her instincts telling her to teach you constantly? She cannot help it, it’s her duty)

ALSO! If you are able to survive without medication, if it’s not vitally important, please PLEASE don’t do any. It might contain benzodiazepines or some other stuff, quitting which is hell of a thing. Getting dependent sucks.

Man, it can be so tough to see yourself choosing actions you wish that you could go back and change. I think we’ve all been there. What I’ve seen as a pattern though is that you choose to beat yourself up when, in the moment, it’s not like you’re /trying/ to be a monster…you’re responding out of emotion. Which makes total sense. Pretty sure we ALL do that. But to come down on yourself with such a heavy hammer of shame…I don’t think that’s fair. That’s not who you are, and that’s not what you deserve. You’re someone who genuinely cares, who genuinely wants to be better, someone who has a good heart. And you’re imperfect. Welcome to the club!! You’ll be imperfect until you die, man. It’s just part of being human. I am imperfect, too. So is everyone here. I think it might do you more good to practice accepting yourself than choosing to try to hammer yourself straight. It’s something I’m practicing right now too.

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