Another day where my dad is mad about me, where I wasn‘t good enough, where I just failed.
I decided that this world will be safer without me. I am just a burden for the people around me. And to be honest this White-Dove-Challenge on Friday was a success and now it feels like all my energy, power and positivity is gone for this. I don‘t know why I fought so long for nothing. It feels like that I am at the same point I was last year because I am at the same point. Everything I touch will broke, everyone who spends time with me gets down. I am like black whole.
I decided that I will give up, after a fight which took 7 years. I will tell it to my dad to show him that he was wrong. That people die as well when they say it before. He is such a stupid idiot and thinks that he is always right that he is the only one that know whats right and whats good for me. He thinks he knows me. I don‘t know what I am still doing here. I am feeling so wrong in this world.
I will leave this community, the school, the life, just the entire world. It‘s better to live without me. I even see how my best friend enjoys it more to spend time with others. Like dodging me. She is refusing, so she doesn‘t need my help anymore. I think, I am done. Thank you for the great support and stay strong 
Hey @Zicke576,
I see you. Please give yourself time, still. You matter. This world wouldn’t be better without you at all. You are not like black whole. This simple can be very challenging at times and even feel like bad things never stop. But it does. And there is still beauty to seek all around. Your life is not over.
I know I’m just a stranger to you sharing those words. Although I genuinely mean it: please, don’t give up on yourself.
Hi @Zicke576
Friend, I know you are having a really hard time but things will get better I promise you, this world is not better without you, it is a far better place with you in it.
I do not know why your friend is not seeing you today, maybe something is on her mind, maybe something is happening in her life that is making it difficult but micro sees you, I see you and we love you, we value you and we want you to remain in this community as a friend and as a support to other. Stay strong You are loved. 
hello there friend,
wanna hear something? You didn’t fail me today. You are hurting and you came here and made a post. To tell you the truth? I still find it a bit difficult to open up and share the way you did just now. You just inspired me.
In a small way, you just touched my life, and made a meaningful impact on it.
And wanna hear another thing? Your dad is just one person, in a world full of billions of people. you’ve been battling and struggling with some big issues, and it feels like things aren’t changing.
But I want you to know that this feeling of “Everything you touch will break” while it feels so strong, and I know a large part of you believes this is the truth, I wanna tell you that things change, life is never constant. You are not a black hole, friend.
Is this the same friend who was also struggling? When people are struggling and recovering, they sometimes keep to themselves a bit more while they process all the things they’ve learnt after big incidents.
I would like to ask you to also stay strong. You wanna know another way to escape this pain? Live through it, live past it, live through this tough moments where you’re fighting with your dad and feeling badly, and live to reach the day where you can be independent and live ad do the things that make you happy. You wanna show him he’s wrong and doesn’t know you? Show him!! Live and heal and thrive and be filled with such joy and peace that he will see how well you’ve done.
i like talking with you friend. I hope you will stay with us. i also want to thank you for helping your friend. Even if she is a bit preoccupied right now, your love and concern for her are not wasted or unseen, I see you, I see you trying. Stay strong, friend! It can get better.
Thank you a lot for the support.
I tried to kill myself yesterday but it seems like it wasn‘t enough. My parents doesn‘t know anything about it. This morning I called Josi who tried to kill herself last week. We talked for around 1-2 hours. She is feeling better.
@Sita No, I didn‘t mean Josi. It‘s friend from school and unfortunately it‘s not like once or twice it‘s 2-3 weeks. I was already thinking whether it‘s my fault because I am not good in keeping in touch with people. My friendships are like my mood, such an up and down but mainly a down.
Always when I think the bad time is gone and I will get a bit time to relax, feel better, to heal is coming the next thing that punches me.
Probably I won‘t reach my dream. I know I told to murph1102 never give up and always keeping fighting for the dream. But they are only looking on grades and mine are so bad. It doesn‘t matter how much I study, it‘s never enough. I am not good enough.
I am sorry for burden you guys
Zicke, you are not a burden and if we didnt want to hear from you we would we wouldnt respond to you and we respond to you because we care about you. I for one am truly grateful that “it wasnt enough” yesterday. Please Zicke, please call a crisis line the next time you feel like that, that is why it is there, these people are there to help you in that moment. I am glad your friend is feeling better,and you are feeling better? I wish you really knew and could feel the love that people have for you, it would lift you up so much. We are all ticking along until somthing negative happens friend but you cant just wait for things to go bad or you are never going to live, try to enjoy the moments that you feel ok and if you feel good embrace it.I am glad today is a better day. Much Love Lisa. x
Dear @Zicke576,
It is a relief that you are here today. You’ve hurt yourself more than enough. Are you safe right now?
Please let your parents know what happened and how you feel, if you trust them/feel like they could support you through this particularly rough time. Suicidal thoughts bring this tunnel vision that make us feel like life is unbearable, while really it is not. But it requires time and support to get out of such a rough patch. I have been there. I promise you this is not the end, that you are not a burden, and you are more than enough right as you are. You don’t need to prove your value. You are worthy of love and worthy of life.
Probably I won‘t reach my dream
I would love to hear about your dream, friend.
From: ManekiNeko
I’m so glad you are here with us, I hate that you’re feeling this way and that sadness has really broken you down. I assure you that you are not a black hole and there are people around you and people in this community that genuinely care. There is not a soul who would think that anything would be better if anything happened to you. I think your dad is coming from a place of love too. You are so loved and seen. Have you been able to speak to your best friend? Maybe ask them if they can come spend time doing something fun like watching a funny movie or go for a walk and find as many different flowers as you can. There is so much beauty for you to enjoy and every single one of them in that moment will be unique to your own self. I’d love for you to experience them. Keep talking and pour your heart out as much as you need, but be here with us so we can help share it.
From: SuchBlue
Hi Zicke,
There are people who care about you. We are about you. Some people might not care about you but there are still people who care about you. There are still positive days and they are not all gone. All we can do is try to increase them, and I hope that we can help you increase them. You can’t overcome life by giving up on it. Maybe try reaching out to your friends, if they want to hang out with you or talk to you. You won’t reach your dream if you give up now, but if you keep pushing, you have the opportunity to do so. We are here with you, see you and love you.
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hey, Zicke576! I just want to start by saying that I’m really glad that you are still around and you are never a burden
Thank you for coming here and sharing your life and your struggles with us. I hope that the next time you find yourself in that dark place that you call a helpline or a friend. Please talk to someone about all of this so that the world doesn’t lose you. You are a valuable member of this community and you matter to us, to your friends and family, and to the world. Please let yourself rest and try not to stress about life, just let life happen.
You are good enough and you always will be. Please keep us updated and please keep fighting
From: Rohini_868
I’m glad you’re here with us, and thank you for your trust, friend. It sounds like it’s been a tough couple of weeks.
I’m glad Josi is doing better too. I’m glad she’s getting the help she needs now to recover.
I hope you will also let your parents know how you’re feeling, and know that there are resources to help you through these feelings and thoughts. Please keep us updated on how you’re doing. As for the other friend, can you try asking them directly if everything is okay? Sometimes we need a little space of our own, to think and feel. Do you have other friends that you can talk with or share your feelings?
Stay strong, and thank you for being here with us.
Hello,
I didn‘t try it again yesterday. I didn‘t talk to my parents about this. Because my dad told me that when I start again with this topic he will hit me. He never did but they don‘t even understand me, I am too tired to try to explain it but to be honest partly I don‘t even know what‘s wrong with me.
On Thursday Josi‘s therapist called me I talked with her a while and told her what happened. I felt good even it wasn‘t my therapist. My session last few sessions got canceled because of covid. I am still not sure whether I talk with her about it because she might need to tell it to my parents and I don‘t want this anymore.
Why is living in a society so complicated?
I am not even able to take the subway to get to training or school. Instead of I take the Bus and need 15 minutes longer. But one day I wanna try to take the subway with a friend. In case I still have friends.
My dream is that I study medicine and become a doctor. Gweny even started studying and before we both knew that she has a brain tumor we said that I will come with her and we study together. But now I am not able to go with anymore. She was always so ambitious.
I am thankful to have you guys who are there for me and support me. It helps me a lot. I am a bit better, yes. So I will survive the day especially because of choir in the afternoon, I enjoy it really.
Thank you a lot!
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