I can’t keep going

Hello! I am new here.
I am struggling. My whole life has been a struggle.
Childhood/adolescent sexual abuse. Divorced parents. Excessive rejection. I’ve never truly felt loved.
I’m in my late 20’s
I have struggled with suicidal thoughts since 2015.
Mental health issues/illness.
I have trusted in Jesus. And He is the only reason I’m still here.
I am basically completely isolated at this point.
I’ve isolated due to mental health for years.
I’ve tried everything. Called every crisis line, tried to talk to friends, Pastors, family friends…
I can’t do it anymore.
My suicidal thoughts are getting worse by the day and more serious.
I can’t keep living. I mean I can, but I feel completely alone. We’re meant to live on this earth with other humans. So how can I go on with all the rejection and pain I’ve felt?
Idk. sos.

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I feel I’ve been walking this life alone. Jesus is with me but I’m not sure how I am expected to live without people. I don’t trust anyone, and it feels everyone’s betrayed and abandoned me. It’s like, am I a joke? I went to a meeting that should’ve helped but someone mocked my mental illness. I have no friends. And no family I trust. I’ve been hurt so bad. It’s just terrible. Why am I here.

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Dear savs,
There is more to life than you must think. If Jesus thinks your’e not ready to die yet, you aren’t.

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Thank you! I guess there is more. It’s been a long road. But I will be ok. :blush:

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Hey @savs,

Thank you so much for being here, sharing your story but also how you feel. It’s so important to reach out when you need to, especially if you feel very isolated these days. It’s been a rough year so far. With covid, lockdowns and all these reminders that make us see this world as chaotic. Going through those events when we already carry other burdens can be discouraging. I hear you, friend. You’ve been through a lot. You experienced things you didn’t ask for. You’ve been doing a lot to face those demons, yet sometimes it feels like it’s still not enough.

For what it’s worth, there’s a lot of my heart that resonates with your post. Just like you, I’m in my late 20’s, I had my share of painful experiences at a young age, tried a lot of things to heal to the point of wondering why it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. But you are not running out of options, even when it feels like this. First, you can be proud of your efforts and all the things you’ve been doing for your own well-being. But also, I want to encourage you to keep giving yourself a precious and very needed gift: time.

I hear your exhaustion. And gosh, you have the right to be tired. You have the right to say it. The things that happened to you were not fair. It is not someting you should have known. But even if the past can’t be changed, there is something that remains true through all the ups and downs that you might encounter: what others did to you or said to you will never define you. It will never say anything about your worth, about your purpose, about the point of this life. It won’t condition your future, even if your pain feels crippling sometimes. You are so much more. And your heart won’t be hurting forever as it does right now.

You’re not a joke. At least, know that what you say here is taken seriously and truly respected. I’m so sorry you felt so alone and isolated for such a long time. It’s hard to trust others when we keep the memory of past betrayals and hurt. Though I also hear that you managed to talk to your loved ones, which is truly awesome - and again, you can be proud of this. It sounds that you have people around you, but maybe they don’t really understand what you try to explain to them? When I feel in pain and haunted by old memories, I feel pretty alone too. Not that I am physically, I objectively have people in my life and I know that I am loved, from a rational standpoint. But I tend to feel alone because it feels like no one can understand. It’s hard to find the right words, to explain how it feels to try to heal from abuse. But it can also be hard for others to feel empathy or not be off-topic. Which brings me back to my pain and makes me want to isolate even more.

Abuses, suicidal thoughts, rejection, being laughed at… all of those things put you in a place where you feel a deep loneliness and disconnection with the rest of the world. It builds emotional walls between you and others. But those walls can be destroyed, with your own strength, resources, perseverance but also patience. It’s okay if sometimes it feels like your walls are up. You’ve been hurt and disappointed, so I can only say that those walls have a reason to be. But there’s also some good in this world that is worth stepping outside and take some risks - in a healthy, safe and progressive way. Those good things include people. Not everyone is going to hurt you. And I hope that, by being in this community, you’ll see progressively that trusting yourself with others is still possible. You are among friends here. No judgment, no rejection. Only a huge amount of compassion and gratitude to you, for sharing your heart and your story. It feels like you are alone right now. But you are not, savs. You are seen, you are heard, you are loved.

Keep growing friend. Keep trying. Allow yourself to fail - that’s okay. But please, keep giving yourself the time that your heart needs to heal and regain some confidence. You are beautiful. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. :hrtlegolove:

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Hi! Thank you so much for all of that!!! That was extremely validating and kind of you to say all that.

I am trying to get help for myself. It’s just hard because so much is going on @ once. I feel so confused but I’ve had some time to be by myself, without the abuse, and I am healing little by little. Time & God.

Yeah trust is hard. For me it’s all or nothing. Which is very wrong but it’s just how things are right now.

People probably misunderstand me but I know who I am and what I’ve been through. It’s still hard to have confidence. I know it wont always be like that! But it’s hard when I’m trying to regain that confidence.

Everyone on here is really nice! It’s nice to be able to express myself without feeling like someone understands.

Thank you for your kind words! Blessings!

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Hey Sav,

Reminds me a lot of how I have felt for a good portion of my life. Although I struggle with similar frustrations at times, there’s a few things I’ve picked up on the way that have helped me get in a better place mentally. 1) Don’t sell yourself short; I’m sure there are things you’ve done in life that you are proud of, and rightfully so. Its important to reflect on those things and give yourself some credit. 2) When you think about giving up, remember that you are exactly where God wants you to be. I wanted it all to be over at one point. I sobbed as I was getting ready take my own life. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving my family wondering why, and the heartbreak they’d endure. So I prayed and asked God for strength. The very next day, I met the woman that I fell in love with. The Lord works in mysterious ways. 3) Maintain that relationship with the Lord.

“For I consider, our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed within us.” - Romans 8:18

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That’s amazing! God does have a plan :blush:

Thanks for the encouragement!

He’s the only thing that brought me through!

God is good. :blush:

Thanks again!


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Next time you’re feeling down or like you can’t keep going, remember there’s people out there praying for you to not only keep going, but to thrive. You got this! We’re all rooting for you!


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Thanks so much for sharing savs and I am so glad that you are here. Feel free to message me if you ever need some one to talk to!


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