I can’t take this anymore

I can’t do this anymore. I’ve had to suffer so much and it’s just unbearable at this point. So many bad things keep happening to me, again and again. My depression and anxiety just gets worse, and it doesn’t feel worth it anymore. Anything I enjoyed now just doesn’t feel worth living for. I feel so horrible, so alone and broken. I’m at my limits and I don’t know what to do. I’ve attempted suicide, but every time it failed. As a result, I now have little to no access to items that could be used to try again, but therapy has never helped and I’m getting desperate. I feel so hopeless, knowing there’s no other solution. I guess I just wanted some advice on how I would do it in these circumstances.

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Hi there, welcome to Heart Support. I’m sorry to see that you are feeling so hopeless.

I’m not sure I understand exactly what you’re looking for. I can assure you that no one here wants to see your life come to an end, and so you won’t find suggestions to help with that with your minimal ‘instrument access’. We will all be here to offer support and suggestions for help though.

My immediate suggestion would be to contact the suicide crisis line, which also allows for chat if you’re like me and don’t like talking on the phone. That number is 800-273-8255.

Otherwise, maybe you can find another hobby or activity to keep you busy. The arts are usually good for releasing tension or bottled up emotions. If that’s too much, then just start with baby steps. Set goals for yourself to accomplish, and try to be sure to exercise good self care. Affirmations help a lot too.

Well, I don’t have a phone anymore, so even if calling one of those hotlines helps, I wouldn’t be able to do it.

Hi there! You mentioned that therapy hasn’t helped - have you checked out seeing a psychiatrist? Or dove deep into, specifically, cognitive behavioral therapy? Those 2 can also help too :slight_smile:

Dear friend,

Please, please, know that we are here for you. Please know that you are not alone. Please know that this community genuinely loves you, and we don’t want to lose you. I imagine that the pandemic has just exacerbated everything and all that you’re going through, and I’m so sorry that the world just feels as though it’s closing in on you. I hear you. I hear you about depression and anxiety, and it’s debilitating and scary and pain. My heart truly breaks at hearing about the suicide attempts, and please just know that there is hope, and there is light. Even if you can’t see it or feel it right now, you need to know that, while it’s okay to be in this place right now, we don’t give up.

We’re not giving up on you, and you’re not giving up on yourself. I can understand that therapy is hard to access or you don’t get connected to the right people, but please know that there are still other options out there. How about online therapy? How about seeing your general practitioner and seeing if they have some recommendations and can do a check-in with you? HeartSupport has a great discord server with lots of resources posted, as well as our community chats. I’m not sure if I can post the link, but perhaaps @Micro or one of the other admin can do it?

You are loved. You are loved. You are loved.
Hold fast my friend.
Alex

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That’s not going to work. Technically, I’m not on a website like this as far as my mom knows, and she basically prevents from talking to ANYONE, even friends, online. Only reason I’m on here is because it’s not blocked on my school device. That’s the only reason I can say what I’m saying here. An online therapist or discord server won’t be a possibility because of that.

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I was in PHP for like a month, where they did all sorts of CBT and DBT crap. Not helpful at all. And either way, I absolutely hate the people there. Therapists too. They act like “everything’s going to be fine” or “you should try [thing]”. They act like they understand but it’s far from that. Nothing they do helps and I hate them.

I’m sorry to hear this. Unfortunately sometimes it can take a few tries before you find a therapist that fits you. Was that month your first / only experience with therapy?

I see. Perhaps you are not going into therapy in the right state of mind? Your mindset has a long to do with how you perceive the world and, beyond that, if for example you are being forced into it, it is easy to go into the situation with a closed mind that almost guaranteed a bad outcome.

In spite of your unfortunate experiences this far, therapists are trained to get you through your hard times and the vast majority that I’ve met absolutely love people and genuinely do want to help them through their hardships. They do actually know what they’re talking about and it can be worth the time to take their suggestions and try. What’s the worst that could happen? I know in the best case scenario you will get better and that is worth the time and effort.

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I’m sure many therapists are nice, and I don’t think they’re genuinely mean or anything, it’s just that I feel like I’m trying so hard to get out of this, and it doesn’t work and they say “oh you should’ve done this instead” and I end up feeling worse and like it’s all my fault even though I try. If that makes sense.

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Oh yes, that definitely makes sense. I believe that you are trying your best, and I also believe that whomever told you “you should’ve done” was probably in the wrong. Granted, I am not in your shoes and don’t know the whole story, but “should have” really should be excluded from a lot of language. The fact is you did what you felt was right in the moment and no matter what anyone says or does, you can’t change the past. Therefore, saying you should’ve done some else is pointless. It is good that you tried anything at all, because it shows you still have fight in you. You can do this with the right help. Perhaps see about a different therapist or even a different establishment. I’ve been to good and bad ones, and unfortunately it’s a trial and error sort of thing.

Well, back then, I was a lot more hopeful then I am now. I don’t have the resilience and drive to keep trying anymore.

Hmm. Well maybe we can help you through that. You matter and are worth helping. If there was something someone could do for you now to make you feel better, what would it be?

I honestly don’t know. I feel like if someone really tries to help me, it won’t work and they’ll think they let me down. When I could talk to my friends, they always said they felt bad they couldn’t really help me. I just don’t want to drag everyone down with me. They have their own problems too.

Do you think maybe you could try not assuming what they can/nt do or feel? I have found when it comes to anxiety and depression, it is common for us to assume that the worst will happen and therefore there is no reason to really try. The tragedy of this is that many times, we are wrong. Furthermore, we rob ourselves of any possibility for help.

It is ok to accept people’s help. It can be hard to think anything will change, but it is important to remember that if you never reach out, you’re guaranteed to not get the help you so badly need.

In an effort to go easy on yourself, you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself and your feelings by assuming what others will do or how they react. This is not your burden to bare and you are already hurting. If they feel they have let you down, that’s unfortunate, but they can handle that. That is assuming that they can’t help and do feel bad. Again, they may be able to help, if even just a little, and it is important to hold onto that hope, especially when you are feeling so down and out.

Yes, we all have problems. Some are facing more challenges than others. Some have full plates. Some know that it is pushing themselves too far to help someone else because they need to help themselves first and all of those things are perfectly valid. But on the flip side of this, there are people who have a decent handle on their lives, who may be facing challenges but are still able to offer a helping hand, who are willing to help take on your burdens so that you may feel the weight lifted from your shoulders.

You are worth helping. Please don’t take on the burden of worrying about theoretical future outcomes because that is one thing you can do now that might make you feel a little better. Worry about here, now. Continue to reach out for help and know that you matter and you are worth it.

@PleaseJustKillMeAlready

I don’t know what caused your depression and anxiety, but all the thing you say hits me 100%. I feel absolutely the same, just in my own scale. And i don’t know how to solve this either…
Tried 3 therapists and one of them just dumped me with: “oh, sorry, you are too angry today, here is the door, goodbye”. Today i wanted to solve my hand pain problem and the surgeon said i have artrosis . Me, having 60+ desease in 33.

But one phrase from my friend made me think. He said: “If you think: what’s the point in living, then your body thinks so too and just stop functioning like it should”. Basically, it’s a never ending cycle only you can solve. You already made a huge step posting your feelings to complete stragers (they say it’s very brave :slight_smile: )

Please write if ANYTHING helps you, even if it have tiny nano improvements, because i cannot find it yet too.

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I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. But I guess it’s nice to have someone who feels the way you do, right? I’ll try and find something, especially knowing it’ll help you. :blush:

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Same here :slight_smile:
I don’t know why, but your words make my world a bit better. Thanx for that!

@PleaseJustKillMeAlready

How are you holding up? I really hope that i can at least try and help you. Please let me know if i can help you in any way.

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