Anyway, I am a college transfer student. I am transferring from a community college to a small university in a few days. I was living in a very abusive home while in community college. It was a full on trap house with different heroin/meth users in and out daily. Someone even overdosed a few weeks ago. I had basically lived like this my entire life because this is my family I am talking about. It’s exhausting trying to make it through college when I was always on panic mode. I was exposed to death threats and HIV almost daily. The AC AND plumbing didn’t work properly either. My house would get so insane that I would have to find empty classes to sleep in every week.
I decided to save as much money as I could to get a student apartment at my new school. Everything was going good, I saved everything I made at my work-study job and received a couple stimulus and cares act checks. I had done all the calculations and was convinced I would be able to afford a one bedroom student living apartment that is only 10 minutes from campus. (Walking to campus is a big thing for me because I don’t have a car.) I was led to believe by the apartment management I needed to sign my lease ASAP because they were filling up quickly. I signed and paid my deposit in February.
I was so sure I would be getting a refund from my financial aid this school year like I had at community college. I know university is more expensive than community but I genuinely thought that meant I would get even more. I just found out yesterday not only am I not getting a refund, but I owe THEM $2,000. It’s…fine I guess. I don’t know how I could have been so stupid. No one told me this would happen.
So I took out the max student loans I could, both subsidized and unsubsidized. Then I found out I was only awarded $3000 in work-study money, meaning I can only work 9 hours a week opposed to the 17 hours I was working at community college.
I’ve done all the math and I am barely making it. I think I can do it, but the stress is killing me. I feel like I made a huge mistake. I just wanted my very own space because I was surrounded by wailing drug addicts 24/7. I even had to share a bed with 1 to 2 other people. I just wanted to be ALONE for ONCE and I genuinely thought I could make it. I even thought I could buy a cheap used car this year. I can’t. I can barely do anything.
I was counting down the days for this all year and now I’m just sobbing. If I had a car I could get a real job but I can’t afford one. I have worked so freaking hard to get this degree. I had to take 12th grade twice because of a suicide attempt and community college was a nightmare because of my living situation and covid. I just can’t handle this stress.
Where I live, a ton of student housing has been built, which has created vacancies where the students resided before the new buildings were built. A lot of students are attracted to roommate situations, where they rent a three bedroom apartment, so it costs each of them around 500 a month. All the students who have moved into the fancier apartments, have left some of the smaller and cheaper ones available.
I don’t know what prices are like in your area, but here, around Florida State University, there are quite a few rooms to rent for between three and $400.
You are absolutely right to give priority to finishing your education, even if it does require sleeping in a classroom sometimes.
When money was tight for me, I would do odd jobs, getting paid in cash. I even did babysitting and housecleaning. Maybe something like that could supplement your limited working hours.
To come this far, it’s evident that you have done a heroic job of surviving.
You can keyword stress reduction or stress management in YouTube and find a lot of good ideas. You can also try meditation. Escaping stress isn’t easy, but if you can calm and clear your mind, it will function more efficiently, and you are more likely to notice helpful opportunities.
I believe that if your struggles were compared to a 10 lap race, you are on at least the eighth lap, so the end of the race is near.
Hang in there! I have very good reason to have faith in you.
Hi. Nice to meet you. Welcome to the community. I hope you feel loved. Sorry to hear you are in a rough situation. First, you are not stupid. You are human being like everyone else in this planet. 2nd, don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes. This is something I got to remind myself. We are not the only ones. Third, you will figure something out. You are a smart person. Don’t quit and keep fighting. Thank you for sharing. Peace be with you.
Thank you for the kind reply. It really means a lot. I would be working odd jobs if I had a car, that’s my major setback. But then if I had one I would have to pay car insurance and gas which I just can’t afford. I already signed my lease so I can’t switch to a roommate situation for an entire year, and if I do that next year that just means I will owe my college more money because I will have a cheaper rent. I’m just in an awful situation.
