So for 5 or 6 years my dad has scolded me by getting 5 inches from my face and screaming at me using f-bombs and other cuss words. It would very much scare me and I would start to cry from fear. My dad would just tell me “Stop that crying there’s no need for that”. I always thought of this as normal until some of my friends pointed out that it’s mentally and emotionally abusive behavior. My dad would always tell me that he would never intentionally hurt me. He would tell me that everything he did came from a place of love. Is that not fully true? I know that he would never physically hurt me, but I never thought of that as abuse. I just thought that was what scolding was. Having this said to me was Very eye opening and now I don’t know what to do. I feel like getting help would just make things worse. I was already planning on moving out in 2 years or so. I guess that’s a better idea than I initially thought.
Hi Sarah… my dad was the same way sometimes. I remember a lot of times we would have discussions that seemed to go on forever but sometimes he would explode, get in my face, say cuss words, throw things. He never physically hurt me or my brother… but when we would get in trouble we didn’t know what we were going to get, the calm lengthy drawn out discussions or explosive scolding and in some cases we would be completely be ignored or wouldn’t speak to us until he was done being mad at us. My brother and I struggled our whole life being comfortable talking with my dad about anything … but we knew our dad loved us. He provided for us, made sure we had a roof over our head, clothes, food and we would take family trips and he showed he loved us and would always care for us but there were times he didn’t handle situations well. I was told as well that how he treated us was consider mentally and emotionally abusive although I don’t think that was his intent. Some dads discipline the way their dads did, and the cycle repeats. Maybe family counseling may help with communication between the two of you? He may not know how to express him being upset in an appropriate manner and may need some help himself to see that he could take a different approach that is more positive… I hope that things improve between the both of you.
I think that it is important just to realize that behaviors like that are not normal or healthy. Just knowing that that is not how you deserve to be treated can change your view of relationships and things like that so I’m very happy to hear that you got a new view on that kind of anger. I had a similar experience when talking through things in therapy and having an outside perspective. Just knowing that ‘hey, what they said or how they acted is not okay’ made a difference in how I set up boundaries. I hope that this perspective helps you as well. It is definitely not okay for someone to act that way towards you, no matter what their intentions.
@FaeTheProud ,
This post hits home for me not just because i feel your pain your going through but as i was younger i went through something similar, my dad is a good dad and I love my father its just in the past i used to have a crap ton of anger issues when i was at his house, he would also sometimes yell and i could only recall 1 time withing the past 1-2 years ago. I remember being hours away from my home getting ready to go on the road, it was breakfast time and i got in an argument with my dads girlfriend , it got physical and my dad has to break it up and i remember him or even i closing the door and i was sitting there in tears i remember grabbint my screen savor off of my phone and relapsing , this was december of 2017 and it left a mark on my hand from it and to this day no one besides this community knows about it . Anyways, You are not alone ! Hold Fast you’re worth it.
-Ashley-
Love doesn’t use profanity, Love doesn’t put down or humiliate someone. That’s not love Sarah it looks like your father has some very serious issues and I hope you can move out asap as people because its not healthy and good for you. No matter what parents are to be a sense of love and security not the punching bag of the parents. I believe the reason why we have so many bad adults is because of bad parents that weren’t meant to be parents to begin with. I hope things get better for you.
Much Love
ranma1983