I am sorry that you are having such a hard time controlling your emotions and feelings. As someone who struggles with Bipolar disorder, I have experienced some intense anger and frustration in my life. There were times where I felt like I just had no control over it or my feelings. On top of being autistic and having major sensory issues, I would find myself so upset and so angry for reasons I wasn’t even sure about sometimes. And other times at the smallest things that typically I shouldn’t be. IN those moments it was so hard to control my anger and I’d say or do things Id later regret.
After a while I sought out treatment. I saw both a therapist and a psychiatrist to help me control my anger and my emotions. It helped me pin point why I was struggling with such strong and intense emotions and also learn how to better control them
I am sorry you are having a hard time. The good thing is, that you recognize where you are struggling. You recognize that you have said and done hurtful things in your anger and in moments of snapping. What are some things that you think you could do to help calm you down when you get like that?
Would listening to some meditative music help? Or doing some guided meditation? There are all kinds of videos and audios on youtube that are available if you look it up. May be worth trying?
Does writing whats going on in your life and in your mind help at all? I used to write out all of the angry feelings going through my body. Id just write and scribble it all out until I burned out all of my energy and then I’d throw it away or delete it. Sometimes we just need a place to dump all of our frustrations. And then once we do, it feels so much better. Don’t be afraid to open up a private blog to just put your private thoughts when you are feeling heated <3
I hope that you get feeling better my friend. Don’t beat yourself up too hard okay? You got this. One day at a time. Just recognize where you may be struggling and try to make small steps to improve. We are here along the way.