I should preface this by saying I’m a sophomore in high school with DID and clinical depression.
I can’t deal with this anymore. The words are repeating in my mind, “you’re a failure of a human being” “you’re a selfish child” “you’re worthless” “you’re pudgy, lose your weight”. They may be from my mother, but now they’re ingrained in my being. I want to punch the mirror till I bleed every time I catch a glimpse of myself. Every time I look at my school work I feel like a failure if it’s not perfect.
I’ve done mistakes, I’ve done things my parents told me not to. I’ve been punished for them, but the words that are said stick with me. If I just listened to them all the time, I wouldn’t be the worthless, spiteful, failure I am now. If I just listened to them, I wouldn’t have depression over this and anxiety over a phone notification sound. If I just listened to them, I wouldn’t have so many restrictions on my devices.
If I just listened, I would be a good child.