I am 30 yo male. I have a problem we’re I am constantly thinking about two friends I was close with that screwed me over. I haven’t seen them in probably 3 years since Ive started ignoring them. It’s almost everyday at least once they go through my mind. I have alot of anger and hurt for both of these guys. One of the guys I grew up and we played with matchbox cars in the dirt all the way to taking our girls to the prom together. We went through alot together. 4 years ago I inspected his car for him at a garage I worked at. While I was working on his car our mutual friend works there also. One of the oil changers over herd him saying to our mutual friend that he was gonna pay for the job with a bad check and new it wasn’t gonna go through. He left and our mutual friend ran up to the cashier to tell her about it. She told me what happened and I called him. He acted like he didn’t know that was gonna happen and he was gonna pay me pack the next day. Well I never got it back. A year later he asked me to inspect his car again and I said I can’t do it and was very short with him. Since then he has text me acouple times but I haven’t answered. I’m so angry with this guy till this day. Everytime I see his face on Facebook the thoughts start coming. I was nothing but a loyal friend to this guy and he screw’s me. Around that time we didn’t hangout as much either and he was starting to go down a wrong path in life. Iduno if that had something to do with it or not. The next friend is the mutual friend from work. We would hangout outside of work with our kids and it seemed like we had alot in comin. We went camping together also and went to lunch alot together. One day I made a mistake at work and he had to fix it because I was on vacation. One guy said he was mad about it and was saying he didn’t even know how I still worked there. When I came back he was cool with me and denied saying that. Then a couple weeks go by I over here him talk shit on me. I call him out on it and he denied saying anything. He then turns it on me tells me I’m acting like a woman and tells me he isn’t sure if he wants to be my friend because I accuse him of talking shit all the time. I herd him plain as day. After a week of not looking or talking to me he starts to talk to me again but the friendship never was the same. He talked other shit again but I just let it go and kept my distance. I recently left that job 3 years ago and haven’t talked to him since. He has text me and I have only been real brief with him. These 2 guys I was loyal to and thought we were really good friends hurt me and it makes me feel like I did something wrong. I feel like something is wrong with me. I am paranoid even though it’s been 3 years they probably still talk shit on me even though I have done nothing to these guys but try to be a good friend. All I did was stick up for my self when it came time to. Can anyone help me move past this stuff.
Hey bro. Thank you for being honest. Friends can be so hard to come by especially as we get older and start having families and lifes of our own. I think you may have a few options with your two friends. Sometimes when we have toxic relationships in which the other person simply will not change no matter how hard we try we have to set up healthy boundaries. This is so we can prevent the other person from continuing to hurt us and so we can maintain our own sanity in dealing with this person. You’ve distanced yourself physically from these guys but maybe that includes blocking their numbers for a while or removing yourself from social media so you are not constantly reminding yourself about the hurt they have caused you. Although this can help you for a short time I don’t think it is the best solution long term. Ultimately I believe you have to learn to forgive. Forgiveness is always a tough decision but it is not about righting their wrongs. It’s more about you letting their wrongs stop hurting you. I suggest you watch HeartSupport’s new video with As I Lay Dying to see the power of forgiveness and how it can heal broken relationships in one of the worst of circumstances. I don’t want to mitigate your pain and I don’t want you to feel that what these guys did was right. However, holding on to that pain for such a long time Is only going to make matters worse. I wish you the best and if you ever need someone to talk with more personally please reach out!
Thanks so much. I appreciate your advice