It feels like every day is a battle, stuck in a dead end job. I know I can do so much more, but I can’t do anything. I was told all my life I’m so smart and talented but I got stuck and can’t move forward. It’s gotten to the point where I’m just drinking to be able to enjoy myself every once in a while. I don’t see the way forward.
I’m sorry you are having such a hard time my friend. Drinking is not very helpful. It may numb the pain but it’s like sweeping dust under a rug. The issues are still there later. Alcohol is a depressant and will drag you down. I’ve been down that road.
I know when things feel like shit it’s hard to find positive or healthy outlets to relieve that negative emotion and energy. But if there is anything at all that you can find enjoyment in away from alcohol that would make you feel a heck of a lot more better and be more productive.
What are some things you’d like to get done and accomplish? What are some things you really want to do? And what are some little goals that you can tackle down to get you a little closer to those things? Setting small goals to achieve the bigger ones are a good way to get started. If you’re up for it, a therapist can really help you and offer gentle guidance in helping achieve these goals.
I’ve offered mind calming playlists to others around the community to help relax the brain when anxiety is high. I’ve also suggested looking up rainy mood on google and headspace. These offer other meditative and mind calming resources when things are feeling stressful.
You could also get a free copy of “Dwarf Planet” if you haven’t already to help as a support and guidance through depression. There is also one for self harm. They can be found here:
We are here to listen and offer support and gentle guidance with anything you may be going through. You don’t have to go at it alone. We are all struggling and all here to work together. Stay strong
Man this is so relatable for me. It has taken a lot for me to see the small things that I am doing to move forward. I understand that at the end of the day taking a drink is the whole thing that will make you feel better. I have taken time to reflect on what can I do to move forward like updating my resume. Applying for new jobs while I have the one I am in. There is always ways to get out of the mud. You will get through this.
I understand this to an extent. When I had my major depressive episode, I felt stuck. Every day was the same - go to school, come home, do homework, and go to bed. I was 13 at the time so I didn’t drink, but I started self harming and that was my way out of it. It wasn’t until I started getting some help and building a support system that I was able to get out of it. I still struggle with depression and occasionally self harm, and I have a slight fear of creating a routine for the fact that I don’t want to feel stuck again. It’s okay to feel like that occasionally, but it’s not the end of the world. Maybe you can add something into your week that’s different - one day you spend time with friends, another day is for house projects, etc. I hope this helps.
I personally had to look a little deeper into the role I play in my job. I’m on the shop floor shopping for someone else. Picking the items, packing them ready to be delivered… I could be doing more good than this… right? Sure, but it’s still good. One of my customers could be someone with a disability that means they can’t leave the house without a carer… me doing my job, I’m allowing this person who is housebound to eat, to keep their house clean. etc… I am HELPING people - it’s just not direct help.
For me, I had to start getting up a little earlier to pray and do some reading plans from my app, in order to get through the work shift… The calmness that I get from praying, and some of the things I read in the plans to say over in my head when it gets rough… I don’t know if that’s your thing or not, but, find something that brings those things into your life even if its just that few hours for your shift. I mean, that’s coming from someone who relied on drugs everyday for so so long to get through even a 2 hour shift. I got through a 6 hour shift today without so much as a thought of using which is a big thing.
You can do this. It’s okay to feel this way, but, its not okay to let it keep you down.
I definitely don’t see my way forward either. I’ve been job searching for a while now. I feel like I wasted my graduate schooling by not having a definitive career in mind. I’m taking just about any opportunity but scared that I won’t find anything fulfilling.
I guess the thing that keeps me going is my activity in my dance community. I’m on a performing team, I volunteer at dance lessons twice a week, and I have made many friends through dance events. Being able to support my dancing is the only thing that keeps me motivated to keep up with the job searching. I guess to summarize, now that I have something worth living for, I hope to be able to find a way to support myself without selling myself short.
Thank you so much for the support everyone. I struggle with addiction, and I’ve managed to avoid the hard stuff so far. Hearing that there are people who care helps me so much. Thank you so much! Hopefully I will either find a new job or find fulfillment where I am at soon.