I can't hold on

(TW:mentions of suicide)

I’m in a really bad place. I feel like shit. Everything that usually makes me happy either makes me feel nothing or makes me feel worse. I want to cry all the time, I want to die. Even being with my family and they are usually my anchor I just feel worse and worse. Being alone makes me feel awful. I want to die every minute of every day and i have considered checking myself into a mental hospital but I also have anxiety and I don’t want to be ‘locked in’ in a place like that. Everything is pain and the only things I feel are negative. I screw all my personal relationships up because of mood swings and my childish moods. I starve myself because I don’t deserve to eat, it’s a way of selfharm and punishment for myself.
I really don’t want to live and i have no one to turn to. I know this is a heavy load and y’all can’t save me, but I needed to vent this somewhere because I feel so hopeless and it’s only gotten worse over the last month.
I’m an useless adult and i can’t see why staying alive and being a pain to everyone around is better than ending it and only cause pain one more time.

@DepressionDragon,
Thanks for being so open and honest!
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling currently. But please keep fighting, it may not seem like it now but it is worth it. You are a beautiful soul and a fighter. I am so glad you have thought about getting yourself help - it is an incredibly hard thing to do, but it is worth it because you deserve to feel better.

Stay Strong!

Michelle

@DepressionDragon, hey, it’s okay. I have hope for you. Stay alive for the fight. Find help, please, you are worth that. If it hurts like hell, then you know you are still alive, still here, still kicking life back.
I would give you all my strength, my pride, and my faith. We’re here. You writing here is proof you’re not completely hopeless. You give me and others hope to know that they’re not alone, and that to help you through your pain can help us survive through another night. We love you.

Stay strong <3

Thank you for reaching out. I’m proud of you for reaching out. If you’re considering talking to a professional, that would be really beneficial to you. Mood swings happen and the people in your life will start to understand if you let them know you’re struggling. From someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts on a regular basis, I can say this is an extremely safe place for you to reach out to and I strongly suggest you come and join the discord server (if you want a link give someone a shout) as you can meet some amazing people and get some more real-time encouragement.

Hold Fast
Kayla

@DepressionDragon

It sounds like things are really hard right now. You feel hopeless and like there is no way out. Like things will never be okay.

But let me tell you. Even though you may have felt this way for a long time, you, my friend, do not know the future. Even if this past week or month or year has been horrible, that is no predictor of the future. Sure, there will be more struggles and hard times. That is life. We all face them. But the truth is there could also be amazing things ahead for you, that you NEVER could have predicted in this valley that you’re in right now. Don’t you want to stay around to see those things happen?

I am not negating the pain you feel. I am just saying that isn’t it worth it to stick around and see what’s ahead on this adventure called life?

We all struggle. You are not alone in the struggle of life. We need each other. To lift each other up in difficult times. Can you stick around and be another who will encourage a fellow human in the trenches?

We need you. We need your voice. We need your words of encouragement that can only be birthed from a place of deep pain and despair, that you are in right now. Your pain can be a platform from which you can speak into someone else’s life. To give them hope that they aren’t alone. To let them know that someone else understands their pain because they’ve experienced it themselves.

You matter. Your pain matters. Your pain can be used to help someone else who is also experiencing pain. To let them know that they indeed aren’t alone.