I can't keep on like this

I’ve been forced to change my user name due to online stalking, defamation and harassment. The courts and police are now involved.

I’m not planning or intending to try and commit suicide, but there are many days I wonder why I bother. I am so lonely and so frustrated in many ways - socially, spiritually, companionship, romance and intimacy (virtually no hugs or cuddles even.) i have very limited social outlets which aren’t where i want to remain, but they do at least have some benefits and help me meet new people, often with rather different beliefs sets to mine. i mean, that’s okay, but with my bi-polar and fatigue, i really need peace and harmony in my life, not disagreements or regular annoyance at false teachings or practices.

some days, i think my cats have been the only two things giving me a reason to get up and feed and play with (one of them is very old and not well, so that is stressful most days in some ways.)

I don’t know what else to say for now, as I spent 9 1/2 hrs in A & E last night and had to then wait for a train back, due to tripping and smashing my face into tarmac - no idea why my nose and teeth aren’t broken, just one bloody nostril and one split upper lip… at least I got to see the Concert before it happened and I was also near enough to the door to get help!

Hey friend. I’m sorry that this is happening, but, I’m glad you feel like you can be open here.
I know how it feels to not have anyone around you to support you - to feel so alone… However, if the people that are around you aren’t doing your mental health any good, it might be worth looking into joining other groups or clubs in your area… What type of music are you into? Get talking to the people at those concerts, you can make friends there too.
I think that having your cats as a reason to get up is an awesome reason… There isn’t always going to be one big thing to give us the motivation we need in order to get through the day, sometimes it is something simple like our pets or a hobby etc.
Have you checked out HeartSupport’s workbook on depression? You can find it on amazon, or, if money is a problem you can get it completely free from the website. I think that might help bring some of the peace you’re looking for… At least until you can start to get out and do more of the things you like… Keep looking for that group or club - it will come and you’ll meet some awesome people…

I also encourage you to join the HeartSupport live streams on Twitch and our discord community, you’ll make some awesome friends on there - they have become my family, and we’ll be there for you all the same.

Depression Book -> https://heartsupport-merch.myshopify.com/products/send-me-a-dwarfplanet-book
Discord -> https://discord.gg/heartsupport
Live Stream -> https://www.twitch.tv/heartsupport/

Hold Fast

Thanks, Kayla, I was sent the book on Depression, but i found the workbook got me down when it asked me to list all of the bad things that have happened to me in my life. Looking back and listing so much bad and traumatic stuff was too hard for me at that time… ps the clue is in the name change

I know, it’s hard to do those things, but in order to heal from them and get over them, you NEED to do it… When I do things like that, I sit in the streams where I know I have safe people. If you have ANYONE you can sit with to do it, even if it’s online the way I do, go ahead - it’ll be worth it once you’ve done it.

The other thing is, HeartSupport have a partnership with BetterHelp, you can get 7 days free counselling through their affiliate link - aslong as you remove your card details before the 7 days, you won’t be charged. Also - if you find it helpful, they do provide financial aid, so they can take the price down to a more manageable number for you! http://betterhelp.com/heartsupport

thanks again, Kayla!

@Champagne I’m so sorry for all of the struggles you have been going through. No one should have to deal with that kind of pain. I don’t have much advice to give but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that we all care for you here. You have wonderful, supportive people here at Heart Support. Please know that you are loved and valued in the eyes of God and by all of us.

Please stay strong and hold onto hope each and every day! You are amazing just as you are!