I can't let myself be happy

Hi all,
I continuously feel like I can’t let myself be happy. Whenever I feel like I can be happy, I either overthink, get paranoid, become exhausted and lack motivation etc.

I’ll give you some examples.

  1. My career: I feel content in my career. I’m a teacher and I always wanted to be growing up. However, I’m not sure if I like it or not. I have days of dreading work and days where I’ve got the attitude of 'just another day". When I feel like I’m doing well and feel happy about my job, I begin to overthink about everything I am doing and then begin to lack motivation, making me lack in my work. I know I’m a good teacher but I can’t allow myself to be happy in it.

  2. My relationship: I’ve been through some rough relationships. I always gaslight myself in ways of saying ‘well at least you weren’t hit’ or ‘at least you got out safely’ however it doesn’t mean I haven’t gone through some trauma with it. I’ve been dragging that through my current relationship, which is a positive and healthy one. I truly love my partner and he loves me. I have days where I will almost lash out on him, stressed that he has done stuff which he hasn’t. Overthink that he hates me etc. I even know he has an engagement ring and I panic that he’s going to leave when I’m feeling depressed or cheat or rxpe me.

There’s more but this is already long enough. I don’t know, I know I could be happy, I could get off my meds etc but I feel like I’m never going to be happy. I feel like I’m always going to fail. If you have or do feel this way, how do you cope with it? How can you support yourself to reaching being content or even happy?

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Hi. Keep your head up. You sounds like a strong person that is very dedicated but you get lost in your thoughts just like me. It’s not easy controlling those little voices trying to protect you from harm. I know you said your on meds but you should look into talk therapy. It does wonders and should help you heal those open wounds so you can love again

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