I can't progress

[Z1833]

Decided to repost it from discord, since IMO it fits better in here.

Few days ago I had another session with my therapist, and we decided to start improving my social skills. Since I’m on quarantine for one more week (hopefully not), we came up with idea to use online communication for that, and basically join some gaming group, seek for somebody looking to play coop and just start talking with them, not only about the game.

It seemed very easy when we have been talking about that, but right now I’m so scared about making this first step, that I don’t know if I will be able to do that.

I had game and platform chosen during the session, but have noticed some issues with this - it’s on console, and my headset doesn’t work with it - so apart from convincing someone to use voice chat, I would also have to convince them to use discord or anything else.

Also, I have got tested today with negative result, and my friends are inviting me to hike a bit during the weekend - exactly at the time when I wanted to do this.

Yeah, I know it’s just excuses, but it feels like too big step for me atm. It’s conflicting, because I want and more or less know how to do that, but at the same anxious side of me is telling me, that nobody is going to answer anyway, or that the other side is going to stalk me, abuse my trust or basically reject, and it’s so fu**ing scary, that I can’t cross the line.

And I know that there is 99.9% chance that things mentioned in the previous sentence are not going to happen, but I have huge trust issues until I start talking with somebody, that it makes me feel like hiding in my comfort zone is better option.

I honestly don’t know what to do know - I want to progress, but at the same time I don’t feel ready to do it. On the other hand - what are the signs if I’m ready, if I have not experienced it. I understand what are my issues and that I don’t need to be perfect, developed some coping skills, so probably I am ready, but at the same time only the thought of pushing it forward is making me overthink everything.

[Ashwell]

Hi Z1833
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.In your place i would try to talk to the therapist if you could maybe reschedule your meeting because of First your friends inviting you and second your technical problems. I think you could buy some cheap headset that works with your console or borrow one from your friends if one of them has it. It is ok to reschedule an event because it suits you better.
Bye and take care
-Ashwell

[Z1833]

Hi Ashwell, thank you!

I could get another headset or find time in the afternoon to do this - it’s not an issue.

As I mentioned, for me it seems more like looking already for an excuse, because this task is too scary for me. Maybe I should discuss it with therapist and make one step backwards, just to be able to do two steps quicker in the future? But at the same time, I’m coming with the question from the last sentence - when I would feel ready to do it, if I feel like already I have got everything to progress, and am staying on this “magic line”, being afraid of just crossing it.

[Ashwell]

It is ok to feel afraid. I would definitely talk to your therapist about the way you feel so they know that you are not very comfortable with it but you want to go through it. I feel like it is quite a big step for you so it should be done in the easiest possible way for you so it is ok to reschedule so you can get the new headset and dont regret not going out with friends.

[Z1833]

Thank you! I just needed some word of assurance that it’s ok to fail sometimes - in this specific scenario - because I felt so disappointed of myself (“it’s just a simple thing, that you like to do, why can’t you do that?”).

Gonna calm a bit and see after the weekend how things are going to look like.

[Ashwell]

Good plan. I know what it is like not being able to do things that are easy for others. It is ok. You just need to take time and prepare yourself. I believe in you.