First off. I will say I am sorry for like never getting on here as much as i love this place…my excuses are lame. Im not a huge fan of typing away on my phone so much when it comes to having a lot of things to say. Anyway, I feel like i have fallen off the deep end. Without getting too specific, a lot of things have led to where I feel and where I am now. Toxic environment. Not battling improper/ impure thoughts the right way. No community or friendships at least face to face ones that are solid and worth having. My wife and i cant decide on a church( a subject thats been going on since we got married in 2012 and im getting weary of it) and because of that I have portrayed myself as single because one part of me wants to escape and the other part just wants to stay in the mundane. The other things is my actions as of late my warrant a split. I pretty much have been unfaithful from time to time since the beginning. My biggest handicap is my emotional state…i can never seem to grasp it or know what to do with it. Depending on when my wife is off on a saturday next, i am sort of planning a run away, packing some things, leaving a note before i leave, go from there. I cant bear myself right now. I am so lost in my mind i dont know what to think. ug
Please don’t leave in the “middle of the night.” If you can’t agree on a church, can’t get along and have sin lingering in, then one or both of you need to examine yourselves (as in how Paul describes in the Bible). Let me stress that…look at what the Bible says and look at yourself and get honest. If you “run away,” you will regret it forever. Talk to her straight up and deal with the uncomfortable hour or two and save a lifetime of regret. You’ll thank yourself in the end. Please, think of her and how she’ll take it and feel and all of that. You probably know or have known that it’s been over but she probably doesn’t. I’m not one for Divorce or whatever but it’s your life and you have to do what you think is best. But please do not leave her in the middle of the night with a note. Face it, feel the feelings and move forward. On a different note, I am somewhat experienced with the Christianity topic and am totally open to discussing those types of things if you need someone to talk to about that. I do not consider myself to be one but I’ve, let’s say I’ve been around.
Firstly, never apologize for not being more active. You can come and go as you need. No pressure.
Friend I’m really sorry that you are hurting and struggling so much. That you are facing so many difficult challenges. That’s really hard.
Friend to friend, darl’n, you need to be open and honest with your wife with how you’re feeling. It’s unfair to both of you to hold back on what’s going on and to keep going down the path of dishonesty and unfaithfulness. I’m sure you would want your wife to be open and honest with you too, Yea?
Don’t you think she is going to be really distraught if you just up and runaway?
I can however understand feeling trapped in a marriage and a unhappy relationship. I have been there. Like you, I wanted to get away. I often stayed for all of the wrong reasons. Part of it was because I had nowhere to go. But I finally couldn’t do it anymore. You should sit down with your wife and share with her what you are feeling. Tell her what makes you unhappy. And if you truly don’t want to fix it, you should maybe express a temporary and trial separation. This could allow you guys time to take a break and decide if it’s what you really want. You know?
But, I’m not here to tell you how to live your life friend. I’m just trying to help. I am not in your shoes so I can’t know what it’s like for you. So I won’t pretend like I do. But I care. I care about you and your wife.
You deserve to be honest with yourself and your wife. And you both deserve to live lives where you feel like you can be comfortably yourself. I hope you find the strength within your self to face all of these hardships so that you can take the steps towards a healthier and happier living.
You are always welcome to vent if you need to.
Stay strong
- Kitty