I can't take it anymore I want the pain to go away

I can’t take it its to hard my parents abuse me I was sexually assaulted when I was 5 and my mental health is the worst I fail at everything I have very bad grades and I fail at socializing with people I can’t do one thing right with out messing up I’m just a joke I want the pain to stop

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Hey there Jay,

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing this here. It sounds like you are carrying a lot right now and are really hurting. Trauma and abuse are so very hard to process. Know that despite what shame and past experience has told you, you are most certainly not a joke, nor a failure. You are so much more than what has been done to you. You are not to blame. You are not at fault. What you’ve experienced are things no one should ever go through and I can’t imagine how difficult it has been to carry all that you have been. How can we be of support for you? What would be most helpful for you in this time?

Hold Fast,
Hannah

It just all hurts and I don’t want to go on with life because what if something else happend I want to expirence any more pain and I’m afraid

My heart truly goes out to you. I don’t blame you for not wanting to experience any more pain and being afraid of being faced with more. You have experienced abuse and trauma which take their toll. However, they do not have to take control. Although ending your life can seem like the only choice you have to avoid ever being hurt again, it robs you of things ever getting better. Of you ever living a life full of joy, love and safety that you are so very worthy of living.

I’m not sure of your current situation but can I ask if you’ve ever been in counseling before?

Yes I am but I don’t want to tell them about my parents abusing me I don’t want cps to take me away from them even if they abuse me they are the only ones left even if it’s unhealthy I wanna stay with them

That is really great to hear that you are currently in counseling because although you don’t want to speak about the current abuse for fear of CPS, you can still process what you are struggling with with your counselor. I would encourage you to talk to them about what you’ve been feeling. You don’t necessarily need to go into detail about being abused, but maybe they can help give you further support regarding the concerns and fears you have about being hurt in the future and not feeling safe?

Yeah I geuss I could do that seems scary I don’t think them abusing me and the trumma I got from them abusing me is valid is because they gave me a house and food and are sometimes nice I mean it’s normal for parents to give there child a punishment I mean when ever I accidentally get a bad grade they yell and cuss me put or when ever I make a little mistake or accidentally stutter while talking they would yell at me and call me names its fine I geuss it wouldn’t be connserdid abuse cus it’s my fault I mess up and make mistakes mabey I deserve to get screamed at and cussed at we have nice moments its stressful and scary at times I want to escape but I can’t

Talking about trauma and abuse is never easy and can be quite scary. Maybe talking with your counselor about these experiences could help open up the door for you to be able to process some of the trauma that you have experienced as a result. Trauma is complex and it causes so many different responses and emotions to come up. Much like what you are experiencing of being afraid of future pain and hurt and not feeling safe. For that reason, it is so very helpful to have a professional who can guide you and walk alongside you on that journey of healing from it. I know you mentioned you don’t want to tell your counselor you are being abused for fear of being taken away by CPS, so you don’t have to literally say your parents are abusing you. If anything you can just be honest about what is bothering you at home and your counselor can go from there and give you some coping tools and great resources.

Recognizing abuse within families, especially from parents is so incredibly difficult. Especially when they provide food and shelter for you because then it can make you question the validity of the abuse you’ve been experiencing because how could someone who provides be abusive? The hard part is just because basic needs are being met, it does not mean abuse isn’t still occurring. Not only that, but it most certainly does not mean you deserve the abuse either. All of the yelling, name calling and belittling adds up to the point where you end up even questioning your worth. So know that you are not deserving of the abuse you are experiencing and that it is valid. Your experiences and feelings are valid.

You are carrying a lot right now so know that we are here for you and will be here to support you through this journey. Seeking healing from abuse and trauma can be scary but you have an entire community here to support you and who believes in you!

Hey Jay - the HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here. Let us know what you think; we’re all here to help.

  • John

I can’t find and resources I’m scared to look on Google because then my parents can see my search history I’m really sorry for asking but are there any numbers I can call for help (I don’t really have anyone in my real life I can ask for help) I’m so sorry also thank you

Hi Jay,
Here’s a link you might try.
Please remember you’re not, what happened to you, or what is happening to you. You are so much more, so very much more than what you believe about yourself, just give yourself the opportunity to know the wonderful and beautiful part of you that is hidden from you now. There is so much more to you than this pain and hurt. :heart:

Update: I’ve told my therapist about the abuse I’m to scared to say anything about the sexual abuse I’m gonna wait it out altho I saw that my dad has been more making comments about my body and its making me uncomfortable

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