I could have nothing left honestly

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1

Hello everyone,
I work as a model but things aren’t going good lately. The past two weeks have been very bad and things look like they’re going to be even worse work-wise. I love the job, but there are a few inconveniences that might ruin it all…
I realised I have nothing left if I lose this. It’s the only thing that helped me feel more confident in the past few months after losing everything and starting over, but i don’t want to be on ground zero again. I barely have friends and even if I have lots of talents and skills I feel like this is the only thing I’m really good at. I’m a good singer also but it’s too late to make a living out of that.
I’m studying at uni and it’s going good but it’s like plan B for me. I really want this modelling thing to be fine but I feel helpless. I feel like I’m worth nothing without it. Without this I’ll just end up being a normal guy that no one cares about. I don’t do it just for the fame factor, it’s mainly because I believe the job fits me so well, and I’m not born for a normal life, and I know that. I’m also working 9-5 to save money for a good school maybe in NY or Boston, but I really need to use all this creative and artistic skills.

Another thing that bugs me a lot is that I struggle with making new friends at uni. It’s almost impossible to reach out to people, and it’s hard to be this alone. I made 2-3 friends in 2 years, but when classes are over I always end up alone wandering through the streets to look for new places. I always go out alone but cannot attract anyone. Speaking of, there’s a girl I saw few days ago that struck me like thunder, I want to ask her name and maybe set a date, but I just feel so bad right now that I cannot do anything at all.
Today especially has been pretty bad. I switched off my phone (thing I always do when I’m doubt) but it didn’t help. I’ve been nervous and rude all day and I did nothing productive.

I just don’t know what to do. Everyone says “wait” but I’m so scared about the future…I know I’m young (21 yo) and these things can take 3-4 years but I just want work to be good, to make new friends and to meet a good girl to fall in love with. I haven’t been on a date for more than a year and it’s pretty depressing honestly.

Thank you in advance to everyone who’s been willing to read all of that, if it makes any sense

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First & foremost, thank you for taking the time sharing & sharing. In regards to your career, I am currently going through the same thing. I enjoy my current job and I am on the verge of losing it for various reasons. I realized that I cannot control the outcome, I can only control my character and work ethic & that has released me from trying to be someone that other people want me to be. In regards to your dating life, well my friend, I have been single for 3 & half years but it doesn’t mean I haven’t asked girls out during that time. It’s just that when I would, they would stand me up, or cancel last minute & wouldn’t attempt to reschedule. It is discouraging and makes you begin to question yourself but you can’t do that because you are not defined by humans. What helped me was surrounding myself with people I could honestly talk to about myself and my struggles. I know you said you have a hard time meeting people well I just want to let you know, I am here for you my friend.

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