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I did it again today

My friend left PHP today. I’ll never see him again. The staff there didn’t care when they saw my cuts. Or it just blended in with my skin color. I dunno. I’ll just do it again today though. I though of nothing today. Even when I did have the thought train go around my head, it was just encouraging me to self harm more. I really just know that I won’t even get better. No matter the therapy. No matter the meds. I’ll still kill myself in the end. Intentional or not. It’s stupid that I’m still alive after all of this though. Its Black History Month. I started my January worse than last year. I hate myself. I hate this.

hey friend please do not cut its not worth it i know it hurts to see a friend leave , The staff should care that you’ve cut . please reach out to the staff cause killing yourself and self harm IS NOT healthy please keep fighting we want you alive old fast.

I’ll tell the staff tomorrow if I can work up the courage too. I hate talking to any kind of authority though. I’m scared that they’ll just put me back in inpatient and I’ll just be wasting more of my mom’s money so I’d feel worse.

well no matter what inpatient may help im outpatient… and its not waisting your moms money … your mom is only tying to help you

I know you feel like a burden, that’s what mental illness does to people. But your mom can’t put a price on your life. She’d rather have you alive than have a few extra bucks in the bank. Stay strong and be brave. Your mom loves you, your coworkers love you, and we love you.

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