I did it. I moved

HeartSupport Support
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Thank you so so much to everyone that has helped me through this whole thing. All of you that hearted, and all of you that responded. I appreciate you all so much. Here’s to new (and admittedly very scary) beginnings. Stay strong and take care :heart:

Update: My family and I are on good terms, and I’ve moved. It’s so incredibly scary. I don’t know what anything is about in an entire new state and I have so much more people I’m meeting and I’m so overwhelmed. I wish I could go back but it’s too soon and I need to start doing my own things. I’m trying to trust my boyfriend when he says this is a great family. It’s just too much for me.

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Not in New York yet, but I moved away from my family successfully without them knowing, with my bf’s parents temporarily…I feel sick to my stomach.
I sent a letter to my mom online and blocked everyone…but I was too late on blocking my brother, said something along the lines of “Atleast think of mom first” before I deleted the application. I feel literally ill, I hate feeling sick because of my fear of vomiting.

I had so many breakdowns when I was quietly moving my stuff out, I left a bit of mess behind too and I feel really bad about it.

It’s of no suprise that they went as far as getting their boss to try and call my bf’s mom…idk how to feel…my brother sent a long message too asking out of “worry and concern”…No way am I speaking to him I know how they get. I really didn’t want to get his family roped into this mess but they helped a ton. I cried for my mom so much because I love her and hoped my brother would eventually understand but I know how they are. I know they’ll suffer financially but this is something I needed to do for myself.

Idk how to stop feeling sick, idk how to feel, my body is in shock and afraid they’ll drive 30 mins to get here and knock on the door. I atleast left, I did the big thing…now I feel absolutely terrible, how do I process all of this…take care everyone.

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Hey @itsnotoveryet,

I’m really proud of you for going through your decision and doing something that was needed, both for you and your boyfriend. I’m so sorry you’re hurting though. You expected it without a doubt, but I understand that this might be violent, surprising, and feel like having a deep storm happening inside of you.

I don’t know if it would be of any comfort, but, I certainly understand how you feel. Last year, I have decided to stop talking to my mom, I needed it for my own mental safety. It was not a new decision, but more something that kept growing through the years, until I found the courage to do it. I did the same as you: a letter online… then I blocked her everywhere, changed my social medias… because I couldn’t stand the anxiety of just trying to see her possible answer. I felt terrible, and physically sick as well. I have cried for days. The kind of deep cry that takes all of your energy. I had to sleep quite a lot in order to rest my body when it was needed. It was, and still is, a grief in itself. I felt guilty and was in pain for a while, not only for me and all the things I was suddenly saying goodbye to, beyond my mom, but also for her pain as well, because I couldn’t help feeling for her at the same time. It’s tough when you can’t help but feeling for others and caring about them. Love is, sometimes, made of pain that we can’t prevent from existing, especially when we realize that it has to happen from a distance.

So, the emotions are intense, mixed up, disturbing, and it might make you feel very lost sometimes. But I want you to know that there is no right or wrong way to feel in these circumstances. There is how you feel, and how you feel is absolutely valid. If you need to talk about it, even if you feel like it doesn’t make any sense, then just talk about it. You have a safe space right here to do it anytime you need. If you can eventually consider seeing a counselor, even just for a couple of meetings, then maybe that would be great too. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream. I’ve had all of these emotions, sometimes alone, sometimes mixed up, but what truly helped was not to try to repress them, because it was okay to feel that way. Journaling as well can help you let things out and find some clarity sometimes. This moment is, objectively, an important transition in your life and a sudden closure for many things, eventually hopes, thoughts, expectations. Your heart will need time to process all of this.

Overall, during a difficult time like this, you are more than allowed to be your own priority. If you can, try do keep doing things you used to enjoy or make you feel okay. Make time and space for you. For me, drawing and coloring has been very helpful, has it helps me to focus on something and feel a little more at peace. Sometimes I also needed to listen to the same songs, ones I would relate to and make me feel less alone, or less lost.

What you did was very brave. I imagine that there are many doubts and questions in your mind, and there will keep being some of them. But time, self-care, connecting to people who are safe for you, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to let your emotions exist, are going to help you to find some peace again, progressively. I felt like my world was collapsing, like I was the worst person on Earth, the worst daughter, overall a pretty shitty person. And I was so angry for having to “decide” something that didn’t feel like a decision. But overall, I can assure you, it gets better, progressively. There is a time for deep feelings and progressively, you will learn to rationalize more and more, all of this will feel less heavy, and you will feel more confident with your decisions.

You will be okay, friend. You have a shoulder right here to cry on. It’s okay. You are not alone. :hrtlegolove:

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Hey @itsnotoveryet

I am glad you are safe and am super proud of you and following through.

Keep us updated please so we continue to know you are safe. Love you so much.

<3

Zephirah / Andrea

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Hi Micro, I’ve been going through a lot of ups and downs, I appreciate your response. I read it a couple of times before I moved. I am thankfully bittersweet with my family now.Thank you for sharing your experiences with how you felt because they genuinely helped me not feel crazy. My head is crazy through these new experiences, the anxiety of meeting all these new family members, and the fact that I never got a job and now I’m getting one on my own, and I don’t know anything about this new state. So scary, so incredibly overwhelming…Again, thank you for your response it is much appreciated.

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Hi Zephirah, I appreciate you sending some support my way, I really do. Thankfully, my update, is bittersweet. This whole thing ended with my family wishing me well bit missing me very much, and I miss them too. The world is very scary without them. Anxiety is at an all-time high. Thank you again for your response :heart:

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Hey hey,

Glad you are safe and sound! Just let us know if there is anything we can do for you!

<3

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Thank you so much for the update @itsnotoveryet. I was thinking of you this morning, and was just sending some positive thoughts your way.

My head is crazy through these new experiences, the anxiety of meeting all these new family members, and the fact that I never got a job and now I’m getting one on my own, and I don’t know anything about this new state. So scary, so incredibly overwhelming…

Yes, so many new things in your life that bring its share of questions, doubts, fears and uncertainties. You are definitely not crazy for feeling how you feel and for being anxious. Many people would feel the same way in the exact same situation, and I include myself in it. There are times in our lives, generally important ones, that are made of deep transitions, and it can really feel like everything is out of control and you’re running after the train of life. During this season of your life, I want to encourage you to try to ground yourself as much as possible in the present too. Just having a few moments during the day when you distance yourself a little bit from all of this, from this overwhelming future, from all these questions and this anxiety. The commitments and goals you want to achieve will still be there, and until you get there you are more than allowed to take a little break from time to time. Have little meetings with yourself, to do things you like, things that soothe your mid and your soul, things that remind you that you will be okay. Nature for example, can have this incredible effect, once we spend a little bit of time outside, even just for a walk. Make sure to have these moments for yourself, on a regular basis. Not only it will help you to recharge your energy, but also to gain some perspective over the situation, and feel progressively more in control. Know that in this situation, self-care is a good resource in itself.

You are a loving, caring, intelligent and thoughtful human being. You will get where you want to be, step by step, little by little. It looks like a giant wall right now, but you will place each stone at your own pace and create your own path. Rely on your boyfriend and his family as much as you need too, even if it is an unfamiliar place at the moment. They are here to support you as well. :hrtlegolove:

You will be okay. We’re stil in this with you. :hrtlegolove:

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Hi Micro, I came back here after a moments of shutting myself out from the bad moments but also some good moments. It has been a mix, and my usual intrusive thoughts have returned, meaning I’m thankfully not feeling as stressed but processing through all this rumination is another pain to go through again, but what can I do but keep on going, right?

Thank you so much for your encouraging response, I wasn’t expecting anything coming back but I was thankfully wrong. It’s nice to know that I’m not entirely crazy, haha. It really did and still does feel like I’m running after my life and burning myself out in the process.

There is a lot of nature where I live, I will try to take advantage of this to clear my head rather than cooping up in my room every once in awhile. I’ve been taking all my time to try to get along and be on everyone’s “good side” and now in turn I want to hide away after all of that socializing, (not that socializing is entirely horrible, pushing myself also gave me nice interactions in the process)

I really appreciate the kind words, I try my very best to care for others, I think sometimes I don’t give myself enough credit, but sometimes I give myself too much as well, as an excuse not to do something. But, I am trying, and I suppose that’s all I can do. I also have a tough time asking for help, so I have to work on that too.

Thank you so much again, Micro. I very very much appreciate the support you have given to me, it means a lot, and it has helped me through some tough moments. Take care of yourself, too. You matter as well, friend. Thank you again :heart:

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Hi Zephirah, thank you for responding back. I am doing better, but still have a lot to process through, but I am getting better and will try to work on myself harder but with pace. Thank you for the love, I will send some back in return. Take care :heart:

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Hey @itsnotoveryet,

You’re very welcome. It’s always a pleasure to see you and interact with you. Thank you for your trust and vulnerability here. It’s deeply appreciated and respected. And you know, these kind of conversations always work both ways. It helps me too, in a different way. Thank you. :hrtlegolove:

but what can I do but keep on going, right?

Indeed. But still with some breaks and times to rest as well. It’s part of the journey. :blush:

There is a lot of nature where I live, I will try to take advantage of this to clear my head rather than cooping up in my room every once in awhile.

That’s awesome! In my humble opinion, nature has a very unique way to give us a sense of grounding, and to remind us that even when it feels like our little world is falling down, well… flowers are still blooming, birds are still singing, trees are still growing… There is consistency there, and a beautiful reminder that life is made of cycles as well. In between, times of transition can be full of distrubance. But ultimately, we get back on your feet and feel connected to our own little world again, in a safer way.

I’ve been taking all my time to try to get along and be on everyone’s “good side” and now in turn I want to hide away after all of that socializing, (not that socializing is entirely horrible, pushing myself also gave me nice interactions in the process)

I totally get it. Socializing has a lots of positive effects, but for many of us it’s also draining in terms of focus and energy. This need to isolate, without necessarily hiding, still needs to be adressed. And it’s okay to take time and space for you as well, even if you’re not used to it. You are more than allowed to do it, and even more to learn to do it. I believe that now that you are not with your family anymore, there will be more opportunities for you to focus on you and create your own path. Maybe not now or immediately, but progressively, once your boyfriend and you will have also set a solid ground for your future.

I also have a tough time asking for help, so I have to work on that too.

Sometimes asking for help is all about discussing, and that’s what you’ve been doing here. Sharing your heart as it is is a gift for anyone who’ll have the chance to read your words. It’s a blessing to share life with you.

Take care friend. Let us how things are in times to come. You are loved dearly. :hrtlegolove:

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I seem to have missed out on a lot, but congratulations on your move. It sounds like things are going marginally better between you and your family, but don’t allow yourself to be sucked into their drama.

Micro has given you great advice!

Essentially it’s a matter of being nice to yourself and respecting your own needs. Although there are some who would try to talk you out of it, taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually will lead to the best possible outcome for yourself and those around you.

You deserve a lot of credit. Making life changes is scary, and you had to do it while facing emotional blackmail from your family.

Make sure you get enough rest, and are doing okay nutritionally. In times of stress, B vitamins can be helpful.

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You take care as well. Thank you so much for the advice. I am around some very lovely people, and I’m grateful for where I am. I get along with everyone here, and there are thankfully no signs of ill intent, it’s so hard to be comfortable but I’m opening up a little each day. I just talked about ID related matters…I can finally start working to get my first job! Everything is incredibly scary, new, and the smallest things have stressed me out but I keep trying to move forward. Thank you again for your incredibly helpful advice. Take care, friend, and I am sorry for the late response :heart:

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Thank you so much for the congratulations, Wings. You have helped me a ton, both you and Micro hold a very special place in my heart, thank you so much. Yes, my family are on bittersweet terms, (part of the bitter even included possibly being sued! But they backed out that) and I have occasionally got a bitter message from my mother but I think she is moving on in her own way, I can only let her process through it.

It was very scary, and admittedly even in a fortunate spot with supportive people, things are still very scary in my head. Today I spoke about how I will be going about getting my ID and my first job. The thought of it scares me but its something I have always wanted to do. Many scary first times I am experiencing, including simple things like socialization and buying things for myself.

Thank you so much for your support to me through this all. It has meant the world to me, really. And I will look into some B vitamin intake!

One more thing, back in another post where you supported me on my final thoughts and decisions on how I go by leaving, my boyfriend said that he suspects that you are secretly a undercover therapist. It made me giggle, you have really helped me a ton throughout this mess. Thank you (Also he wanted me to add this in! Haha) Take care, and thank you again :heart:

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Actually, mine was the easy part. It was you who had to be brave, both to reach out for help, then to act on it. You really have come a long way. I can feel it in your writing. You have weathered some really intimidating storms, and I believe it has made you stronger. Remember to give yourself a bit of quiet time, to relax and think pleasant thoughts, or think about nothing at all. That’s a way of recharging your batteries.

I think all nurses are undercover therapists. I also worked as a psychiatric and hospice nurse. That and a lifelong interest in psychology and philosophy, along with my own radically dysfunctional early years, has allowed me to become useful to others.

I thank both of you for bringing out the best in me.

Stay in touch, and let me know how it’s going.

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I get along with everyone here, and there are thankfully no signs of ill intent, it’s so hard to be comfortable but I’m opening up a little each day.

What a relief! Being in a place where you can be you, easing your fears regarding others and what could go wrong with them… It sounds that you are in an environment where you can let your guard down a little more. That alone is going to have some tremendous and positive effects on you.

It also makes sense to find it hard to be comfortable if you’ve never really been used to be among people who genuinely care without any second thoughts. It feels a bit like being an alien visiting a different world. You hear “I love you” or you see someone doing something kind and you wonder “what’s the trick?”, “when the hammer is going to fall down?”. So, good job for opening up a little more each day! Really. It displays such a great strength, resilience and determination on your part. Do things at yuor own pace, always.

I just talked about ID related matters…I can finally start working to get my first job! Everything is incredibly scary, new, and the smallest things have stressed me out but I keep trying to move forward.

Yes, yes, yes! So much goodness there. Thank you so much for sharing. For sure, it is scary. Deep transitions like these can go unnoticed. But it’s so inspiring to see how much you learn and thrive during this time of changes. I have absolutely no doubt that you will get where you want, and need. And not only by yourself, but finally with the support of people who only want the best for you. Here as well, we’ll keep standing by your side. You got this. There’s a light inside of you ready to shine brightly.

(Also, pssst: I agree, Wings is awesome and definitely an undercover therapist! :hrtlegolove: :sunglasses:)

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YES. Exactly that!! I get anxious over a number of positive things and I feel that exact way, thank you for that. Things are going slow in terms of ID related matters, but I suppose I should appreciate the settling in before jumping into new experiences. I will definitely add more updates and how I’m handling all of these experiences so hopefully some can relate. Both you and Wings are amazing people, thank you both so much again :pleading_face: Take care :heart:

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