I didn t expect the serious ending to this synopsi

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Belongs to: Jake Luhrs Reacts to BILMURI - EMPTYHANDED
i didn’t expect the serious ending to this synopsis. i for one am in this current predicament. i try to be understanding, empathetic, calm and collected when it comes to having open communication in regards to boundaries, cheating, lying, putting in effort emotionally and physically (around the house), my thoughts and feelings, the reciprocation of energy and i get met with one or more of a few things at a time. Silence, gaslighting (why are you trying to talk when i’m getting ready to go to bed, why are you making me feel bad…)turning the conversation against me like this and that was my fault when it clearly wasn’t, then isolating himself, shutting down and altogether avoiding me for sometimes days at a time. mind you, we live in my house. i consciously make a point to be cognizant and ask how he’s doing, express that i truly care for his wellbeing spiritually/mentally and physically but it is rarely reciprocated. i feel like i’m smothering him because he reciprocates so little. i feel like i am constantly trying to weigh out his demeanor to gauge whether or not to “approach” as it were…it’s a horrible feeling. especially when physical touch and quality time are my primary love languages. i have lost so much weight due to stress, anxiety and depression to the point where i literally look emaciated. when i brought it up, he said you need to eat more and left it at that…there is so much more to be said but that’s the jist. i also have an 11 y/o from another relationship who he rarely engages with other than to tell her to do chores and she generally steers clear of him aside from the occasional “hi” and “goodnight” hug while he devotes some time with our 7 m/o baby. when gets to a head and ultimatums happen on my end, that’s when the “i will do whatever it takes to be a better man etc etc…”, standing on the fact that his unhealed past trauma is the main cause of his behavior. i am just beside myself with what to do but i know the answer is clear :pensive:

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First hand, I know extroverting empathy is difficult thing to grasp. I am little worried that having empathy for this person is not benefiting at all. Because you already described your love language openly and not receiving anything at all is ultimately damaging to you and sometimes affect how you treat your children. I can’t tell you to leave and I can’t tell you to stay. But getting some help in capacity seems like the approach here. I will never forget the phrase, “hurt people, hurt people” and destroys the foundation of a family in the end. You need healing for you and children to give yourself a new look on where you are currently in your life.

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Wow - this was a lot to digest just reading…I am so impressed and proud of your for expressing all of this as your life and how you are dealing with this situation on the daily. Sharing a 7 month old I am sure is a blessing but also such a challenge if your partner is half-in, half-out of the relationship it seems. I just read the lyrics to the song you posted about since it was new to me and wow, I get where you were touched and prompted to write about your experience. Why is it always up to you when I’m collateral damage. Wow. I think you are worth much more than collateral damage and might have to follow your gut and for your own wellbeing head toward the answer you think is clear.

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Hey friend,

Situations like that can be extremely tough to grasp. I’ve been the type of person can constantly change when it comes to how my express myself. Like sometimes I can be super expressive in my feelings and sometimes I’m more reserved. I WANT to express myself but can’t because I don’t even know where to begin. I always worry that I’m gonna mess things up with what I wanna say. Your feelings are 100% valid and heard though <3