I’ve been doing great in My way to recover, but as the night comes I’m not sure why but I start to feel sad and lonely, start to think about the past and about people that have done me wrong and it hurts. How can it be possible that I start to think about people of my past that I know that are Bad for My mental health and I still kind of miss them. I don’t Even know ir anything of this that I’m typing makes any sense, at least it makes sense to me, I just want to heal My broken heart and I hope that day comes, when all of the painful memories Will be replaced with something beautiful, sometimes I have hope and sometimes all of a sudden the hope is gone but something deep inside tells me to keep going because something great awaits for me.
Man, what you just shared is so relatable. Thank you for sharing this. Because it helps to feel less alone. And no worries, it’s really understandable. It makes sense, totally.
Nights can be really triggering and we don’t talk enough about that. When we’re struggling, we’re more likely to stay awake at night, to see our sleeping schedules being really disorganized. But at the same time, it can be so difficult to go through the night. As the world is sleeping, we’re more likely to reflect on ourselves, on our life. Also on our past.
With all that covid stuff, I’ve seen my daily routines being totally blown away. And as the night comes, just like you, I tend to feel this weird feeling, this pressure on my chest that makes me feel very alone and ruminate about my past. There’s a huge feeling of powerlesness that makes me think about moments when I’ve been hurt by others. Traumatic moments I can’t seem to wrap my head around.
So, for what it’s worth, know that someone here see you and understand what you just described. I too want more beauty and consistency in your life. I want you to feel better. But I also know that it takes time to heal and find again some peace in our heart.
There is something really positive in your message: the fact that you’re aware that nights are a potential trigger to you. It means that you can work on this, that you can prepare yourself everyday to make sure that this moment will not be systematically a dificult one to you. First, I guess by making sure that you don’t stay awake too late and that you keep, as much as possible, the same sleeping routine. But also by gathering all the things, tools, healthy resources that help you to relax, to focus on something different, to ground yourself in the present moment.
It’s only my opinion, but I think you can anticipate those moments and regain some control by:
- Scheduling activities that are enjoyable/relaxing to you, in advance. So during the evening you don’t get bored or helpless.
- Scheduling a moment, even a short one, to acknowledge how you feel, without any judgment. To say, consciously: nights are triggering to me, it’s okay to feel how I feel and I’m going to be okay. It’s about choosing a moment and not suffering because of unexpected emotions, thoughts, feelings. Just being aware of how you feel, without any judgment. Because it’s okay to feel how you feel.
You’ll be okay. And brighter days are ahead. Really. This feeling of being heartbroken will not be like this forever, friend. I know you’re doing a lot of efforts to keep your mind at rest, to stick to some healthy habits. Keep focusing on that. Even when nights are difficult, taking care of yourself is never a waste of time.
Sending love your way.
Hey Ig - you’ve done something really great here, which is to acknowledge how you’re feeling. I’m going through a divorce, and nights have also been the hardest for me. I’m fine during the day when the kids are awake, but at night after they go to bed felt hopeless.
Some of the things I’ve talked about and worked on with my therapist:
- allowing myself to just be sad sometimes, but putting a time limit on it;
- staying busy - working out, picking up a new hobby and reading mostly for me;
- avoiding social media (this one is hard and I usually only attempt if I’m already feeling particularly low);
- researching new projects or ways to improve existing things - in the house, the yard, for my twitch stream, etc.;
- gaming or watching a movie for escapism;
- learning more about WHY I feel lonely through self-reflection and journaling;
- connecting more with friends via video or phone or email - including calling up family to check on them;
- working on my sleep hygiene through creating a sleep routine - I’m honestly still bad at this one, but I do see the merit of it
Hopefully some of those will resonate with you. One other thing I’ll point out - you can be alone and not feel lonely sometimes, and you can be surrounded by people and STILL feel lonely. It’s important to acknowledge your emotions and give them space to communicate with you, but do what you can to cope! <3
I don’t like to allow myself to feel sad, I guess I should work on it. I deleted all social media, mostly because I didn’t want to see my exgirlfriend anymore so I deleted my Instagram account about 6 months ago and that has been one of my greatest decisions because it has gave some mental peace. I also started reading, watching great movies and listening to music, a lot of music. I self reflected and realize that the reason I feel lonely is because I have low self esteem and I’m working on it. And finally I definitively need to work on my sleep, that’s a mess for me to.
Thank You so much for sharing that with me
I send love your way too, thank you so much for your words man, means a lot to me