I don’t know really if this is ok or not but my mom has been grabbed my arm with my scars and will poke an just won’t leave them alone and i’ve told her to stop many times but she says she can touch whatever she wants i don’t know if this ok or not
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It’s wrong for her to do that. She doesn’t own your body. If she is not causing pain or injury, it would be difficult to seek help, especially if she denies that she does it.
If she is hurting you, and you want to get away from it, you can keyword “abuse hot line” and whatever your location is, in Google. Then you can talk to someone, and together decide what your best options are.
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Hey @Horselover200246,
As you are asking this, you probably sense already that something is wrong there. Indeed, it is not okay for someone to touch our body, no matter how, without our permission, and especially is they know that it hurts us or makes us uncomfortable. When she says she can touch whatever she wants, she’s wrong. That’s not a right she owns.
Is it something she does often? Is this attitude something common for her? Because just based on that, without any other context, we could tell that this is not a “normal” attitude. At least not one that makes sense, rationally speaking.
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She dose this every time i relapsed an she will grabbed my arm with new c-ts which at time dose hurt, but yeah it’s making me very uncomfortable with it an she makes hate my scars bc of her saying things about them
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She has only caused pain once bc she grabbed my arm with new open c-ts when she knew about them
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From: Zephirah (Discord)
Hey there, the short answer is as follows: No, its not. The long answer is as follows: No it is not ok because you asked for it not to happen no matter who it is. It is called boundaries and they are set up for a reason. I would h say have a conversation with your mom and let her know how you feel. <3 Zeph
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From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)
Hey Friend, thank you for your post. I do not think it is ever an ok thing for anyone to do anything that hurts you physically or emotionally whoever they are so no. I think she is trying to prove a point possibly but is going about it totally the wrong way and I am sorry that she is doing that. Have you got any other adults you can talk to about it? It would be good if another adult could explain to her how you are feeling if she isnt listening to you. If not talk to a friend or friends parent about it. Much Love Lisa xx
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I’m sorry for how she behaves regarding your self-harm. Her attitude is not okay, friend. I can only imagine how having someone grabbing you like this and criticizing your scars feels. Please know that these scars don’t define you and don’t make you whatever unkind things she could say. These scars are just the manifestation of you trying to cope during some very difficult times.
Have you ever got the possibility to talk about your self-harm, and how it feels for you, with her, just to make her understand what to do and what not to do? Is there another adult at home who could listen to you and eventually talk to her about what’s going on?
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I’ve been trying to talk to her bc of the reason i’m self-harming she just really says i’m doing this all for attention
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How awful to think that a mother can see their child who has self harmed and not realize that they felt so much fucking pain that they hurt themselves to feel better… and not take it seriously.
You’re mother needs some education.
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i know, my mom dosen’t understand that i’m going through a lot right now that has caused me to self-harm and then this is a lot better then when she found out me being suicdal she said she would give me a knfe so it’s been horrible
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Is there another adult you trust that you can talk to? Your mother’s behavior is appalling and I’m so so sorry that you are being treated like that. This isn’t how a mothers treat their children, so your mother has some big issues she needs to deal with. This isn’t because of you, I hope you believe that.
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Sometimes, people who have been abused become abusers. They may feel they have a right to be that way, often blaming the victim for bringing the bad behavior out in them. Strangely, it’s not unusual for such abusers to deny ever having been abused. Your mom’s behavior towards you leads me to suspect that she was abused, at least emotionally and maybe physically as well.
I’m not mentioning this possibility is justification for how she treats you, but sometimes, understanding can prevent permanent scars of deep resentment. Abuse affects brain development, but not every one’s brain reacts in the same way. For example, one victim may develop enhanced empathy and compassion. Another may turn out to be insensitive and cruel. In both cases, the person may believe the choice they made was the only one that made sense, or was their only choice. Becoming abusive can be part of the damage caused as a result of having been abused.
I grew up in a very sick environment subjected to physical, mental and sexual abuse. An assumption that came as naturally as breathing to me, was that I must’ve deserved every bit of it. I never cut myself, but I did act on self-harm impulses. Part of it was rage turned inwards, and part was distraction from other forms of emotional suffering. I also had the thought that others wanted me to suffer, so self punishment was the right thing to do.
I agree, it’s not likely that your mom understands what you are going through. I doubt that she understands why she is behaving so terribly towards you. However, she is exhibiting symptoms of mental illness, at the very least, a personality disorder. It might be the result of past abuse, or it may be something else.
Don’t let her convince you that it’s your fault that she is behaving this way.
You need professional counsel. The self-harm is not independent of other issues that you are dealing with. Instead, it’s a consequence of them.
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Well i’m pretty sure my mom has and was abused when she was younger, but yeah i’m not blaming myself for how she acts, Ive been working on trying to get professional help that i do need.
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but yeah i’m not blaming myself for how she acts,
I just wanted to really commend you for that. It might be something that you’ve accepted now as being true, but it can be hard to come to that conclusion, especially when we know (or guess) someone’s past history. What we’ve been through, the pain we’ve endured, can make a behavior understandable. But it doesn’t erase the responsibility that someone holds for their actions. Your mom might have been a child hurt in the past, but she is now a mom and has to learn to be a mom. Her wounds are not yours to carry and suffer.
I’m glad you are working on trying to get professional help too. How is it going so far? Do you need any help or guidance for that?
Sending love. 
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With getting the professional help i’m still working on asking one of my parents but i’ve been avoiding it bc my parents have been fighting for the past bit
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I’m sorry your parents have been fighting. Sounds like a difficult time to reach out to them. However, keep in mind that this is about your well-being, and it’s really a priority, no matter what.
How do you think your parents would react regarding your decision and need to see a therapist? I can imagine that, given the circumstances with your mom, this might be a tricky conversation. What about your other parent though?
Sending love, still and always.
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my dad dosen’t understand what’s going on i can’t really tell him, and my mom i can’t ask bc she’s says i don’t need it
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You need to talk to someone. You feel as though you can’t talk to either of your parents, and perhaps you are right to feel that way. Talk to your doctor, or perhaps your school counselor. I don’t think your parents know what they are doing to you, and I don’t believe anything will change for you unless you get some kind of professional help. Things may get really difficult for you, if you assert your right to live without physical and emotional abuse. However, things are are already difficult for you. I suspect that regardless of how messed up your parents may be, they don’t want you to start your independent life as an emotionally damaged adult.
Dial 211, and talk to those folks. They can help you figure things out.
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