I don’t really want to live my life anymore

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Maybe it’s because my laptop broke, maybe it’s because things were ok for a while. I have so many thoughts overwhelming my brain I don’t even know where to start. I keep reaching out to my on and off boyfriend but he just doesn’t care anymore. I’ve gotten the hint but I’m becoming—not becoming—I am obsessed. I can’t let him go, yet I don’t even know what I’m holding onto anymore. I’ve never been treated like less of a human being by anyone in my entire life. Why do I want to hold onto someone who doesn’t give me the time of day? It’s like whenever I get a Snapchat from him it’s this huge deal to me and shit just shouldn’t be that way. For the first time in years he and I are living 600 miles apart for about a month. I guess this is the best time for me to move on. I’ve been working a lot more than usual and that helps me a lot with my feelings of sadness and loneliness. All my girlfriends are traveling all over the place right now so I feel like I don’t have anyone at the moment. I have my family which is nice but I am missing that feeling of fun and freedom with friends. Everyone is telling me I need to learn how to be alone and to love myself but it is just constant feelings of loneliness, sadness, and anger. I take it out on my mom the most, and I feel horrible about it. In one month I’ll be back at school living with all my closest friends. I have something to look forward to. I just hope I can get over this ex of mine and be free. I feel trapped by him even though he has let me go. It’s been a full year of this off and on bullshit and I fear I’ll never move on. I guess only time will tell.

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Hey (not) @Dumbgirl, :slight_smile:

I think once you can answer this question to its core, then you can begin to make significant progress in healing. Unfortunately I can’t answer this for you, but I can definitely try to provide some insight if you’d like!

-Eric

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Sorry it’s been rough. It can be quite confusing to want to go back to a relationship that doesn’t make you feel good. Maybe it did at some point and you miss those days? Even if that’s not it, with both him and your friends being further at the same time, it does get lonely.

And loneliness can be a weird thing. It can be your best friend, it can be your worst enemy, but it’s best if it’s something in between. I don’t know how exactly it’s been for you, but if you can never find peace when you’re lonely, then what your friends say about dealing with it has some basis.

Letting go is easier when there’s good people around, and soon you’ll be reunited with your friends again. Until then, we’re with you. It’ll get better.