I started to believe that I can’t get through life without self injury.
I’m 5 and a half months clean from self harm. But some stuff that happened at work today makes me believe i can’t make it without self injury. I ended up pinching myself a lot at work which to me is self harm. Idk.
I’ve never learned how to deal with the adversity I’ve been through. Instead I just cry or think about ending it all. I have days where I believe I can make it without self harm. And times where I feel brave and like I can do this.
I don’t have a lot of confidence, and that’s a big part of my downfall. I can try and try but I really just don’t think I’m ever going to get better.
I’m always an outcast. I’m too quiet. Hence why I had a not so great day at work. I hate myself. The way I was as a kid has lead to my downfall as an adult. I wish people would understand. It’s embarrassing, it really freaking is.
I don’t think that I can live without this way of coping. Today I was cringing home and I just wanted to die so bad. Driving while I have suicidal thoughts is hard, my body just turns into stone.
I don’t think I can make it without self injury, I really don’t think I can make it in this world at all.
I know you’re having a really hard time right now and you feel like you can’t pull through it. There are so many days where I feel the same. Many times where I feel like it’s all just freaking pointless and a waste of time. I crave self destructive ways because I just need the numbing aid to pull away from all of the intense pain that is suffocating my mind.
But we can rise above this.
Have you ever worked through the Re-Write book Lyss? I was recently working through it. Even if you have, maybe it would be a good thing to revisit it and just ask yourselves the questions that it asks.
I’d be willing to help you if you need. Heck I’d be willing to do a group call where we just talk about the work book and the questions if you’d like. We could also get a group of trusted people and just do a voice chat and talk. Let me know if you’d be interested in that. We could DM about it. It would be a good way to also get to know each other.
I love you. It makes my heart hurt to see you struggling. I wish I could somehow lift all of that off of you.
But I’m willing to work with you if you’re up for it
Lys,
I wish you were on the outside, looking in. I think you are one of the most amazing people in this community. I’m sure you might think, “yeah, you say this to everyone”. It just feels like I have a great connection with you because we are obviously from the same area, and we also met in person, which was great! So why did your quietness cause a bad experience at work? Did someone or certain people say something?
Never change who you are for anyone Lys, you’re great the way you are! As a very social individual, I can see how people may feel uncomfortable around quieter people. Just never let these people put you down for it, especially to a point where you start questioning your own self worth. I understood right away after meeting you, you’re just quiet, which is fine, don’t ever feel like an outcast.
I think @anon17277947 brought up a good idea about the group thing though. I will totally even join if it would help. I don’t know too much about that area of self harm, but would love to learn. Maybe this could even help me understand more, and I can use it as a tool to help others. Seriously though I love you so much. Whatever I can do to help you not feel this way, I will. Please Hold Fast friend, and know we care about you. I know nobody in this community wants to see you hurt.
If she was comfortable with it, I would be okay with you being a part of it. Though I’d understand why if she wasn’t.
I know having people who better know what it’s like would be easier to relate to about it, but also having someone that is trusted and considered a friend even if they haven’t experienced could also still be a good thing.
Either way. Having a friend group, whether about self harm and other things, or just self harm, I’m totally down for coming together as friends with trusted collection of people and talking.
I’m willing to do it with us. I’m willing to do it with just me and Lyss…I’m willing and open to try to do whatever it takes to help us feel supported and have a safe outlet to build a ladder of guidance out of current struggles and unhealthy cycles. (:
I’m sorry you are in a rough patch. You might hated, but I just wanted to let you know that your HeartSupport family is here with you. Thank you for being honest. It means a lot to us. Keep fighting.