I don’t want this anymore

Life is meaningless
There are thoughts that crossed my mind so often .
Things like , i would be better off if i was dead , i wouldnt have to do this things if i was dead, life is so exhausting
Im tired of living
I want to die
I want to die so bad
But i know i will never commit suicide because im scared
Im scared of what others will think
Im still young , i sometimes ask myself if im just making this up
Am i just pretending to feel bad? I don’t know

I just found this website , i wanted to write my thoughts in it. Not for anyone to see but just to feel a bit better
I want to tell someone . I want to talk to people about the way im feeling
But i don’t want to sound/be attention seeking
I don’t even have a ^bad life^
My family is nice , my friends are nice … i have problems with socialising . But i also like it

My mood swings got worse
I get much more panick attacks recently

I want someone to notice
I want someone to see
But at the same time i don’t want anyone to know anything about my feelings
I don’t have slot if ppl to talk to about this
I had to repeat class this year
Tjis made me feel so bad at the beginning
I cried so much because of it
I was so sad , i would think about it for hours
I waned to changee schools but it didn’t work
I dodnt want to see my old classmates. I was too embarrassed, i was soo uncomfortable
Everytime i see them i feel like shit
I feel like im dumb
I feel so dumb

I need help
I want to see a therapist bit im still 15
I don’t know how i could do it
How i would pay it etc

But ive been thinking about it for very long now
I want to talk to someone who will listen to me without judging me
I need it

I feel so dumb
I want to die
Why cant i just die already
I don’t want to live anymore
Why wont you give this life to someone who wants s it

Im tired and going to sleep


Hi @dontknow

Welcome to Heart Support and thank you for trusting the community here and telling us what is on your heart. I want you to know that here we accept everyone and we don’t judge. There are many of us here who have experienced a lot of the thoughts you’ve been having.

This is called passive suicidal ideation and it happens when you wish you were dead or that you could die, but you do not have a plan to die by suicide. It hurts and it’s painful to experience and I’m so sorry that you’re so troubled. (active suicidal ideation is when you have a plan and are intent on ending your life). Sometimes life is just so hard that we wish we were not here to feel it’s pain. It’s good that you know something is wrong and you want to seek help.

Asking for help doesn’t mean you are attention seeking at all. If someone has said that to you, they were wrong 100%. Is there a reason you haven’t talked to your parents about how you feel? If you have a good family, I think it’s safe to say they would do everything they could to get help for you. I’m sure your parents love you and want to see you healthy and happy. I would really encourage you to reach out to them.

I had to repeat the 4th grade and I remember feeling embarrassed and dumb too (I was really bad at math) when I would see my former classmates. I made new friends tho with my new classmates and it didn’t matter to my real friends I had made before. They treated me the same as always. Eventually, those feelings faded and everything was fine.

Different states have different laws when it comes to seeking therapy as a minor. You may or may not need your parent or guardian’s consent depending on where you live and your state’s legal definition of mature. You’d have to do some research and fine out.

I hope that you can get the help you need and feel free to post here as much as you need to. We are here to support you the best we can. :hrtlegolove:


…thank you

I cant possibly think about talking to my parents about my feelings. That could be the reason i think.
I am scared of what they will say. I don’t want them to know . Im scared of them judging me …

But thank you . It means a lot … i feel better i think


When my son was your age and came to me to talk, I would listen to him and support him. You said you had good parents, so I’m just kind of confused as to why you think they would judge you. Do they normally do that or are you in a home that doesn’t talk freely about emotions? What if you wrote them a letter to read where you could really say what you want? You can tell them that you are afraid of their reaction and that you are afraid of them thinking you are just seeking attention. You can tell them you really need help and why. Sometimes it’s easier to do it that way instead of face to face.

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I understand it’s terrifying to think about approaching your parents with this. Our parents want us to succeed, and we want to succeed for them. We don’t want to let them down by not being okay. Eventually it’ll catch up to you though. Eventually you will fall apart. You won’t be able to hide it or pretend anymore, and to won’t be able to control it until you find stability again. The best thing you can do for yourself is be brave now and try to take control of this before the weight crushes you.

As much as we want to thrive for our parents, I can imagine that our parents want to provide us with all the tools for success that they can. I know some parents don’t understand, but I also know that if I was a parent and I found out my kid was hiding that kind of turmoil, I’d be devastated that I wasn’t able to help them sooner.

The stigma of counseling is cracking away today, and I think if you have a good home life with parents committed to your success, they will be understanding and get you help. Mental health care is healthcare. Like sprained ankle, this is something that hurts and won’t heal on its own, but can get better with a little care from a healthcare professional.

I feel your pain. I was a successful student who didn’t want to let anyone know things weren’t okay. I wanted to live up to the image I projected to the world. The truth is none of us know what we’re doing. At almost 34 years old, I’m still figuring life out one day at a time. I don’t got this. Once I admitted that to myself and embraced help, my depression didn’t magically clear up, but I shed the burden of hiding it, and that made it easier to bear my other burdens.

Things might go sideways if you tell your parents you’re struggling, but things will definitely go sideways if you try to hide it. I am proud of you for telling a forum full of strangers that you’re struggling! That first step is NOT easy. None of the steps in seeking help are easy because you have to come out of hiding over and over, but I hope taking this step has shown you that you can do the hard things and you can be met with love!


Hey Friend,

I’m happy that you found Heart Support and posted here.

I’m going to be straight up honest up front, though. Get help. When I was 15 (30 now) I started experiencing suicidal thoughts, general anxiety, social anxiety, depression, the whole bit. I, too, didn’t have that bad of a life or surroundings, so it was confusing to me. I just thought It was what teenagers dealt with.

Fast forward to age 29 and I’m still feeling these emotions and having these thoughts. I finally start taking my mental health seriously and went and sought out professional help and was properly diagnosed, treated, and given strategies to cope with my mental health.

So please don’t do what I did. Get help and speak up to someone to get help with this. I would hate to see another human have to suffer like I did for no reason.

Try talking with your parents, a trusted teacher, the school counselor, someone that you trust that can help you out. There are several resources available that you can use that are little to no cost and are there to help people like you. The school counselor would be a good start, as they would have immediate information on what the best services are to help.

If you don’t want to go to any of those, you can visit SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA and reach out either by email or phone to tell them that you’re dealing with these things and need some support - they’ll be able to find you everything you can use in your area. - It sounds scary to talk with this organization, but it was one of the best decisions I made when I was suicidal.

I hope this help. Stay strong, friend. you got this.

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Hi there,
first let me thank you for opening up and telling your story. I know it takes courage and I am glad that you did.
I can relate really well. So let me tell you what I think. It is important that you know, your feelings are completely valid. You don’t need to have a bad life to be allowed to feel like you do. I know very well how it is to feel guilty about having these thoughts, and question whether it’s all just in your head.

I hope you will talk to your parents as soon as possible, they can help you getting into therapy, and you don’t need to pay anything for it. If you don’t want to open up to your parents right away, another possibility could be a school counsellor or any other adult you trust and feel safe with. HeartSupport also offers a free week of counselling with BetterHelp. If you are interested and think this might be helpful, please show this link to your parents: Teen Counseling

Your life is not meaningless, even if it feels that way right now. You can find meaning in your life, but it is understandable that you cannot see that right now, especially if you are suffering from mood swings and panic attacks. I am sorry that you had to repeat your class this year, but that doesn’t mean that your are dumb at all. Your exhaustion and the feeling of being tired of living might just be your body and mind telling you to take care of yourself and get proper help. I can also relate to the conflicting feelings of wanting to be noticed and get help, but on the other hand not wanting to be judged and opening up. But you are brave and strong enough to do it. :hrtlegolove:

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