I don’t want to be here anymore

I’m sorry if your reading this and my grammar is bad, I am just a 13 year old boy. Hello, My name is Max and I am suicidal. Sometimes I just get depressed at night and start crying for no reason. I recently lied to my dad about something and I feel really bad. I got caught and it has taught me that lieng does nothing but hurt. I feel that he does not even love me anymore. My mom is constantly out of town but I know she loves me. My sister is in college and she is the greatest. When I was 12 or 11 I wrapped an Xbox cord around my neck. I thought this would kill me but once I knew what I was doing, I stopped. I have been feeling suicidal ever since. I never have gotten bullied at school, I am even just a popular kid. Most people think that popular kids have it all, but we don’t. I feel like no one understands me. I had a girlfriend but I didn’t think she even cared about me, so I broke up with her. Once I did this she instantly proved my point by telling me she didn’t even care. This pushed me down even farther in the hole. Earlier today I wrapped a belt around my neck and hooked it up to a hanger on my wall. The hanger broke, and now I am writing this. I need to know why I am feeling these things. Sometimes, I just don’t think I deserve this. I want to die, but I don’t want to kill myself.


Hey friend, if you get feeling like you want to hurt yourself again you should contact a hotline.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

If you live in another country, I can try to connect you to the write info so you can get proper care. I am sorry that you are having a hard time.

Im sure your dad still loves you. Sure lying sucks and we have to learn the consequences of your mistakes, but that often doesnt mean that our parents dont love us anymore. They just have to help us learn from our mistakes so we can do better in the future <3

Know that you are loveable. You hold value. You are important and you matter. Even if you told a lie


Hey @DontEmailMe,

I’m so sorry you’ve been hurting like this. You’re right, there can be a huge difference between how others perceive you and how you feel deep inside. I’m am grateful to you for being here, for being alive. And for being honest. It’s not easy to share about that kind of thing. Thank you. :heart:

Did you try to talk about how you feel with your parents or your sister? It sounds that you really appreciate her. Right now, you need to surround yourself with the help, love and care you need. It’s okay if you don’t really understand why you’re feeling these things for the moment. You’ll find the answers, but you’ll need others to help you. You don’t have to deal with this all by yourself, as it can be pretty heavy. I really want to encourage you to reach out to those who are close to you. It’s okay to do that. You matter. :heart:

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I’m better now thank you.

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Glad you are feeling better, friend. Know that you are always welcome to share here if you begin to feel down again. <3