hi @Toast ,
want to start this post by saying i love your username/icon (: thank you for being here and not bottling things up for them to explode later on. i’m proud of you for that and hope writing it down helped a bit.
i’ve been in your shoes though, not living for living’s sake but for someone or something else. it’s scary, frustrating, and a bit confusing to go through because then you question how/where to find that motivation again. i personally found it through community service, experiencing the raw beauty of nature, and being proud to play a small part in this universe.
and even if we all play small parts in a big universe, i know that we are a big part in someone else’s world. i hope you do find more passion for living through other thing and i know that you are a big part in your son’s world. thank you for being there for him and sticking around to raise him to be the best version of himself he can be.
i’m glad you aren’t planning anything now but you and i both know the reality that there will be a day in the future that will push you over the edge if you don’t start changing course now on finding new passions for life, whether it be new hobbies, acts of service, planning things to look forward to (< this is what helps me the most), etc… so then when that day comes, you’ll shrug it off and continue living your life the way you want it.
sending you the best of luck in your journey to find your reason to exist as well as the best of luck to your son in his life! you both sound like amazing people and i hope to hear from you soon on how things are going. and please, if you need an outlet to talk through your thoughts or receive support, this heartsupport community will always be here for you. you got this!