I don’t want to be this way anymore

I wanted to say thank you to the people who’ve responded to my previous post. Days are up and down. And I thought it was gonna be a good week. But the last 24 hours have left me drowning in dark thoughts. I know there’s a light ahead, but I just don’t think I’ll make it there in time. Ive been at work for two hours and the thought that’s run through my head nonstop has been “I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I want to leave and never return”
Fit for a king came out with a banger of an album just recently, and it’s been on repeat to keep me going. These lyrics made me stop and catch my own breath
“I know it can get easier dealing with the pain, watching through the window as the light begins to fade, reaching out to someone to take it all away, I know it can get easier, just wish it was today”
I wish it was today, because my mind is so set on the thought that I don’t think I’ll make it to tomorrow.
I love you. This is me reaching out, because no one else will want to listen.

6 Likes

Hi there @eranwest9,

Thank you for posting. I can’t imagine all that you are going through and recognize how challenging these thoughts must be. The loneliness you mentioned in your last post is so painful and I can empathize with how it may seem like the light at the end of the tunnel is too far away. With that said, you are strong (if nothing else, your vulnerability in reaching out here and seeking support shows your strength) and I have faith in your abilities to push through these challenges.

With that said, if you cannot find hope or it seems so untenably far away to a point where you may be considering suicide, remember that crisis resources are available to you and may be helpful (Heartsupport List of Crisis Lines & MH Services - Google Sheets).

I’m also glad to hear that you’ve found power in music. Music can help in these hard times and it’s great to hear that this helps you to stay in the moment and find a bit of peace. Those lyrics are so true too; the time spent waiting to feel better can be so painful, and we all wish that the wait didn’t feel so long and excruciating.

Again, I’m glad that you’ve reached out here. We care for and value you, and hope that you continue reaching out in the future if there’s anything on your mind.

<3 Tuna

1 Like

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Its been a few days since you posted this and I am wondering how you are doing? I truly hope that life has looked up a little and you managed to talk to someone who would listen maybe one of the crisis lines? Please reach out again if you need to, please know that you are worth so much, your life is worth so much and you are loved. Lisa. x

From: ManekiNeko

hey eranwest, we thought we would check in with you and see how you’re going. I know it’s been some times since you posted and were here last, but this is a reminder that you matter and are loved. If you need some more encouragement I would love for you to look through this list of resources which I will link in the end. Our sweet eagertuna has also link some crisis resources for you, and. I hope you are safe.

📚 Collaborative List of Resources - An easy way to help others! - #4 by Micro

Hi eranwest,
thank you for reaching out to us.
Music helps a lot, music can cure, i also get a lot out of music.
“so turn, and face the sun now”
reaching out is the first step. the most important step. you have done that, and i am proud of you doing
it, thank you for that. that shows strength. keep reminding yourself, you matter my friend and you deserve
everything good in this world. please stay in touch with us. you are loved and you matter.
feel hugged.

Dear Eran,

I love you friend. I have been in this place at times also… in the moment it is so hard, but you just have to fight through it. I know it’s so much easier said than done, there were many times where I would get so mad when people would tell me these things- but unfortunately it is what we have to do. I know in the moment it feels like nothing is going to get better but I promise you it will.

Sometimes I find myself just trying to get through the day, it’s hard, but you can make it, I know you can. And I promise you things will get better.

I believe in you, keep holding on. There are people who’ll listen and people who care, I’ve too been there.

Love you my friend.

I got you. Anything that gives us power is healthy, and anything that takes away our power is unhealthy. How much power do you have? To me you sound very powerless. Do you feel powerless? Are people in your environment focused on gratitude and making you feel empowered? If not we have a lot of fun and exciting work ahead of us.

I’m currently dealing with the same thing in my environment. I have no way to survive. Every school and work environment I’ve ever been in has been unhealthy, because it made me feel so powerless. I’m currently working on finding a work environment that doesn’t make me feel powerless. I hope you can focus on doing the same. Maybe we can help each other. Reach out to me any time day or night. 2402465994