I don’t know how to make the pain stop. I do writing around it everyday, making plans to decrease the risk of relapsing in drugs or self harm, but, it didn’t work tonight. I know it’s a long term healing process, but I need a quick fix. The length of time I’m stuck feeling the emotions is getting longer and the longer they last the more intense they get. I cut again tonight. I get to a point where I diassociate so much that I watch myself cutting and seeing how much it helps, like a movie being played over and over again until I decide to grab the knife and follow through with the urge. Am I ever going to stop? I’ve been let down by so many people in my life. I only really have 3 strong people in my life that I can talk too to help me through the urges… 2 of those being in a time zone 8 hours behind me and the other having to sleep through the afternoon, when I don’t have them and the writing hasn’t worked I get so lost. I don’t know what to do and I don’t wanna die but I feel like I’m running out of options.