same thing everyday all day. just suicidal thoughts and no motivation for anything. i want to do so much but at the same time i just want to lay and cry and dream about how i’d end up killing myself. i almost just got up and went to the kitchen and got a knife to cut my arm open. i don’t know why i haven’t. i really fucking want to. i cant even talk to any of my friends because they all have their own mental struggles and if i tell my parents i feel like they’ll just hate me even more so i’m here again. i just want somebody. i don’t want to do it but i also really do. it’s all i fucking want. it just hurts so much. i keep putting out hope for things and nothing ever happens. nothing good ever happens to me. i’ve been trying so hard for the past four years to be happy and nothing fucking works. i just keep getting worse and worse. i’m tired of it. i just want to kill myself and get it over with
Hey @echo, thank you so much for being here and sharing. That takes an incredible amount of strength. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through because that sounds so difficult.
I have had similar experiences where I want to do something, but then just end up doing nothing and then end up feeling guilty about it, so I can understand a bit what you are going through and know how terrible that cycle can be. For me, it feels like my mind is a prison that I can’t escape.
I know you mentioned that you want somebody. I know we have never met before, but feel free to reach out to me if you ever need someone to talk to. It can be so hard to go through this alone. I am so sorry that you are not able to talk to your parents about this, but please know that you are not alone. I am here and this community is here for you. We want you here. We can shoulder this together.
Not sure if you have tried these before, but just wanted to share some other resources:
Crisis text line - text HOME to 741741
Suicide hotline - 1-800-273-8255
National suicide prevention chat - http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
You are not alone and you are loved.
Hey @echo
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now and hurting so very much. Thank you for sharing this here and being so honest. It took a lot of courage to do so and it does not go unnoticed.
I would encourage you to keep reaching out here and utilizing the resources bbrandon3 had listed as well. This is a safe place to do so and those resources are great options as well! Know that although we are not able to be face to face or in person, we care so very much for you and would be honored to come alongside you during this hard season and help in any way we can.
With so much pain and having experienced it for the past four years, I am sure you are tired. It takes so much strength to keep fighting, but it sounds like you truly do want to keep fighting, but maybe you aren’t sure of how to continue doing so. I know how hard it is to keep finding the light when darkness is so prevalent, and although it has been such a hard past four years, there is always hope. You never know what wonderful experience could be waiting just around the corner. Ending your life guarantees that you won’t ever be able to find out. So know that we are willing and hopeful to walk with you through this season and help you fight even when you don’t feel like you can. Your strength and courage can be seen even in this post.
Know that you are loved, heard and valid. You are worthy of life and we so very much believe in you.
Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes
I wish I could give you a hug.
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