I don’t want to live any more

I want god to kill me because I’m to weak to try again on my own. I don’t know what to do. I spent the last hour praying that god would have mercy on me and just kill me. I can’t keep pretending like everything is ok I’m dieing inside. I was reacently diagnosed with bipolar and ptsd. I can’t sleep and when I do I relive all the abuse that happened when I was se younger. I reacently had to move back to the home town were all this happened and it’s killing me having to drive past the same streets almost every day were I was raped. My family dosent know about it. I don’t trust them, I had to move back in with them and I didn’t know were to go. They used to be verbally very harsh and would kick me out wen I was younger and I would have never felt find some one who would take me in or sleep on the streets. They’ve been better sence I’ve been back but there’s not trust or relationship. I came si close to cutting again today I was afraid If I started I wouldn’t b able to stop I’m so weak and pathetic. I just want to die please god if you can hear me let me die. I don’t have hope for myself anymore

Hi there Loveinflyleaf! ( ´ ▽ ` )ノ

Thank you so much for coming here and sharing with us.
Judging from your post, you may not trust your family but I’m so glad you trust us enough to be vulnerable with us here at heartsupport.

I’m so sorry you’re going through so much pain.
You’ve been through a lot of struggles and terrible things have happened to you. :broken_heart:
You are absolutely not weak and pathetic. You are a strong and courageous person who’s trying their best to get through each day while dealing with past traumas on top of having bipolar and ptsd.


Sometimes, I try to remember 1 Corinthians 10:13 when going through really rough patches and how God won’t saddle us with a struggle that is way too much for us to handle. But there have been times where I too have prayed to God to just…let me go to sleep and never wake up again.

Judging from your post, it sounds like your family has changed and has been treating you better compared to the past. And you moving back in with them could be a wonderful opportunity to start a new loving relationship with them.
It’s not going to happen overnight because trust that’s been lost is so hard to regain. But maybe give them a chance to earn your trust and respect back.


Please keep fighting on. You’re a champion!
God, and all of us here are here for you. And you’re going to make it through this. :muscle: :fire:

-Deer

1 Like

Hey @Loveinflyleaf,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. I too struggle with PTSD and recently moved back in with my family. I understand the triggers that come driving past certain streets and having a breakdown. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, but I’m so glad you’re here.

The good news is, there is hope. Even if you don’t see it now just wait because it is there. Take life day by day and keep pushing through. You can make it through this. I believe in you - We believe in you.

Have you considered therapy? I did a kind called EMDR and it changed my life. I highly recommend it.

Hold Fast,
-SJ

Hi ,

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through a rough time right now. Although it is tough please hang in there. there is always hope. and as mentioned before if you are comfortable there is always therapy. something that helps me when I have intense emotions is going for a run / walk and listening to my favorite music or working out. it helps getting you out of your head and releasing any bad energy you may have in a positive way. I sincerely hope things start turning around for you!

sending positive vibes

alyssa

1 Like

I started seeing a therapist a week ago. What is emdr?

1 Like

I just started seeing a therapist. I was running every day until 4 girls in my neighborhood were abducted and found dead this month. I’m trying to move our and get a job but it feels like my life is going nowhere

That’s awesome that you started therapy!

EMDR- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

Here’s a link to break it down: http://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/http://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

Hey friend,

I know it’s hard. I know how enticing it is to just want to disappear- but you have to keep fighting.

We are here to help pick you up when you fall- we are here to celebrate your victories. It’s hard to keep going but we all believe in you.

You deserve to be here. You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy.

You are so so important to so many. Hold fast.

With love,
Lyss (ur old pal Blurryface)

1 Like