Hi so my boyfriend and I got into a little argument this morning where he’s not believing what I’m telling me.
For more context I was late for a dog sitting thing I had this morning and while on the phone with him we were talking while I was on my way over. I told I would call him back because I was on my way over and was in a rush. So I ended the call. But afterwards I called him back because I realized I could just talk to him while on my way over so I called him back and we talking. When I got to the dog sitting place. I hung up and told him I would call him back since the person im dog sitting was waiting for me outside. I got the phone because I felt like it would be unprofessional to be a the phone while the person and I were talking about the dogs.
Now everything was fine with that but when I called my boyfriend back he was confused on why just couldn’t stay on the phone with him while the person was talking to me about the dogs. I told him that I felt like it would be unprofessional if I was on the phone while they were showing me the dogs and everything. I also told him the person was waiting for me outside but idk why he just didn’t believe me when I said that.
I kept telling him the truth and he thinks im lying to him and doesn’t want to believe me or talk until he’s done with work tonight. Because of this.
It fucks with head when we argue about things like this we’re he doesn’t believe me and everything. He also tends to not see how im feeling in the moment and doesn’t see how it upsets me.
We both have been in toxic and abusive relationships in our pasts. So the way he’s behaving makes me think of him being narcissistic when he doesn’t see how I’m feeling in the moment and trying to manipulate me when I tell him how I feel or when I’m just telling him the truth and he doesn’t believe me.
Maybe im overthinking it but I feel like we might break up because of this. Cuz we’re both upset. But idk.
What should I do?.
I think you did the right thing hanging up to talk to someone. There wasn’t any need for him to be on the phone while you were conversing with someone you were doing a job for.
It sounds like maybe he’s bringing some insecurities into the relationship and they probably should be addressed, but maybe by someone with a professional input who can hopefully give him and perhaps you some good tools to utilise so this doesn’t keep happening. Does he or yourself ever talk to a professional about past toxic relationships?
i appreciate you sticking to what you know was the right and professional thing to do by pausing your phone conversation while talking with your dog-sitting client. from what you’ve shared, you have an amazing work ethic and attention to detail. while it’s disappointing to not have the trust of a partner, i hope he can hear you out on the reasonings behind you hanging up. with the history of abusive relationships, i know you both can benefit from open and honest communication. he could be re-living old wounds from his past that made that hung-up phone call seem 10x worse than what it innocently was. trauma can easily do that to people - it happens to people in my life and the right amount of communication and assurance can calm those concerns. wishing you all the best in this situation, my friend. i believe in you to navigate your way through!
Hey Legacylex! I love dog-sitting and I hope you enjoy getting some cuddles from that floof. What kind of dog is it? And it is definitely professional to stop talking on the phone when discussing things with the client.
As for the argument with your boyfriend I’m sorry that you are having a row about this whole thing and that you feel like he isn’t understanding your emotions. Relationships can be difficult especially coming from pain in the past. I think that you should both take a breath to calm down and then talk to him about this and about not feeling seen and heard fully. Is it possible something in one of his past relationships has made it more difficult to trust you? Maybe an ex that frequently hung up with little to no warning? It may be worth asking about so you can better understand why he feels this way. And then make sure he understands that you feel like he isn’t validating your feelings in turn.
Good communication and trust are the keys to healthy relationships of all kinds. You can even practice what you want to say on the dog. They are amazing listeners. Good luck talking to him and working this out. I hope it all goes well!
I am so sorry that you are going through this stressful time. Fights with your significant other are always stressful, even before you throw in it being over the phone, with work getting in the way of communicating, etc. I am sorry.
It sounds communication wasn’t doing too well even before the phone call ended for the dog sitting. In these situations, it may help to let both you and your partner calm down a bit, and re-engage when cooler heads can prevail. Give some time for both of you to calm down, think about the situation, and re-approach when it’s better. The heat of the moment could have been made worse by the pasts that you mentioned, maybe?
In any case, I wish you well when you do communicate with him again, and working through it. I’m rooting for ya.
hi there Legacylex,
First of all, it sounds like you were trying to be professional with your attention when you went to do the job sitting. Hanging up the phone and concentrating your attention to the person in front of you is so important, especially if they are giving you information or instructions.
I think you and your boyfriend can have some conversations about expectations that you have from each other. Does he expect you to put him on hold when you’re talking to someone else, or does he expect you to have the call continue to be connected when you’re talking with someone else? If those expectations are not something that won’t work for your jobs, (because you need to pay attention, save money by hanging up and calling back etc) then this is something you can both express.
Trust and communication are really important in working through these situations, and I’m really sorry that it doesn’t feel great right now to wonder what’s going on. Expressing how you feel is important, and I do hope that you can both express you feelings, and work through this. You matter, and you’re important.