I don't belong here

I’m sick of feeling the way I feel. I’ve been sad, anxious and numb alot the past few years. The past few weeks have been particularly bad. My grandfather passed away Christmas week so I’ve been feeling insanely sad over that with grieving him. Anything family related feels stressful or sad now bc I know he’s gone and can’t be here. On top of that at school I’m doing worse in my classes. Im alone in the most of them and I’m really anxious around people now. And I feel like I burden my friends too. Lately, I really feel like us three haven’t talked the same. Things were perfect last semester but now all of a sudden things are different. I’m also feeling really distant from God and I really am doubting him . I don’t know if I should believe the Bible anymore . Nothing makes sense. I don’t think I belong anywhere anymore. Everything is ruptured.

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hey friend,
just wanna say I love you and want you to know you aren’t alone. Im so sorry for your loss, and I hope you and your family are doing well. My grandma died over Christmas break so I can relate to the grieving.
Starting classes when you don’t know anyone in them is super rough and going through the grieving process during that is extremest hard. I wanna encourage you to please try taking a little time for yourself. Maybe take a day and make a list of things you need to get done for your classes/organize a study day where you just catch up on work? Be reasonable with it and don’t overwork yourself, but I understand being stressed over school and things, I agree that things have felt different lately. Could you talk to your teachers and maybe explain how you’re feeling with school? maybe they have some resources for you or will be willing to help you. I feel you on the whole being distant from God and doubting him. This is a hard and frustrating thing to be stuck in and it’s okay to be confused and I think it’s normal for this to happen. You seem like a very strong and smart person, and it’s okay to be going through a time where you feel distant from him. Maybe you just have a lot of questions and all the stuff that’s been going on in your life isn’t helping that. I wanna encourage you to just take a breathe. it’s going to be okay. you’re going to get through this semester and this won’t last forever. you will feel in place at some point, and we’ll always be here for you, friend. you are important and you are a strong person, I can tell. life can hit you hard and knock you down but you have the power to get back up and hit back even harder. and we’ll always be here to help you do that: )

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@OMAMfan my friend I am so sorry you are struggling with what sounds to me to be a lot.
So I am going to break this up.

[quote=“OMAMfan, post:1, topic:12523”]
My grandfather passed away Christmas week so I’ve been feeling insanely sad over that with grieving him.
[/quote] I am so sorry for your loss of your grandpa that is really really hard. I have dealt with loss myself and it is not easy. I want to say dont be hard on yourself for being down about him bot being here he would not want you to be upset about that. He also likely would remind you it is okay to struggle after a loss of any kind but for sure when it is someone as close as he sounds to have been with you. I know that a lot might not be okay for awhile after a loss and that is okay. It is okay to not be OKAY. In all honesty our world sets what is okay and what isnt and sometimes they mistake that no one is the same.

Next I want to discuss this piece

[quote=“OMAMfan, post:1, topic:12523”]
On top of that at school I’m doing worse in my classes. Im alone in the most of them and I’m really anxious around people now.
[/quote] So I get the idea of feeling alone and that is a tough one. When I was in high school I was all alone and had no friends at my school because I was like you anxious about new people. I started using books and such as a means to dive into a world that was mine. I would imagine I was the characters best friend. It was a way to find less scary ways of friends. Until I hit college I didnt know just how much less scary people near me were. I realized that many of them are just as scared as I was. I also gained a lot if friends online by finding the things I love but online. I decided in that moment that I am not facing the world alone I have an entire group here at HS that always have my back whether I see them daily or not they care about me. Dont let that fear stop you even if you just connect with people here share with me how your day went. What are you studying in school right now etc… A few lines later you say

[quote=“OMAMfan, post:1, topic:12523”]
And I feel like I burden my friends too.
[/quote] If they are true friends they will let you know if this is the case and you shouldnt be a burden to a true friend they should be there if they can.
Finally I want to touch on the feeling distant from god. I have felt that time and time again it is hard but in all honesty you are still there with him he is waiting for you to come back he never left you. I will say this it is hard but maybe consider setting aside specific time each day to help your relationship with him. And even get into a bible study I know when I was given some “homework” for a bible study it helped me want to be in the word and with God. I also listen to a lot of Christian based music myself that way it reminds me of the things god has done and is doing.

All in all we are here for you. I hope some of what I say can help.
Hold fast
Ash

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Hey, you are not alone. God loves you. I also was at that point where nothing had sense anymore. But God has a plan for everyone. The Bible is the word of God. " For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" John 3:16
He is there and He loves you. I want to share a video with you https://youtu.be/QFf6opXR1Hc I hope it will help you. God bless you!