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I dont feel like i can do this


#1

Okay so… im really not doing well. My mental health has been horrible. Ive been really depressed and anxious. I barely have friends and just everything is falling apart. I feel like life is terrible right now and my parents have also been a lot and hard on me lately… the other day i completely had a breakdown and i got screamed at for crying (i dont even ever cry in front of people. I hide stuff as much as possible) ans i just snapped and i get yelled at for it? I dont feel like thats fair. And then my mom and a teacher where having a conversation about me on the phone- the teacher had mentioned i had a panic attack once in her class and my mom got mad at me for it and yelled at me and told me to stop doing crap like that because im ‘fine’ and maybe my mental health is the reason i dont really have friends… so it sucks i have to deal with that. And ive been in pain lately and really numb ive been struggling with self harm a lot more than normal. I relapsed again last night that sucke to, im ashamed of myself i can barely stay a day clean and i feel so so worthless and like such a messed up person. I dont feel like this is gonna get better. And i really need help or something but my parents dont believe mental health is a real issue so i cant get help im just stuck dealing with this stuff alone. I mean there is a mother I talk to at church sometimes and occasionally vent but i feel like i need way more than that. And im scared to open up to people because my parents have tried to teach me like- its wrong to let someone know your upset and to hide your feelings. I feel like i need therapy or something but i cant get that. (Also no i can’t talk to a school councelor) but its really difficult im in a hard situation and im tired of fighting


#2

If you feel it coming on it is alright to remove yourself from whatever is stressing you out. I have a thing about large crowds & strangers so at times if I’m in one I got to a point I can remove myself for 5-7 minutes & be good for 30 to an hour.

Did anyone show you any coping mechanisms? Did they get you a Therapist that understands your diagnosis? Your panic Attacks? Breathing can help. Deep breathing concentrating only on your breathing. Also when you’re panicking another technique is counting to 200. I thought at first how strange, but it makes sense if counting to 10 helps people with anger problems then they don’t mention counting to 200 for people that are panicking on a whim either.

I am sorry this is happening for you. I hope it gets better.


#3

Hey friend,

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. That sounds really difficult.

From what you’re explaining, it seems to me like your relationship with your mother is not super healthy, and that she is either emotionally abusive or not supporting you enough right now. Either way, it would be good to find someone you trust to discuss your feelings and struggles with.

That is great that you have someone at church you can talk to. Do you feel comfortable enough talking to her to share what’s going on with your mother? If you could share what’s going on in that relationship with someone you trust it could help in several ways with improving the situation. Just venting about that could make you feel better, and, being a mother herself, she may be able to give some advice on how to go about improving the situation.

May I ask why you can’t get therapy or talk to a school counselor? If there is any way you could speak to someone like this it could help immensely. I strongly encourage you to try to figure out a way to do it if you feel like it’s even remotely possible.

Above all else please remember that you can do this, and that you are not alone. We all believe in you and you will get through this.


#4

I was just reading your post and what you said about your mom made me really mad.

I’m so sorry they don’t want you to get treatment. (Especially since you say you’ve been sexually abused! A decent, loving parent would do anything to make sure their kid was recovering from trauma like that!) That’s like saying “I don’t believe in gravity, therefore it’s not a real issue.” Mental illness, like gravity, doesn’t care if you believe in it or not. It doesn’t care about anything. It just is a thing that exists. What a load of crap.

This just really set off mamma bear instincts that I didn’t even know I had. I feel this need to adopt you as my own and take you away from these people so they can’t neglect you any more.
edit: and now I read that you had an anxiety attack and your parents walked in and instead of comforting you like they were supposed to they made fun of you? What AWFUL people. I’m so mad at them. UGH

I don’t know what country you’re in, so I can’t be specific about some online resources you could use to help with your sexual assault. If you’re in the States, I’ve heard people say that the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network has good resources. https://www.rainn.org


#5

Haha hey to clarify no i have not been assulted. Im not sure what may have made you think I had been but thank you for the support <3


#6

You right.

You right.

I’ve been reading too many posts in a row and I definitely got confused about who I was talking to.


#7

I actually talked to the mom a little bit at church tonight and I talked about my parents. It helped a bit to vent and stuff but things with my parents- it can be really screwed up sometimes. And My parents have told me im not really aloud to talk to any guidance councelors at school or anything. And im afraid if they found out id get in trouble😕 im not exactly sure their logic behind why though?


#8

It’s all good haha i understand that


#9

@cs15 ,

This may seem so hard to deal with , with being yelled at, with parents not believing in mental health.
by the way you are not worthless, you are human. you are allowed to have emotion. also, things will get better. you may be going through bumps but it will soon get better , it takes time to get better. you are loved and we will be here for you when ever you need it.
-Ashley


#10

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this with your family… It’s the worst feeling when you already hate everything about yourself and then get put down constantly by your family. It happens to me too. I’ve struggled with self harm for 12 years and my family see it as attention seeking and call me stupid and an idiot for doing it.
Because of that experience with my family, I don’t cry in front of people either, not even when talking on the phone to people. There’s only maybe 3 people who have spoken to me in the midst of a breakdown… 2 of them being from this community. I know it’s hard to believe, and I still have moments where I don’t believe it, hell I had one today… But even without the support around you physically, it’s possible to start getting better. It’s possible to learn to trust and be open… I’m 125 days clean from an addiction I’ve had for 6 years thanks to this community. Keep reaching out. It’s okay. The community is here for you every step of the way.

Hold Fast
Kayla


#11

hey cs15, sorry things fucking suck right now, you not alone friend.


#12

@cs15,
I know it may seem like the worst, but you ARE worth it. And whatever situation you are in now, doesn’t mean that will be the same life you have in 10 years, or 5 years, or next year! I encourage to keep your head up and use this place as a way to talk with others and share experiences. WE believe in you.


#13

I have felt that way too, cs15. We see you, and we care about you. You can talk to us.


#14

@cs15 here is our video response from our live stream: Hold Fast


#15

I’m sorry I didn’t see this reply until now… I need to figure out how to get notifications or something. But yeah, that must be really tough having parents that don’t let you get guidance. To me that doesn’t make any sense. I’m so sorry your parents have told you that… Maybe you could ask them why they feel that way? I don’t know if that would help, but I think if you were allowed to talk to them it could help a lot. Just to have another person to talk to. You know your relationship with your parents better than I do, but if it makes sense, maybe consider just asking them why they said you can’t talk to a counselor. That might help. Again, I’m sorry your parents are not supportive in this way, but I hope that this community and that mom at church continue to support you well. Please hold fast to those whom you can trust and who have your back. You will get through this. We all believe in you <3


#16

Thank you SO much watching the stream was helpful<3


#17

Thank you <3 and yeah ive tried to talk to them before they just- dont make any sense. My mom kinda has a temper and anger problems she yells at me a good bit and stuff I think she may be afraid if i go to a councelor I could say stuff about her. They also just dont really believe mental illness is real it sucks. I cant really be open with them at all


#18

That’s unfortunate that they don’t understand the importance of mental health. I wish you the best in getting through this with a support system that doesn’t believe in mental illness. You can do it.