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I don't feel like myself

Hey friends.

I feel dumb and worthless. One of my all-time favorite bands called Convictions is in town tonight and I wanted to go so bad and at the same time I didn’t want to go (if that even makes sense?). They’re also playing at a venue I’ve never been to. I didn’t end up getting tickets online. The show started at 7pm with local bands before Earth Groans and Convictions would hit the stage. So, I ended up going and at the time it was an hour after the show started and since online said you could buy tickets at the door. Got to the parking garage and parked. Sat there for a couple minutes and left to go back home.

I just feel like complete garbage and I already know I am going to regret it. I’m not sure if it’s my anxiety controlling me, the fact I left after the show started (which I always get there before the show starts), or it’s the fact it’s a new venue I’ve never been to before, or maybe it’s because another big band Clutch is also in town at a venue down the street from Convictions is playing.

Am I the only one that feels this way or have done this before? It just sucks. Anxiety sucks.

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Thanks for reaching out and sharing about how you’re feeling! You’re not dumb or worthless in the slightest way. Anxiety is such a hard thing to manage and you do the best you can.
I’ve been in similar situations where the fear of missing out and the fear of anxiety have come head to head. I often get so stuck in being unable to make a decision i just don’t do anything anyway.
Sometimes it’s always good to ask yourself if you really feel prepared to give it a go. You did give it a go and I’m proud of you! Even if you didn’t get to stay and see, you still tried to overcome the anxiety! You should be proud of yourself.
Sometimes I know personally I’ll have to tell myself it’s okay to stay at home because if I went I know I’ll just be freaking out and wishing I was home, and I’d rather not go into an environment with that energy because a lot of people mistake being painfully shy and anxious for being negative and moody.
Do you talk to your friends about it? My closest friend js so good about things. I’ve been able to voice when I’m feeling too over stimulated to be around people which either means they let me know it’s okay to stay at home and rest, or they come with me for support to things! Because like you said, being in a place you don’t know with people you don’t know can be difficult!
I hope you’re feeling better

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Thank you so much for the reply. You’re right though, I at least tried and gave it go, but didn’t fully engage. It’s kind of interesting because 98% of the time I go to concerts alone because no one really enjoys the type of music I listen to.

The only time I leave the house is to go to work or to the grocery store and perhaps sometimes to concerts. I don’t even have friends maybe because I don’t even go out often. I know I still am going to regret not going. Maybe there was a voice in my head telling me it was the right decision not to go. Maybe I just don’t enjoy concerts as much as I used to anymore. That I am not sure. All I know is I hope they’ll be back again.

Thank you again for reaching out!

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From: Mamadien

Can I say “been there, done that”? More than once I have cancelled going somewhere because I was unsure about the either the venue or the people I would encounter. So please don’t consider yourself dumb or worthless. It actually sounds a bit normal to me. I’m sorry that you missed seeing your favorite band but I understand the ambivalence about going. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. Perhaps look for another opportunity to see them or another band that you like?

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hello Friend, I can 100% relate to you. Sometimes, I’ll cancel plans because I just can’t bring myself to do whatever it is that I was going to do. Even if it’s something I really wanted to do. I regret it later and feel bad. I guess it’s depression because I think this is pretty common. I’m not really sure how to cure it, but I’ve found that if I really push myself or even ask my boyfriend to remind me how much I wanted to do whatever it was, I will try. Sometimes, it works. ~Mystrose

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From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)

Hi drobofficial. I can relate to this so much and I think a lot of other people with anxiety too. You are definitely not garbage for doing this or feeling like you felt. You just suffer from anxiety. There are methods of how to deal with anxiety. There is also medication but I think you should try the non medication ways first unless its becoming a problem that would prevent you to normaly function. I am gonna post a link to a video with techniques to battle anxiety. I hope some of them help you :slightly_smiling_face: 6 Daily Habits to Reduce Stress & Anxiety - YouTube

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From: Rohini_868

I’m so proud of you for going out, and for trying something new. It sounds like you’re really brave, friend!

When you say that you don’t feel like yourself, what do you mean? Is it that concerts aren’t as fun to you? or is there something else that feels different about you? I’m really that you’re here with us, and thank you for trusting us. i hope you know you are surrounded by friends here, and we do care. Would you like to tell us more about the kind of music you like and the things that you’re into? We’d love to learn more!

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, thank you for your post, firstly I need to tell you that you are most definately NOT dumb or worthless, you are are a bright human being that happens to have anxiety like many other people and I also want to tell you that I am currently with a group of people that all have experienced similar situations to the one you are talking about including myself. I have had bad anxiety for many years and I am dreadful at going places and most of the time I will generally cancel an outing just before i leave as I just cant stand the anxiety that goes with it so I do completely understand where you are coming from and you are right it does suck. There are things you can do to help, mindfullness is one, you could look that up on youtube, its meant to help. I will say im really proud of you for even going to that venue that night, that was huge to do that so well done. Keep trying these things, dont let it beat you. You are a wonderful person, you are valuable and you are loved. Lisa. x

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From: SuchBlue

Hi drobofficial,

Just because you don’t know anybody who’s told you that they like your type of music doesn’t mean that nobody in the world shares the same music taste that you have. You had the interest to go, and although it was an hour after the show started, you still tried and you should be proud of yourself for that. There are always things that make us nervous and that’s okay, going to a place you’ve never been before would probably make me nervous too. Anxiety does unfortunately suck, and we just have to live with it. You’re not dumb or worthless, you are worthy and there are always people who love you :hrtlegolove:

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From: sea__kay

Hey drobofficial, thank you for sharing. I can relate so much to what you’re writing. Your bravery to still go there is very impressive and inspiring. Seriously, going alone to a concert and even if it’s just driving there implies that you had the intention, that’s amazing. I understand that it’s so difficult when you’re late and then not making it inside, and going back home pretty frustrated. But maybe next time, you’ll make it inside. Keep trying. Don’t give your anxiety a reason to come back stronger. I know how hard it is, but you are worth it. You matter and deserve to get to do the things you want to do. Sending you much love.

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From: Dr Hogarth

Hi drobofficial,

Wow, I relate to this. You are certainly not alone. The idea of going to a new place and meeting new people, where I don’t know what to expect is terrifying. Just today, I spent 30 minutes just pacing around a park because I didn’t know whether or not I should approach these people I was meant to meet or wait until they called me. I still feel exhausted by it.

Something I do when I know I have to go to a new place is go online and find pictures of the outside and inside, so that I can make a mental map of where stuff is and make a plan of where I’ll enter and sit etc. It makes it feel like you’re going through pre-prepared motions instead of just walking into the unknown.

Anxiety about new places is very common and you shouldn’t feel alone, because you aren’t. Fear of the unknown can be extremely overwhleming, but there are ways to try and mitigate for it. Please reach out again if you need more support. x

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Welcome back, drobofficial! I wanna say “been there, done that”. Not with concerts because I’ve never been, but generally speaking I know what it is like to be hyped for something or feel like you should be and then your anxiety just ruins it and you keep thinking you’ll realise you are excited at a certain point but when it doesn’t happen you give up. I’m sorry this prevented you from seeing one of your favourite bands in concert.

I’m sorry you don’t have anyone who can go to the concerts with you. It sometimes seems easier to do things when you have others depending on you to go out and do the thing as well. I have nothing I can really say that might help you but I just want you to know that you are definitely not alone in feeling this way and being this way and it can be so hard. Find videos of them in concert and blast them on your TV. Make your own concert and rock out. That’s my best advice.

You are not garbage. You are brave for even going out and trying to go somewhere new in the first place. Breathe deep :hrtlegolove:

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I feel you, only more recently I have made friends who sort of enjoy my music or at least enjoy music as a general enough to be happy to listen to mine, but still wouldn’t go to a concert I’m guessing.
Maybe just the fact it was somewhere you weren’t familiar with and the fact that there was another band playing was all building up on you and you felt that pressure but didn’t realise what it was?
And maybe your body and mind just are feeling a bit off from anxiety and that’s okay too. Sometimes I know that when I get in a place where anxiety or depression is building I start to lose a bit of interest and motivation. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or that you should be hard on yourself about it.
Do you find there’s a lot of people in your age range going? I know this sounds weird but I get very uneasy when there’s a lot of younger people like who have just turned the legal age because they tend to be a bit louder and cockier. (Although I did go to a music festival last night and everyone was surprisingly polite and respectful. There was hardly any litter even! Hah).
Also have you had a break from the scene due to lockdowns ect? Sometimes a break can make it hard to get back into even what was a regular routine. It’s like the anxiety gets so used to being alone that it starts getting more and more overwhelming every time you try to do something, but like you acknowledged, you did it! Eyyyyy.
I usually force my friend to go and get someone sitting alone so we can be friends with them for the night, so who knows! Maybe one day someone will see you standing alone and they’ll want to befriend you too! But mostly hopefully it’ll get easier to start enjoying the music again.

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