I don't feel loved or valued by anyone

[Geko]

I am constantly alone. The more I try to change this fact, the more it seems I’m crammed even further into loneliness and depression. I have no family left. They are all gone. Friends are few and far between, and my “love life” is an absolute joke.

I feel like all I am doing is hanging on for the hopes there is actually someone out there for me. I’m tired of hanging on. There is no one. Just an endless sea of people that don’t care.

All I do now is work to exist. I’m trying my best to keep a smile at work, but lately I can’t stop myself from crying. Its really hard watching people with happy families exist. All I want is what they take for granted- a partner, and maybe even a family.

I don’t have either, and its really starting to hurt. I don’t know how to keep going on feeling like this.

[supportgremlin]

Hi there Geko
I’m proud of you for being here, just sharing your thoughts can take a lot of courage. On this board, you have found people who care, people who are proving to you that you are not alone, people who want to be there for you. There are so many others on this board that are also the person who gets left out, the person who doesn’t have anyone left, and many more types of loneliness in between.

Seeing others take for granted the things you don’t have can be bothersome. Perhaps doing something you like and contacting your ‘few and far between’ friends might help you find or tighten your crew and also provide some relief to your feelings of loneliness.

“The anchor’s on board and the cable’s all stored”
-Gremlin

[Wings]

@Geko

I feel like all I am doing is hanging on for the hopes there is actually someone out there for me.

While you’re hanging on, are you around opportunities to meet others? Depressed people tend to withdraw, and even create a persona that’s difficult to approach, therefore they tend to remain lonely.

@Geko

There is no one. Just an endless sea of people that don’t care.

I think it’s more probable that it’s a sea of people who are afraid to care. Fear of being hurt keeps people from reaching out. It’s sad, but too often true.

@Geko

All I do now is work to exist.

That does take up too much of our time, unless we’re doing something we enjoy, and might do, even if not being paid for it. Some people work to support fulfillment with an activity outside of their “day job.”

@Geko

All I want is what they take for granted- a partner, and maybe even a family.

If you do meet someone, don’t take the relationship for granted. Families that take each other for granted, tend to end up putting up with each other instead of realizing each other’s value. Those people are acting happy while feeling quite alone and unfulfilled.

Everywhere, people are looking for someone willing to care about them, but how many are looking around to see who may be in need of care and friendship? You are a good person, and your presence is a gift of great value to others, whether they realize it or not. Be assured, as much as you don’t feel loved or valued, there are others who feel the same way. Maybe you can be there for each other.

We know you’re of great value and deserve love. We’re here to listen, care and remind you of your value. Perhaps you can be a source of comfort to others here as well.

[Aardvark]

Hi Geko,
thank you for sharing. i can relate a lot to you. more then you may think.
my last years i was living like that. time was flying by myself. i was isolated, i worked, i lived for my work.
time besides work i needed to rest my body from the time and effort i put into… work.
was thinking that there is nothing good for me out there. that i deserve this. this so called life.
it ended up like you, crying with no reason, did not slept for month.
all around me was shrinking, i did not find happiness and joy anymore. get home from work, i cried at work, i cried
when someone asked me “how are you ? you seem not ok these days.”
last year was when all was coming together and i did not find a way out of this sea of tears i was walking through.
it get so high, that i felt like drowning. was eating in the evening, afterwards i cried. can’t watch a tv movie or show,
i cried. can’t even read a book, i cried. finally in bed hoping for some sleep, i cried. i felt drained, i felt worn out.
i was a complete mess. i started to struggle at work also. that was my biggest anchor for years of my life.
i started to struggle where i felt, was the only thing that i was good at.
to not have somebody at home, when i heared my colleagues starting to talk about their partners and wifes, husbands or something, i was like " be happy that you have someone" , so many times a little “how was your day”
could have been my day. so often a little act of kindness can make a whole day.
when loneliness hits you in the face or in the balls, that hit can led to damage that hurts more then physical pain.
feelings, especially love is hurting so much more. the strongest force on earth is still love.
life is hard, life is unfair, life is a shitload of feelings at one time. life is often a mess. life is a journey full of obstacles.
often i feel like, hey i left one obstacle behind, when i look at it and turn, there are three more suddenly, bigger and
more unfair that the last. i will never understand life. i will never understand why it goes this way. why some people
have more, some have less obstacles, worries or issues to face.
but to now, i have accepted life. we only have one. we are life. you are. everyone here is.
i still struggle, in my private life, at work, with all of that. i still am a big mess. i am still feeling burned out, drained and
exhausted.
you my friend, you are not alone in this. we are all not alone in this. you did an important first step. the most important step of all. reaching out. i hope you consider a therapy, or a self help group. like i did. it helped me so
much. i would welcome you to our discord community. a safe place for us. for a vent, for reaching out and finding
support.
life is much more then worries. life is more then being unfair to us. life is beautiful, if we let it be blooming and growing on us. the only one who is taking charge of your life, is you. one step a time. right now you are surrounded by all this darkness and negativity. you might not see a way, your journey and path out of it. but it is there.
and i hope that might help you:
you don’t need to see the whole way out right now, you don’t need to see the outcome.
can you see your next step ?
that is all that matters now. don’t look to far. do one thing at one time. then look at it. be proud of yourself.
repeat that with your next step. take action towards that. maybe you can go for a walk after work, just a few minutes for yourself. find things you find joy in. you find happiness in. treat others like you want to be treated. you will see that there is good out there. people who will be caring, people who will love you. you are loved. you are beautiful.
you are worth, and you deserve all the good things this life has to offer.
lets kick life back in the balls together my friend. i will drink a coffee now, thinking of you, hope you will have a wonderful day, wherever you are, whoever you are out that, all of that does not matter. what matters is that you have found your way here again. that matters for me. love you my friend. thank you my friend. feel hugged

[Solemnis]

A few years back I read a book about suicide written by a psychiatrist. And one chapter that stuck with me was the chapter about loneliness and depressions. Bear with me if you’re up for a little (thought) experiment.

He said, no matter how horrible and lonely you feel right now, no matter how hopeless everything seems, let’s assume you are not the absolute loneliest person in the world. You are “only” the second-loneliest person in the world. Let’s assume there is one single person who is even more lonely than you are. And now your goal is to find that person, so you both won’t feel lonely anymore. Make this your personal quest.

Now this is very difficult if you don’t know anyone and have no social contacts. How are you going to find out who it is? It could be anyone. Because from the outside you cannot really see if a person feels lonely or not. Even if they are surrounded by friends and family, they could still feel lonely or misunderstood. Even if they are sitting all alone by themself they could be happy and content that way. So let’s scrap that.

Instead, to find that one person, you have to get to know people, and talk to them. Even more importantly, listen to them. He said to find that one person, we have to suppress what we like doing the most for a short while, which is to talk about ourselves. People love talking about themselves. If you let them talk and just listen, they will see that you are honestly interested in getting to know them, they will enjoy your company and in return listen to you as well. Whenever a conversation comes up, it can be a random person on a bus for example, take it. Try to start conversations on your own, ask questions, try to get to know people, then they might want to get to know you, too. Keep doing that and don’t stop.

Now I have to be honest with you. In the end you might not find the loneliest person in the world. But that is okay. Instead you will find many other interesting people. You will have more social interaction. You might even find new friends, or just people to talk to, to spend time together. And through that, you will find your way out of loneliness. By accepting that you are only the second-loneliest person in the world, and searching for the loneliest one, you will not be lonely anymore.

I don’t know if my rambling is helpful to you, but I hope so. Remember, you feel lonely, but you are not alone. We are here, and you are truly valued.