I don't know anymore 2

My brother keeps pushing about my disability even though it’s completely outta my hands how fast a judge gets to it I’m just so udderly destroyed emotionally and i…idk it sucks how much these tiny comments can cause me to spiral I’m such a baby I often do really wonder if death would be better for me I’m not at all suited for this world I’m not at all suited to be on my own I just idk I wonder so much like what if I lost a leg would he care then what if…fucking hell I’m in a spiral tonight

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I wish I could give you a hug, and tell you it’ll get better. I know it takes a long time to get disability.

Words come out of your brother’s mouth, then their vibrations bump into a series of molecules in chain reaction until they reach your ears. Then the sound and the words are gone. The words don’t cause physical injury. All that remains of them is in your memory. At that point, you can decide to leave the words on your mental bulletin board, or toss them into the trash. It’s best not to have such words taking up space that could instead be used for putting up pretty pictures.

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Hi Derpplup
I am glad you get to write these thoughts down, its so hard to have these feelings and have them stuck in your head and have no where to put them. Im sure that these comments are not tiny to you, if they are having this kind of effect on you then they are far from tiny, they are remarks that are making you feel less than and thats not right. No one wants to hear that they are not good enough or not doing enough when they are trying their best. Its bloody hard to try to live up to other peoples expectations so dont. Its not easy being alone and its not that easy not being alone either to be fair, Its all about finding the right fit but that doesnt mean you are not suited to this world it just means you are yet to find you space. I hope you are feeling a bit better this evening. I dont know if you are aware but its creative encouragement week and ive been playing on paint and done a little picture for you, Im not the best at art but I hope you it brings a little smile to your face. Much Love Lisa. xx
brightenyourday

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@Derpplup My dear friend I know I may seem not know your entire situation but I myself have been through the struggles of getting disability. Of waiting for it to be approved or denied. I personally will say it took me 3 years to get it 3 years to this day. I have to also add that I had people pushing me to get there fast to be faster but never once did I stop remember that hey its okay. The control once the paper work is filled out and we have done the medical needs they ask for its out of our hands. I am sorry your brother cant seem to understand that. No I do not agree that this world is not suited for you. This world as it might be does not grasp or understand how hard it is to have any form of a disability. I myself happen to know this for a fact I have countless times of struggling to get what I need in life. But let me tell you band with those who understand. Perhaps if you need to join me in the battle message me I have tons and tons of knowledge and am here to support you. There may not be people in your inner circle of people you see day to day that care but there are people who do like myself. I have struggled for years to accept that I am worth someones time and love. So I am giving that to you. You are not valueless you are not unimportant. You are loved and cared for no matter what you have that hurts or stops you. Fight for the fact that you are loved.

Hold fast
Ash

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Hi Derpplurp
I am so sorry that your brother is treating you like that. Sometimes those closest to us are the ones that can hurt us the most. I have my own experiences with this but I wount bother you with that. Know that your struggles are valid. Your brother does not know what you are facing and that it is out of your control. Those hurtful comments that he makes are rude and inapropriate that is for sure and they are invalidating your struggles and your hardships that is why they hurt so much. Also he is your brother and that is why it hurts so much more. Know that he isnt right. Your struggles and feelings are valid. Move forvard at your own pace and stay strong. Dont be bothered by your brother, he is the one who is wrong not you so there is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish you a lot of strenght. Hang tight. :wink:

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Hey @Derpplup,

It really sucks that your brother use something you can’t control against you. Being on disability is not the most pleasant experience on Earth, to say the least, and you certainly don’t need to be guilted or criticized for limitations you never asked for. I’m really sorry that he reacts like this and allow himself to make these tiny comments here and there. In the long run, it gets too much, and it makes sense to feel like spiraling because of it. It’s like instilling doubts and shame in your mind while you’re already struggling. Nothing you deserve to experience, nothing that should be added on your plate.

I don’t know how is your relationship with your brother and what motivates him in making thesecomments, but it would probably be good to try to se some boundaries with him and adress the issue more directly. Youdon’t have to endure silently and take it all in as if it was okay. On his end, he might need your help in order to understand more your reality and how it feels to be in your situation. Also maybe how he could help, and just respect you in the future.

Please don’t lose sight of the fact nothing in benig on disability change your worth or the fact that you are deserving of respect. Your brother’s comments are probably the reflection of something between him and himself, but certainly not of who you are.

You are loved, friend. :hrtlegolove:

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