I don't know exactly how to explain what im feeling

I dont know what to do. I feel lost and unsure of what tomorrow is going to hold. Every day i wake up just discouraged to do anything. I’m not really depressed, or depressed in the way I normally experience it. I just feel not motivated to do anything and it sucks, sometimes its to the point where i dont even leave bed until almost 4 in the afternoon.
Today is the first day of summer, so I have the next two months off and next Tuesday im leaving to go out of state for two weeks and I am really just torn up because i feel just empty in a way. I dont know whats triggered this or if something did I just want to feel something.
Its almost like I hate what i’ve become but im proud of what i’ve achieved

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Hey Ethan.
Thank you for posting on here and sharing your feelings. I know that getting the motivation to do these things can be so difficult but as is said so many times in this community… You need to take baby steps towards your goal. Celebrate the small achievements. You say you don’t get out of bed till 4… don’t look at that as you’re being lazy. You ARE gettting out of bed even against the urge to just stay in bed and do nothing. That is amazing! You can try to start slowly working on that by getting up and hour earlier for a few days… progressively until you start to wake at a time you’re happy with maybe. You also mentioned that you’re going out of state soon but you’re anxious about that. Again, with the way you’re feeing that is a huge thing. Sometimes getting a change in scenery can really help change our mindsets and I hope this does for you. You never know, you might enjoy yourself! It’s refreshing to see that you’ve acknowledged your achievements and are proud of them. So keep taking the small steps and completing the smaller goals that will take you towards your ultimate goal at the end. YOU CAN DO THIS. We all love you and we are here with you all the way. You can beat this! We believe in you.

Kayla!

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Hi friend,
Thank you for being open and sharing about this. When I hear you describe what you are experiencing what comes to mind is a thing called acedia that I am learning about from the HeartSupport book Dwarf Planet. For me it’s like depression without being depressed, everything is just meh and kind of pointless. All my energy just drains away. @Sledge wrote a post on the HSBlog that I found really helpful because it gave me something to call it!
It’s not technically depression but it comes along with it A LOT for me, especially when I am actually starting to come out of a depression episode. Like @Kayla says above it helps to celebrate the tiny steps. I got out of bed today. I made some coffee and drank it. I took my morning meds. It sounds kind of silly writing it down here but I find it actually does help to acknowledge it.

In any case you are welcome here to talk about it and we will welcome you and love you no matter what. It is ok to be uncertain and you are not alone.

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Hey EthanSHTDCampbell,

Thank you so much for sharing this. I would definitely check out @Sledge’s post on the blog about acedia. It helped me start to decipher if what I was feeling was depression or acedia, which was a term I had never even heard before!

I want to encourage you in this, don’t give up. Like you said, " I hate what i’ve become but, im proud of what i’ve achieved."
Hold on to what you’ve achieved. Look for the small victories and accomplishments you have every day. Make changes where you don’t really like where you are.
You’re incredible and just recognizing how you’re feeling is such an accomplishment!

Hold Fast my friend,
-SJ

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@StHaTaDi-Ethan, to reiterate what everyone else here’s been saying, it sounds like a textbook case of acedia. Here’s the link if you’re interested and we even address it more in our new book Dwarf Planet my dude. If you need help grabbing a copy, just let me know! Or grab one free on warped tour!

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@Sledge Is acedia the same thing as anhedonia? I’ve dealt with this for the past few years, with it only getting worse. It’s only within the past few months that I’ve discovered a name for what I’ve been dealing with. And what a comfort that’s actually been. To have a name for what I’m feeling!

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Hey Ethan,

Apathy is a tricky little demon to tackle, and the best way that I’ve found to conquer it is to set goals. Start off my making a task list - something to look forward to. Every time you check off a task, you’ll feel good about yourself and have something else to look forward to. These tasks can be anything; running 1 mile, cleaning your room, achieving an accomplishment in a game, reading a book, etc. When I’m in a rut, I always tend to turn to watching inspirational videos on YouTube (i.e. type in “motivational video” in YouTube and you’ll be bombarded with a plethora of amazing videos). I hope this helps man!

-Eric

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Ethan,
I’m sorry you feeling this way. I know it’s hard to do stuff when you feel discouraged but you can beat the feeling and feel better by doing something you like even though it may be hard . But take baby steps . Baby steps is the key to feel better . I am sorry you are feeling empty and I am sorry you are feeling turn up. Just know YOU ARE WORTH IT, and remember to hold fast.
-Ashley

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Thank you, all. slowly, but steadily I’ll be working at this.

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