I dont know how to deal with it anymore

I know it‘s a long time ago that I was online. Thats because of my dad and my exams. They took longer than planned. My dad forbid me to use anything electrical for 2 month. I am feeling so hopeless at the moment. Since some nights I am having these nightmares again and it makes me insane. Even the memories and guilty feelings came back. I am feeling like I am stuck. Last week the pressure was so hard that I was close to a relapse. The last time I had this feeling is so long that I didn’t know how to deal with it. I had a breakdown and went in my room to calm down again but it got much worse in the beginning. Everything is getting to much for me and even my boyfriend who is so supportive and patient with me doesn‘t know its getting worse. Nobody knows it to be honest. I was thinking to tell it my best friend but he has more important stuff to do.

My thoughts to end this got worse again. I am not in therapy anymore bc all my sessions are done. I don‘t get any therapy for now. So I need to deal with all by myself. But I don‘t know whether I wanna fight anymore. Everything got to so much pain for me that I just wanna end it.


Hey there friend. Thank you for being brave and vulnerable with us here. Things seem like they are rough right now, and I’m sorry you’re going through that right now.

I hope you know that you are never alone feeling like this. These are battles where we all need support. Climbing the mountain is a lot easier with others than trying to trek it by yourself. I encourage you to reach out to your boyfriend and your best friend and just tell them you need some support. I’m sure they are more than willing to jump into the fire with you and help you get through it, just like we are.

I want you to know that we all love you here, and you play a role no one else can fulfill. You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and loved more than you know.



Hello Friend, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling so much right now. I know you’ve been thru therapy, but is there a chance you can go for another round? I don’t know if you’re in the States, but if you are, you can look into your county’s behavior health dept to see if there are any programs or services you can benefit from. I think it’s very awesome that you did not relapse. It takes a lot of strength, I know how hard it is. I would encourage you to reach out to your best friend for support and anyone else you trust. It can be very healing to talk to someone. Take care! ~Mystrose


From: Dr Hogarth

Hi Zicke576,

I know you may not see it right now, but getting to the other side of your exams is something you should be really proud of. I always found them just traumatic and painful, and I’m not surprised that going through them has pushed you so hard. To have all of this on your shoulders must be exhausting and I think you’re pretty amazing to have carried on for so long holding all this inside. But, no one should do that forever, you deserve better than that. I think your boyfriend and your best friend would say the same. You need the people you love right now and they will be there for you if you let them.

Is there any chance of you continuing your therapy? I really don’t want you to have to bottle up any more than you have been my friend. You are so worth the fight but, whether it’s with friends or therapy, you don’t need to face this battle alone. Keep safe x


From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for posting and firstly may I say congratulations for getting through all of your exams, that is quite a task in itself, especially when you are trying to cope with other things in your life too.

I remember your previous post where you spoke about your nightmares, that must be so frightening and the fact that they seemed to get better and are now slowly returning tell me that maybe you perhaps could do with seeking out some more therapy specifically for your ptsd. I also encourage you to open up to your partner and your friend about how you really feel, its not good to hold all of this anxiety and upset inside all of the time and these people love you and would want to know if you were feeling this way and I am sure would also want to support you.

We are also here to support you friend so please post whenever you need to, you are loved, valued and worthy. Take care. lisalovesfeathers. x

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From: sea__kay

Hey Zicke576, I am not familiar with PTSD so I can only imagine how horrific these nightmares must be. I’m so sorry that you experienced this and that you’re going through this rough time. Could you make a plan to tell your friend or your boyfriend about how you feel? It is so important not to keep all these difficult thoughts and emotions to yourself and to share with a trusted one how you’re doing. It is okay to reach out. Is there anything in particular that you’re afraid of and that keeps you from reaching out? It is a great step that you reached out here. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Are there any options to go back to therapy? Was your last treatment for particular diagnoses and was PTSD one of them? Not every type of therapy is suitable to treat trauma so maybe there are still options to get this covered by health insurance. It does sound like you could benefit from professional support. Feel free to reach out here as much as you need. You’re always welcome. Sending you big hugs and much love. Hold fast.


Hello, Zicke576! First I want to congratulate you on not relapsing. That is a huge accomplishment in and of itself. Also, congratulations on making it through your exams. I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling so much right now and that you cannot go to therapy anymore. I hope you can find a way to get back to therapy in some way and I hope in the mean time you can manage to talk to the people in your life.

Good luck and keep trying :hrtlegolove:


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