Im confused right now so much. The way I feel about a certain guy is driving me crazy.
here’s a mini backstory of why I feel like this
feel free to skip and not read it
**I just really need to rant **
For a long time I really liked this guy. He was so nice and sweet towards me and we easily became good friends. That was all last year. and towers this year after he broke up with his girlfriend who was a semi good friend of mine, I thought there would be something between us but I was wrong. And towers November, things started to look better. in the sense that we started talking more and even flirted. It was all flirting back and forward and it all started with a comment I had said “I’m sexually frustrated”
funny isn’t it.
and I went on and on how I can’t believe I’m still a virgin or what not to the point where he was saying how he would take it away from me
me being naive and stubborn I kept saying “LOL as if”
sometime before thanksgiving he came to my house and as much as I look back into it, idk how I could have so easily given something I cherished for so long up like that in a heartbeat to some guy. Not just anyway but a friend of mine.And while I will admit I was happy it was him but I still wondered what now? what are we?
needless to say towards the last time he came to my house, I started to realize that I was nothing more than just some girl he was having a fling with and that the truth to it is we are never gonna be anything.
with all the pain in my heart I had to end things, to which I did, yet it didn’t seem to affect him in the SLIGHTEST whatsoever. And that hurt more because it meant that I didn’t care at all in the first place
yet after 2 weeks of not talking, yesterday he messaged me saying how he was sorry that he hurt my feelings. At the moment I forgave him because I was trying to move on from all that had happen in hopes that we can go back into friends that we were.
but I saw him today, and while at first some of those feelings came back, he would start “joking” and saying stuff like im trash or im not even that good looking. While it ay have been in a joking matter, it still hurt. It hurt a lot to think that a person I once and still do care for would say something like that about me. Yet a part of me is angry, petty, and even through all of that sad he would say something like that about me
I don’t know if the reason it hurts is because I still have feelings for him?
I don’t wanna hate him
I don’t wanna like him either
I just don’t wanna feel any feelings towards him anymore because crying my self to sleep isn’t ideal
sorry about the longs rant