I dont know how to help

my moms drinking again, i poured most of her alcohol out, worried about the response ill get but ill figure it out I guess. a lot of people on here have told me to stay with my dad and get away, and in theory, it sounds so awesome, but I feel like for me it’d almost be worse. I can talk to my mom about anything, and while that’s not really useful in most situations, its nice because I’m not afraid to just talk to her about whatever. i don’t have that with my dad, I feel like i’d be able to have that kind of thing with someone else in my family, but if i were to leave my mother i would legally have to stay with my father, so its not an option. I’m very scared to make my dad upset, or inconvenience him at all, which makes it basically impossible for me to talk to him, even basic conversations, or asking to go out to dinner or go to the store, ordering new clothes or talking about something cool that happened, I’m very scared that ill make him upset by just being around him. he was never abusive to me, so it doesn’t really make sense for me to feel that way around him, but he was always in and out of my life, and i know i love him but at the same time i don’t really know how to talk to him. i don’t know if i feel like this because of the stuff my moms put me through, and since I’ve already failed my mom I’m scared of doing that to anyone else, I’m not sure. but in the end its really hard for me to talk to him about anything, it takes way too much bravery to be able to talk to him, even though he’s awesome, he’s a great guy and a great parent, i know he cares about me but for some reason i cant get it into my head that i wont disappoint him all of the time. I’m able to talk to my mom about stuff, even though she doesn’t usually care. another thing is that, my mom can go from being so amazing, such a great person and a great mom, to being the worst, to being the best again. i know its probably really fucked up to say this, but i sort of wish she would just be mean to me all of the time, when shes nice then mean then nice again, it gives me false hope, by standards, i don’t think my mom would be fit for parenting if i were to tell a cps worker, but to me shes great, which is weird because i can look at these past posts and see how terrible she was, but to me shes still great, regardless of the shit shes putting me through. im scared to see a psychiatrist because i don’t want to disappoint my parents because i might have issues, i don’t want them to be sad, so i don’t really want help, its just hard to live when you think you’re a burden every single day. im sorry this post was more messy and less put together, my past ones have been more organized but i don’t have the time to care anymore, sorry.

Hi Graciee,

I’m sorry you’re feeling torn. I know you’re not going to like this suggestion but I think you need to have a serious conversation with your father. I think you’re not doing yourself or your father any favors by assuming that a) you are a burden and b) you can’t talk to him. You may just find that if you tell him about your insecurities and the fact that you want to be able to talk to him about things, he might just welcome you with open arms and insist that you can talk to him about anything. It might feel weird at first, be you might be missing our on a great relationship with your father who is willing to get you what you need simply because you don’t want to step out of your ‘comfort’ zone (I used the quotations because I know it’s rough living with your mom, so I didn’t want to imply that it’s all sunshine and roses there.) to talk to him.

Coming from someone who went through similar things as a young person, I can say sometimes what is comfortable isn’t what’s best for you, and those things your mother does - especially the bad things, they will stick with you. And I’m not saying this to scare you. I just want you to have a good life and I don’t think living with your mother is the way to do that. What’s disappointing to me, although not surprising, is the fact that even after you started moving ahead with your father, she has still continued to drink, which means she isn’t ready to be the responsible parent that you deserve. You are her child, you are not supposed to have to worry about dumping out her alcohol. That’s something a parent does when their child is being stupid.

I do apologise, this decision is totally up to you and I don’t mean to down talk anyone but I know how much better your life can potentially be if you just give you and your father a chance. Sometimes the easiest way isn’t the best way. You have done so we’ll persevering so far and taking the first steps towards getting help. You have the courage to do anything, Graciee, and you’re definitely not a burden. Stay strong, you can do this.

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You can’t control other people actions and should not blame yourself. It very stressful situation and a lot stuff to deal with. Don’t be afraid to seek for help, start with a therpist in school, then go from there. Their also online therapy too. Stay strong!!

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